Whoa Nellie!

For years, there have been things in the past that when I talk about ‘giving thanks in all things’ I clarify, when I am being super transparent, that I am just not sure I can bring myself to thank God in/for them.

I always feel a bit of a ‘ping’ when I do this, but some things wreaked so much havoc in our lives.  The depth of the trauma so deep and so painful, I’ve teetered on giving thanks for those situations.

I would sort of waffle on that fine line of accepting the things that happened and actually trusting my Father enough to thank Him in all things.

I feel like I was able to forgive those involved.  I thought I totally accepted the situation, but did I really?  I recently heard myself say again, ‘I just don’t know if I can “thank” Him for that’.  ( I know it was not actually from His hand, but the enemy’s hand, but God allowed it)  As I said it, something just didn’t feel right.  Why don’t I thank Him?  Do I not trust Him to the uttermost?  There was unrest in my soul over it, but I felt closer than ever to saying, ‘Thank You’.

Today, reading a quote from Ann’s One Thousand Gifts Devotional

{That which I refuse to thank Christ for, I refuse to believe Christ can redeem.}

Is that what my refusal to thank Him for says?  That I don’t believe He can redeem it?  Whoa!  If this is true, and I believe it just might be, well, it feels like a dagger to my heart.  Of course I believe my Jesus can redeem all things.  When I see what He has done in my life . . . are you kidding me?

I have repented for having unforgiveness towards my Father, for accusing Him, for not trusting Him. I have thanked Him for every.single. painful circumstance in my life.  Sweet freedom and refreshment comes!

Have you been able to thank Him in ALL things??  I mean ALL things?  It’s hard, isn’t it?  I know.  It’s called radical obedience.  His Word says to ‘give thanks in all things’.  Notice it says “ALL”.  Praying for you.

Rejection Exposed

You have probably experienced it, right?  Not being picked.  Actually being rejected.  It comes in many ways; rejection. 

Maybe . . .

. . . you were the girl holding up the wall at the roller rink on Friday night after all the other girls got picked for ‘boys choice’.

. . . you desperately wanted to be a cheerleader and each attempt only met with, ‘sorry, you didn’t make the squad.’

. . . you can remember the breeze from the ‘popular’ girl’s hair as they whip their head around and give you a cold shoulder because you’re not ‘cool’ enough.

. . . you were dumped by the guy you ‘loved’ so much and gave yourself to, heart and . . . body.

. . . you practically ‘sold’ your soul and your body to just be loved, to be desired, to be chosen . . . just this once.

. . . your mama left your daddy, and you wondered what could be so wrong with me that a mama would leave her children.

. . . in fourth grade your teacher told you your handwriting was awful in front of the whole class.  She might have been trying to inspire, but the enemy whispered, you’re not good enough.

. . . you were told to ‘lose a few pounds’ and I’ll go out with you.( and you were the farthest thing from overweight!)

. . . you were called awful, cruel names in grade school.

. . . on more than one occasion you were a ‘little girl in a grown up body’ longing to be loved and accepted only to be brought home without a word and never to be called again.

. . . you were a ‘surprise’ to your parents.  Maybe they didn’t ‘want’ you.

. . . you never, ever were as good as your sister or brother.  Your parents made no bones about the fact that they thought your sibling was wonderful and you, well, frankly, you were not.

. . . your parents want a boy.

. . . you were given up for adoption.

Perhaps the above stories look like a fairy tale compared to your story, or maybe the ‘rejections’ you received paled in comparison and you feel stupid for even struggling with thoughts of unworthiness.

The point is not to determine how badly we were rejected.  I write about this to get us to recognize that we have been rejected and that it is a plot of the enemy to keep you from ever accepting and realizing the love that Father God has for us.

The above circumstances and many others like them were ‘doorpoints’ for a spirit of rejection to come in and torment you and keep you separated from the love of God.  You see, we will never be able to walk in the freedom and joy that God has for us if we have a spirit of rejection.  This evil spirit will never, ever, allow you to receive your daughtership.  You will miss out on the confidence of knowing that we are cherished, chosen and loved daughters of God.

Next time, Lord willing, “How Rejection Manifests”

Never Good Enough Syndrome

Here is what I observe. Most, if not all of the women I am in relationship with or minister to have hearts to please and honor God in all they do. They are not the type of Christian who shows up on Sunday morning for church and then lives like the world the rest of the week.

Nope, they are sold out for Christ. In fact, their lives are marked by an earnest and obvious pursuit to seek, obey, and honor Him in all they do.

