Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I fought the tears, which felt an impossible task, knowing they would only delay my rest and would not profit me.
I kept saying over and over in my head, "be still". My mind would run away again and again. I fought with all I had to reign in my thoughts, to stop the incessant chatter. "Be still", I would say, "be still", repeating the words hoping they would drown out the invasion taking place in my mind.
‘Be still and know that I am God’ He breathed into my very soul, until all worry, fear and doubt melted away under His omnipotent words of ‘be still and know that I am God’.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The Lord was speaking to me to purposefully notice blessings in my day to help with the depression I was struggling with. I would do it, when I remembered, but more often than not, I forgot. This is when I read about Ann's Endless Gifts and her Gratitude Journals, I knew it was the Lord encouraging me to join in.
I was determined to not over think this and jump right in, very hard for me to do. ;-) I went to Hobby Lobby and Michael's to find the perfect journal. I'll share some thoughts with you that might help you.
1. You want at least 60lb paper, but 70lb would be better. I still have some ink bleed through with 60lb.
2. I usually always go for spiral bound journals, but in this case I went with a bound book. The reason is when I have the book open and want to enjoy the full spread, I didn't want the white or black binding to interrupt the space. Spiral bound is always easier to write in, I think, but as long as the book opens flat, I am happy with my choice.
3. I went for a full size journal as opposed to a 5 x 8 size, and I am glad I did. Many of the pictures I cut out of magazines would be too big for the smaller pages.
I just love when something is His idea. He is the one that makes it happen, not me. I marvel how He has drawn my heart at the perfect time each time I have worked on it with the children. You also need to know that I don't 'naturally' sit down with my littles and do 'crafty' things! Don't you just love it when it's Him?
Here are some other links for 'visual journals' and Endless Gifts
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
This verse, and others like it, are so easy for me to stop and look at for a moment, rattle off some things I’m thankful for, get a warm fuzzy feeling, and then move on.
When I stop and really meditate, and the Holy Spirit begins to show me ‘thing’ after 'thing' that would actually be included in “ all things”, and that giving thanks in all those things is God’s will for me, now its not so easy to move on.
“Lord Jesus, are you serious? Do You know how hard that is? All things? Really? This is Your will for me?”
“Yes”, a resounding, Yes!
The Lord has been dealing with me on these verses here and there, gently for the past few years. Step by step I have seen Him reveal a little more, convict a little more, expect a little more. In light of all the recent struggles with my health, the loss of our baby, and just life in general, I am finding this 'command' very difficult at times. I also am finding that those times I do get the victory and praise and thank Him, healing and joy come flooding into my heart.
I do desire to ‘be thankful in all things’, which, by the way, is pretty easy in the things that feel good. Where it gets difficult is for those much harder things,
I certainly do not have all the answers, but here are a few things He has been teaching me.
* Most often times it is ‘by faith’ that we thank Him, not because we feel thankful. And more often than not, it is through tears and clenched teeth that I offer my sacrifice of thanksgiving.
*God is love! Read it again. God is love. Perfect love. When I get a revelation of His deep and perfect love for me, I am not quite so thrown by the “things” that come into my life. This is a never ending process.
I hesitate to share this because 7-10 years ago this would have sent me for a loop. The thought of God allowing or even sending something so seemingly harmful in my life was more than I could bear. It has become easier as I have grown in the knowledge of His wisdom, His love, and His absolute sovereignty.
If He is
*I have to be convinced that His Word is true. An If I believe that, then I can believe, certainly by faith, that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Ro. 8:28)
This is certainly not an exhaustive exposition on thanking God in all things, just what is on my heart today. This is a challenging concept for me, as I am sure for others. Isn’t the prospect of being able to thank and praise Him no matter what the world, the devil, the flesh throws at you or even what God allows, a glorious aspiration?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
I don't snack while on the computer, oh, I did have a chocolate coconut milkshake one time.
2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without?
3. Beach, Mountains or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice?
Most definitely a farm on or near the mountains. Currently praying for a move to Kentucky.
4. What's your least favorite chore/household duty?
I really like to clean, my favorite is scouring out the kitchen sink! You have to realize that I feel like I don't get to clean very often, the children do the bulk of it. I just remembered a chore I don't like, putting away my clean clothes!
5. Who do people say you remind them of?
6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying at home with the fam?
Mostly staying home with family, occasionally having other families over. I don't like parties or socializing with lots of people I don't know well. I think for as outspoken and opinionated as I am, I am quite insecure.
7. What's your all time favorite movie?
8. Do you sleep in your make up or remove it like a good girl every night?
I wash my make up off, doesn't everybody?! L y n n e t t e, do you sleep in your make up?
9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had a chance to learn? What is it?
I would love to learn to play the piano. Sitting at the piano, worshiping the Lord, oh that sounds so dreamy. Oh, and I sure wish I could sing well.
