Wednesday, March 18, 2009

He Sees My Heart!

I thought perhaps I should let you know that being a mama and desiring to be a Christ-like Mama may just be a struggle your whole life. I know, not so encouraging sounding, right?

Oh , for sure there are women who seem to be that always joyful and tender mama. Maybe she really is. Maybe she struggles and hides it well. It matters not, let's not compare. Let's keep our eyes on our own hearts and how the Lord chooses to deal with us.

I've been a Mama for nearly 22 years and I still struggle greatly to be the Mama I desire to be. Granted, I wasn't saved until several years into my adult life. I've had to learn everything I know about being a Godly Mama and wife from the ground up. Regardless, part of me still thinks I should "get it" by now.

As organized as I am, as disciplined as I am, as many books as I've read, as many teaching tapes as I've listened to, as much time as I've spent with the Lord, one would think I would have this "being a Mama thing" perfected.

Let me share a little snapshot into my life.

For months I've been feeling almost overwhelmingly burdened by the desire to be more gentle and tender with my words and tone with the children; patient, sweet and tender.

Monday I read in Colosians 3 about "putting on behavior marked by tender hearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of ourselves, gentle ways and patience, which is tireless and long suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes with good temper. Be gentle and forbearing with one another . . . above all put on love . . ."

"Yes, Lord, oh I desire to be like this in my home, make it so in my life. I desire, almost ache for my life to reflect this to my children."

Monday by 4:00 pm I have had a pretty rough day, exhausted, hormone issues. ect. and then I lose it with two of my children. I rail against them when patience, gentleness and mercy would have been the proper way to handle the needed training. I later go to bed feeling discouraged that 'once again' I've blown it. How many years will I struggle? Will I ever "get it?"

Tuesday, bread day, cleaning day and piano day~ enough said :-) My mood is not the best, bread is flopping, children are not doing everything the way "I" want it done. The littles are under foot instead of sitting quietly three hours. (wink,wink, as if they should) By 9:30 am I am in tears, have a knot in my stomach and a migraine looming.

I did yell a little, but was able to stop myself, not so much self-control, but the tears welling up and the knot stopped me:-) I called my husband for prayer. He prayed, I cried, hard.

I went out with a quivering upper lip. My 5 year old wanted to play a game, there was grace to say yes, we played for 15 minute and I laughed so hard.

My 8 year old drew a picture with a leafless tree, dark sky and no flowers on one side that said, "don't be sad, and on the other side, a tree with green leaves, blue sky and flowers that said, "be happy." She also presented me with a paper that said, "Worlds Best Mommy." I cried and cried saying, "Mommy doesn't feel like the best Mommy."

Here's the lesson ladies.

God spoke to my heart. "It doesn't matter how you feel or what kind of Mama you think you are, just like your daughter, I see your heart and am well pleased"
(my husband has been telling me this for years.:-)

My heart longs to be gentle, patient, and tender hearted and that is what makes me "the best Mommy in the world." I'll never, ever "get it" perfectly this side of heaven! By His grace I will grow and change and become more and more like Him, but never perfect, and that is okay. He sees my heart and is well pleased.

To further show His mercy and love towards me when I was cutting tomatoes for my lunch this is I saw.

Sweet little hearts in my tomatoes! A reminder that it is about the heart. Once again my eyes were flooded with tears as I felt the warm embrace of my Father.

Ladies, do you struggle to be the "Mama of your dreams?"

Do you feel like you fail miserably just about everyday?

Do you wonder if you will ever "get it?"

Can you get with the Lord and ask Him how He sees your heart? There are times for correction, certainly. But there are also times to trust where you are, accept the struggles as part of His disciplining (training), and rest in His everlasting arms.

" For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)


AnneMarie said...

...taking a deep breath....wiping tears....thanking you for sharing your HEART, the good and the bad, the failures and the lifting arms of the Lord with the rest of us, who constantly fail only to try again tomorrow. Praise the Lord for your encouragement to me, if no one else. Thank you sister. xo

SimpleMommy said...

Oh my.

Thank you.

Traci Best said...

Awesome, timely post!

Thank you!

Lindsay said...

I really needed to see this today.
You have no idea.
God bless you for sharing.

Rina said...

Oh wow. What a beautiful, wonderful post. What can I say? Thank you for sharing this. It really ministered to me.

busymomof10 said...

Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing your heart and for being transparent!

I have nominated you for a blog award. come on over and pick it up!


Connie said...

Am so glad that God looks at our hearts. He doesn't see our 'failures' the way we do - he looks at the heart and sees our desire to learn and overcome. He forgives us, helps us to forgive ourselves, then loves us enough to send encouragement.

Then you encouraged others - God bless.

hip chick said...

Waht a great post. I really needed to hear that today. And, I love the tomatoes!