Do you know what else I observe? They never feel like they do it good enough. They never measure up. They strive and work to do more, be better, pray harder. They desire to please God so much, but never really feel like they do please Him.

I can relate. “Hi, my name is Michelle. I am a recovering performance based, striving and never measuring up, crazy in love with a God I thought I could somehow please if I could just get it right, Christian.”

Here is the deal, though. I already am good enough. You see, I was chosen while I was dead in my sins to be a child of God! While I was completely NOT doing it right, he picked me to be His own. He made me holy and blameless in His sight. I am complete in Him. I am covered with the robe of righteousness.

Sounds good enough, don’t you think? When I read through the Word of God and see who God says I am – who I really am – aren’t I living in some serious unbelief when I live my life from such a place of striving? Isn’t performance, the never good enough syndrome, really unbelief? When I live from this place, aren’t I saying, “I don’t believe You, God?” (um, ouch!)

We need to recognize that this belief system is from the pit of hell. The accuser of the brethren desires to keep us chasing our tail always trying

SO.HARD.TO.GET.IT.RIGHT

but never able to arrive at that place of feeling ‘good enough’.

The fact that we fall down and sin everyday has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that, in Him, we already are good enough! He made us good enough.

I don’t care how many people the enemy used over the years to whisper – you are not worth it – you are not good enough. They were and are all lies.

You, my sister are worth it. You are indeed good enough! It is not me you need to believe, though, it is your Heavenly Father who loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you.

Repeat after me. “I am worthy because Christ made me worthy.” “I am Chosen. I am Holy. I am Loved.” “I am loved with and everlasting love.” “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” “ He made me on purpose knowing every mistake I’d make, and He still chose me and loves me because it is NOT based on what I do, but who I am in Christ!”

Need I go on? If you struggle with this and just can’t seem to grasp this concept, please email me for prayer or to answer any questions you might have. I have certainly not mastered this, but I love sharing what I am learning.

Looking Back

One year ago today, the Lord started us on this beautiful, wonderfully exciting journey to freedom; wholeness, actually.

I had received my copy of A More Excellent Way three weeks prior to this day. I knew immediately upon reading this book that after months and months of searching for answers, we were about to see some serious answers to our cries.

We set out right away to try to get me to Georgia for the For My Life Program. I remember it seemed like everything came against us. My mom and her husband were scheduled for a trip to Europe. (they would be the ones to stay with the children) I knew they would help cover the cost, so that was not an issue. The timing of the tickets, the hotel and the program were not coming together. But the biggest obstacle was leaving the children, we just didn’t have a peace with our options.

My heart sunk. I knew this was what we were supposed to do, but we just couldn’t make it happen. I just didn’t understand why we couldn’t go! I really struggled with anger towards God and accusation towards Him during this time. I was getting worse and all the doors seemed to be closing. ‘Why wouldn’t He let me go?’ “Why would He dangle this in front of me only to yank it away?’ (yes, I now see how heavily I was under the influence of the enemy, the Accuser)

We finally realized that going to GA was not an option right now and decided to pursue the For My Life Online Program.

Little did we know that this was exactly the Lord’s will for our family. Had Brian and I went to GA our family would have missed out on getting this teaching together. The Lord used to it to set our family free, not just Mom and Dad, who in turn would have to come home and hope to share what we had learned with the children, but the whole family.

On May 3, 2010 we started the FML online program. And so began our journey to wholeness. We watched approx. 2-2 1/2 hours a day. This was challenging as we had to work it around Brian’s work, life, a very sick Mama and littles. We watched an hour in the morning before all the littlest were up and in the evening after they went to bed.

I look back with great joy as I remember those three weeks of sitting under amazing teaching straight from the Word of God. It was so good. The weeks were not without their major bumps, but looking back now, it was awesome. We learned, we grew, we REPENTED of so much yuck, we cried (hard) as the scales were peeled away. Those weeks were emotionally draining yet extremely refreshing and exhilarating.

I highly recommend the book A More Excellent Way if you are struggling with health issues in any way. Please, if you have any questions regarding anything to do with the Adrenal Fatigue/Exhaustion that I struggled with or my healing and deliverance, please, please feel free to ask me! I want nothing more than to see others set free from the oppression of the enemy and to walk in the fullness the Lord has for them.

Oh, to the end that my tongue and my heart and everything glorious within me may sing praise to YOU! and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever!!

Out of the Pit

For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me. (Psalm 40:12)

I have been looking back at last year’s journals and posts. Beginning with the last week in March through the middle of May, were the absolute worst eight weeks of the Adrenal Fatigue/Exhaustion. Which is hard to believe, because 10 months earlier when I officially “crashed”, I was shockingly sick.