10. What's one strange thing you're really good at?
My children pointed out that I am really good at getting hard boogies out of children's noses. I don't look down my nose at others, I look up others' noses. (This from my children;-)
11. What first attracted you to your spouse?
He is very handsome and he really liked me!
12. What is something you love to smell?
Freshly cleaned with Downy clothes and sheets! A baby's head just recently washed with Baby Magic shampoo. Newborn babies! Candles!
13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people.
Come on, are you serious, nobody thinks I am irritating! ;-) (See number 10)
14. When you have extra money (HA!) what's the first thing you think to do with it?
15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? What makes you laugh the hardest?
An out loud laugher. My dear husband makes me laugh the hardest.
16. Where is your favorite place to shop?
17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time?
Read, have more 'quiet time' write our family story and be with my hubby more. (we already do just about everything together, but it never feels like enough)
18. Are you a big spender or frugal?
Probably a big spender with a little frugality thrown in.
19. Who is your favorite character of all time (from a movie or book)? (Can't be real)
Tevye, the father from The Fiddler on the Roof
20. Would you want to be famous?
I don't think so.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
It seems odd to walk into my room and see the raindrops hitting the window.
I see the beautiful plant your papa bought for me.
I don’t know why it stops me in my tracks. I try to take a picture;
I think my heart desperately wants to find something,
I didn’t even really know you were there until you were gone.
Six they are in heaven
Nine down here on earth;
Six up in heaven
They died before their birth.
Jeremiah and Ephraim, two little boys
Baby B the twin,
He left without a noise.
Two they have no name,
One more is left you see,
It’s name is little Blessing
He is on God’s knee.
Though nine be here on earth,
Six more in heaven unseen,
Though only nine right here there be,
Of us there are fifteen.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
How is this possible?
I am so sad that I won’t get to love on this baby in this world.
Sad I won’t experience a wonderfully unique birth experience orchestrated by my Father.
Sad because He has put such a strong desire in my heart to have another baby,
Sad because when people see our family and do the inevitable head count, they won’t know that there are six more little ones that have a piece of our heart.
Sad because I didn’t hold my belly and whisper words of love.
I am surprised by the joy I feel, amidst this sorrow.
I rejoice that God chose my womb, once again to carry a life. I rejoice, even though I won’t meet this child here on earth, because this baby is in heaven with Jesus already.
I rejoice and sing over this little one just as I did my other children. This baby is no less precious to me than the nine I have held and the five other babies I never got to hold.
I rejoice, because I believe with all my heart that the Father has a special purpose for this baby’s life, no matter how short. I know, for some reason, possibly many, He formed this little one in me for those ten weeks.
I rejoice, because He chose me to be this baby’s mama. I rejoice in His love. I rejoice in His mercy and grace to carry me. I rejoice because He chose this sorrow for me. I rejoice because even sorrow is a treasure, filled with gifts unknown.
I rejoice that Brian and I can share in this sorrow together; it only glorifies and beautifies the oneness we share. I rejoice at the godly seed produced from God having made us ‘one’.
These tears seem to fall so frequently and it is hard to tell their origin. I think if you could somehow dissect each one, you would see that both sorrow and joy are their cause/origin equally. Yes, that is what it is, sorrow AND joy mingled together in each and every tear that falls.
We remember . . .
Baby B, the twin to our third born son.
A sweet baby we lost just after six weeks of knowing about you.
A precious life lost from an ectopic pregnancy.
Jeremiah, the baby I lost at seventeen weeks of pregnancy. We were so shocked and hurt, but we grew so much.
Ephraim, another baby lost at seventeen weeks. This time we were so devastated, but in one morning Jesus healed my heart. We went on to deliver him in a room filled with grace so thick you could feel it, really. The Lord gave us this name because of its meaning, we believe. It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering. (Genesis 41:52) He has indeed made us fruitful in the land of our suffering, we went on to have four more precious children in six years after this.
Beracah, the baby we just lost, whose name means blessing. I asked the Lord to name this baby as He has all our other children. Just the other day, He gave us this name. It was used in 2 Chronicles 20 in the context of the Valley of Beracah (Blessing) This has definitely been a Valley of Blessing in our lives.
Six babies waiting for us in heaven!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
When I realized how many of the readers of 'She Looketh Well' have lost babies to miscarriage, I thought it would be a neat idea to provide a place to share your loss and together we can pray for each other, praise our God, and remember these precious souls that are now in the arms of Jesus.
If you would like to join in, please feel free to post on your blog about your experience and then link up to Mr. Linky. Remember, it does not need to be some elaborate post, just share your heart and/or your experience. Something as simple as, how far along you were, due dates, names, anything you want it to be. If you would rather just leave the information in the comment section, that is fine too. I know myself, as well as the other women, would cherish the opportunity to pray for you and praise God for the life of your little one(s).