I began to spiral downward. Nothing, absolutely nothing was working to stop it either. Not the hundreds of dollars each week in quality supplements. Not the impeccable diet or the copious amounts of physical rest. (I say ‘physical’ because there was zero internal rest going on) Nothing.

I shake my head in awe today, when I look back. How He took me from the pit and put me where I am today just astounds me!

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. (Psalm 40:2)

One thing that was so shocking to me is that it was 100% spiritual. Oh, I know we don’t like to talk about that, do we? For some reason we feel accused when someone mentions that maybe a sickness is a fruit of unrighteousness in our lives. We like it better if we can keep it in the physical realm. Something concrete to pin it on. Something, you know, not my fault.

I think if we could really understand how connected we are, spirit-soul-body, we wouldn’t feel so threatened.

You see, while absolutely, 100% of my symptoms were as real and physical as they could be, behind them or the cause of them, was spiritual. The physical is affected by the spiritual. I believe this is the case way more than we know and way, way more than we give credit for.

If we had an understanding of how our thoughts affect our bodies, how our thoughts, participation with sin affects the physical, we wouldn’t be so ‘scared’ to admit that a little repentance and deliverance might alleviate some of the symptoms, syndromes and diseases we are dealing with.

When we think of ‘sin’, we think of the more obvious sins, lying, stealing, cheating, murder, ect. and we think, ‘what sin could be behind my illness?’ Well, I am talking about things like FEAR!, guilt, rejection, envy, jealousy, feeling unloved, self-hatred, self-bitterness, and more. (these are every bit sin as the above sins)

So many of us suffer needlessly because we are looking in the wrong place for healing! Many, many “diseases” and “syndromes” are not going to be healed through diet, or supplements or drugs or by ‘confessing’ yourself healed.

My heart aches, especially for the Mamas who are sick and have no clue why. (My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge . . . Hosea 4:6) If you know a Mama or are a Mama who is sick with some malady like Adrenal Fatigue/Exhaustion, any of the symptoms that go with it like, depression, anxiety, hypo-glycemia, extreme exhaustion, hypo or hyper-thyroid or any other ‘syndrome’, please feel free to email me or ask any questions. I certainly do NOT have all the answers, but if there is any way I can help, I would be honored.

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. (Psalm 40:3)

Freedom is Sweet!

One of the ‘indicators’, if you will, of a spirit of guilt operating  in your life might be ‘regret’ and/or ‘remorse’.

Several weeks ago, I realized that every time I would look at old family photos, old home videos, or a child was turning 20, or 19 or 15 or 10, the age didn’t matter, I would feel sadness.  Something didn’t feel right, but I couldn’t discern it.  I could never look back and have joy over the events or revel in the beauty of growth and change.

I prayed, asking the Lord to give me discernment into this.  It was obvious that something was not right.  It wasn’t long before, through teachings, His Word and circumstances that this kind of thinking was tied to a spirit of guilt.  As I repented and removed and began to fill my mind with Truth, freedom came.  I was able to discern that the ‘names’ for those feelings were indeed ‘regret’ and ‘remorse’.  Discerning, naming, repenting and removing has brought a whole new outlook on life.

It was like I had these dark glasses on that only allowed me to see things through guilt.  This is how I would describe what it is like as I discern each new layer of bondage the Lord is removing.  Can I tell you the world looks entirely different than it did 337 days ago!?

The joy that fills my soul as I face each day without guilt! (not to mention,a spirit of  fear, performance, drivenness, envy, jealousy . . . shall I keep going? )

I watched an old home video last night, guess what?  Nothing but pure joy and thankfulness for the life we have lived.  No regrets.  No remorse.  No guilt.  Just joy!  Freedom is sweet.

Discerning Drivenness

Drivenness is friends with Performance. I would suspect that the two usually hang out together. If you see one, the other is probably right there too.

For me, it seemed like Drivenness was the drive behind Performance. It always drives and pushes. It likes to use the word ‘should’. You might think things like, ‘I should be doing this or that . . . I should bring a meal, work in the nursery, do more school with the children, keep this house up better . . . I should, I should, I should!’

One thing I want you to notice is the enemy rarely comes at you in the second person, as in, “you should . . .” That would be easier to detect. No, he’s more subtle and uses the first person, “I should”. Therefore, you think it is you having the thoughts, not him. It actually feels like it is just part of your personality.

I am not saying we shouldn’t be doing all those things, but the question is, ‘what spirit is behind it’? Is it the Holy Spirit leading you? Is it the enemy driving you through Drivenness and/or Performance?

That is another point. Do you feel led or driven? Jesus NEVER drives His sheep. He only leads them. The enemy drives and drives hard. It is relentless, eventually. If I am feeling driven to do anything, that is my clue to stop, pray, listen and discern. My goal is to refuse to do anything I feel “driven” to do.

Drivenness will keep you running and chasing and doing, never able to fully enter His rest. Never able to be at peace on the inside. It will even drive you to try and find that peace.

You can see how Performance fits here too, right? If you feel the need to perform to be loved, Drivenness will come along and help you perform. It is a vicious cycle, often ending in various ‘syndromes’, including, Adrenal Fatigue, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, and others.

The enemy doesn’t care, He wants you dead, or at the very least chasing your tail until you collapse. Do not forget the the thief comes to STEAL, KILL AND DESTROY you, your health, your life, your family. He will use anything, even Performance and Drivenness.

When I was delivered from Drivenness last August, it became apparent to me that it had been such a part of who I was, that once it was gone, I felt sort of lost, as though something was missing. (Which is kind of funny, because something was missing, Drivenness! )

I described it as that feeling that whatever was always pushing me from behind was gone. I cried when I realized for the first time in a long time I wasn’t feeling pushed. There was such peace and rest on the inside. Before, I hadn’t realized that that is what it felt like, but now that it was gone, I could really tell. I kept saying, ‘feels like something is missing.’ To which Brian would respond with, ‘um, yeah, a spirit of drivenness.’

Of course there is a ‘walkout’ to this. The temptation to go right back into Drivenness is right there. I have definitely stumbled. I have had countless opportunity to put in to practice what I am learning and it is so cool to handle things without Drivenness! Since last August there have been quite a few big opportunities to walk right back into that crazy mindset. We had my son’s graduation party, a big baptism party, the holidays, a trip to Georgia, starting back at school. I was a totally different person handling these things. I still did what needed to be done, but without the stress and drivenness. I was able to trust God to work things out. If you asked my children today, they would totally agree that Mama is a different person.

I encourage you to examine your motives or the ‘spirit’ behind the things you do. Do you feel like you are always ‘pushed’ and ‘driven’ to do things? Do you lack the inner peace, especially as you set out to accomplish what ‘you’ think needs to be done?

The next time you feel you ‘should’ do something, ask yourself if it is something the Lord would have you do or is there another voice driving you.

Performance Exposed!

I was sitting there folding laundry after a day of doing all things 'homemaking' and loving it! I had the thought, 'this is the last load, me sitting here folding it, I'm such a good mama'

At first glance this would seem like progress for me as I continue to walk out years of listening to lies about just how horrible I am as a person, mother and wife. Just about then, alarms went off in my head!

Wrong! I am NOT a good mama (which really translates 'good person') because of what I do. I am NOT more loved, more valuable, more anything, based on what I do! This is performance! (I am intimately aquaninted with performance, we go way back)

Countless lies . . . I'm worth loving because I . . .

• am a good cook
• bake my own bread
• am great at organizing
• keep a tight schedule
• am disciplined
• serve organic foods
• have lots of children
• homeschool my children
• have a quiet time
• {fill in the blank} the list is endless

"See, I do all these things, there, do you love me?" "Am I valuable?" "Can I stay here and take up space and oxygen just one more day? (these are the unspoken thoughts that we often don't know are behind the performance)

This is what it looks and feels like to have listened to the lies of an unloving/anti-Christ spirit for years. Nothing you ever do is good enough. Maybe if I just do it perfectly, or do more, or do it better, then, maybe then I'll 'feel' loved.

These are all lies! If you hear these things or have your own version of these thoughts you have got to know THEY ARE ALL LIES from the enemy of your soul, the accuser of the brethren.

Maybe you don't even recognize them as separate thoughts yet, the lies are such a part of who you are. I know I didn't for years. No matter how many times Brian or others would try to tell me, I just didn't see it. Deep down in my core I believed I had to somehow earn my right to exist because I was so bad. I would reason in my head, if they really knew how awful I am they wouldn't be saying that.

You and I are NOT loved based on what we do or if we do it good enough!

We are accepted and loved based on what Jesus did, not what we do. Imagine life without the feeling of always having to do and do and do and do it perfectly. Trust me when I say I am beginning to see just how beautiful and restful it is. Such peace. Peace I have been striving to have for years.