Also, I would like to recommend a book that I love and that ministered to me in a great way. I read this book about a month ago and was stunned by how amazing our God is, and how merciful and comforting He is.
It is called, In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me. It is by a sweet 'blog friend' of mine, Lynnette Kraft from Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground. Her testimony of severe heartache and God's love and mercy will touch your heart deeply. If you have ever experienced heartache or know someone who has, you will not be disappointed by this book, I promise you. Once I started reading, I could not put it down. She shares with raw, honest emotion the depths to which her heart was plunged, but, she also shares the awesomeness of our God, His faithfulness, and His love. If you page down her blog, on the right side is a place to order a signed copy of her book. Please check it out. Also, on the left side of her blog are pictures of her sweet family, including Samuel, Josiah and Anna, all who are dancing with Jesus.
The song below has ministered to me greatly these past few weeks. I hope you are ministered to also. He will carry you.
We want you to know that we love you just the same.
The day we rejoiced is also the day we cried.
You will never know pain or fear, only love and joy, perfectly.
What a privilege and honor to have carried you for those weeks,
I know with all my heart that my Father,
And the day I meet you will be glorious indeed.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Melissa and Lori, please email me with your home address so I can get these out to you!
I had so much fun putting these together! It was so hard to only pick two, though, I wish I could send everyone something. Thank you all for taking part in the blog party, I trust you met some wonderful women out there.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
I have been getting emails daily from women who are so hungry to 'hook up' with other like-minded women. I know many of my followers and faithful readers have not linked up yet, and I am asking you to do so for the sake of these women. I know you might not be interested in the give-away or think you have already done this, but please do. You all have so much to offer these women!
Without naming names ;-) Just off the top of my head . . . someone who lives without electricity . . .someone who likes to make cheese . . .someone who is married to a firefighter . . .someone who has a wonderfully peaceful blog. . .someone who often wonders if she is 'too old' to offer any 'modern' advice . . .someone who has been through some serious sorrows . . .someone who loves all things thrifty and 'farmy' . . .someone who has TEN children . . .someone who is very 'hip' . . .
These were all just off the top of my head . . . I know there are tons more, so come on ladies, sign into Mr. Linky, you never know how God might use you to touch another woman's life!
All you have to do is click on the Mr. Linky button and fill in your name and your blog address. In that link you will also find the other women who have linked up so you can visit their blogs.
Mr. Linky is in the Party Post.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I stumbled across these two videos by Christy Nockels. They are an amazing encouragement to mamas. Listen to them as you have time, I think they were 6-7 minutes each. Trust me, very, very encouraging!
When your done I'd love to hear your thoughts and how these might have touched your heart.
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Today has been a particularly difficult day. My 'feelings' have reigned, depression has reigned, pain has reigned, weariness, hopelessness, loneliness, self-pity, condemnation. . .you name it, if it's ugly, it has reined! Everything but the TRUTH!
Brian just left with the kids to go to Costco. Something chocolate and cold sounded really, really good. I knew we had some ice cream in the freezer that the kids must have brought home from grandma and grandpa's. (we don't buy ice cream very often, we make a really good one) As soon as they left I went to the freezer, noticed it was 25% fat free, which turned me off, and it was freezer burned. Also, when I looked at the ingredients, something my kids pray I never do, I dumped it! Sugar is horrible for adrenal fatigue, if I was going to poison myself I was at least going to do it with something I would enjoy! I knew I could make my own, but that would take 25 minutes, depression can't wait 25 minutes!
So I thought about our coconut milk ice cream recipe and said to myself, "self, we could make a coconut milk shake!" Brilliant!
Into the blender:
1 can coconut milk
3 squirts agave nectar
3-4 T. dark cocoa powder
lots of ice
Blend until smooth, creamy, cold and chocolaty!
Oh, the funny part? Well, I am notorious for sticking my spoon in the blender, risking spoon and blender each time. I just had to taste it, the blender was not that full, so my spoon hit the blade and chocolate coconut milkshake went flying everywhere! I stood there stunned, chocolate, coconut milkshake dripping from my hair and face. Plastered all over my clothes and bare feet. I went to the mirror and laughed out loud. I so wish I had taken a picture, but vanity won. (come on I have been crying all day, you wouldn't have done it either) Not to mention, I, even in the depression, chose healthy over junk. Who does that? It takes a pretty loopy mama!
I came back to enjoy my milkshake only to look up and see chocolate drips on both sides of the shelves inside the cupboard that was open, all over the fridge and the counter top. Once I cleaned it up, then I enjoyed the chocolate, coconut milkshake!
We will discuss the depravity of turning to chocolate in another post. For now, I'm smiling and my tummy is full! At least I made a healthy choice physically;-)