You are a new creature, old things have passed away, behold all things are become new. (not already all the way 'have' become new, but are becoming, so quit looking at your failures ;-))

You are reconciled to God by Jesus Christ! (reconciled implies that God has laid aside His wrath and has taken our sin upon Himself and became an atonement)

He is no longer holding your sins, mistakes, errors, faults, wrong doings against you! (why are you?)

I beseech you, be ye reconciled to God--you already are in the Spirit--but be ye reconciled in your mind!

For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for you so that YOU could become the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. You are the righteousness of God!

You already are good enough! He made you 'good enough'!

You have been justified (made righteousness) by faith and you have PEACE WITH GOD!

He is crazy about you! You are standing in the grace, the absolute freeness of His loving-kindness.

He loves you so much, that even while you were a stinking mess, in a state of complete wretchedness, completely godless, Christ died for you. That is how He showed His love, He actually died for you when you were 'worthless'.

He has made you worthy. Nothing you could ever do could make Him love you more. You just need to believe it and receive His love.

Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us that we should become sons of God. . .

YOU are a child of God! You are good enough!

Do you recognize any of these lies? Doe you live a life of performance and have no clue why you do? Do you struggle with the thought that your Father loves you right here, right now, at this level of sanctification and yuck? He does!

Do You?

‘I love myself.’ I was sort of surprised that it flowed out of me onto my computer screen. I was leaving a comment and I typed. ‘I love myself’ ‘I love who I am and who God is making me into’

It sort of shocked me. You see, for years, and years, probably my whole life, I have really not liked myself. Actually, I hated myself, or at least parts of me.

Armed with the understanding that these are ALL lies from the enemy, freedom has and is coming. As I continue to walk out my healing and deliverance, more and more lies are exposed and chain after chain falls off of me.

With the recent release from a spirit of guilt, my eyes have been opened to even more lies I have listened to. Once guilt was gone, I realized that God created me, is pleased with me right now, at this level of sanctification and maturity, and loves me with an everlasting love. (I know we all give ‘lip-service’ to these truths, but until we really believe them and act upon them, it is just that, lip-service.) In fact, He loved me at my absolute lowest level of sanctification!

For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. . . But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8)

“without strength” in the above verse means, ‘powerless, in a state of wretchedness’

“commendeth” means, to ‘declare, show, make known’

Furthermore,

But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. (Eph. 2:4-7)

When I was dead in my sins!!

Do you know that it is actually a sin to hate or even dislike yourself? A sin to not love yourself? What is the greatest and first commandment?

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. (Matthew 22:37-39)

I believe this implies that we are to love ourselves. If our Father loves us . . . if He sent His Son to die for us . . . if He created us, fearfully and wonderfully . . . if in Him, we are the righteousness of God . . . what right do we have to hate ourselves?

Are you hard on yourself? Your own worst critic?

Does the sound of your own voice make you cringe?

Do you always feel like ‘it’ is your fault? (whatever ‘it’ is)

Do you feel like you never do it good enough?

Like you will never get it right?

Do you hate to have your picture taken because you are so, {fill in the blank}?

Do you never measure up in your own mind?

Do you struggle with perfectionism, competition, comparison, guilt, self-condemnation, constant need for approval???

These are lies that we have believed for years. They are so much a part of us that we don’t even recognize them. If we really believed the Truth, the above questions would be shocking to us, but they aren’t, are they?

I encourage you to take this to the Lord and have Him search your heart. Ask Him to reveal the core lies that you have been listening to for years. Recognize and take responsibility for listening to these lies. Repent for participating with them and believing them. Remove them in the name of Jesus.

Begin to renew your mind with the Truth. It is the Truth that makes us free. Let your Father speak to your heart. Wash your mind with the water of the Word. Refuse to listen to the lies anymore!

His Thoughts Toward You!!

I was delighting in the Lord this morning and renewing my mind with just how very much He loves me. Like I mentioned in my post on guilt and shame, it is so important to renew our minds with Truth to wash away the lies and programming that we have believed for years.

I added the following to my “I believe” list and I will finish with something that put a huge smile on my face.

• I believe You found me, led me, instructed me and have kept me as the apple of Your eye. (the very center of your attention) (Deut. 32:9-10)
• I believe You have graven me upon the palms of Your hands.
• I believe my walls are continually before You. (Isaiah 49:15-16)

I was about to write out Jeremiah 29:11 as one of my “I believes”, but I just had to study out some of the words.

Most of us are very familiar with this verse, but before you just toss it aside, let the words go deep. Believe them over all the lies of the enemy. Over all the circumstances of life that seem contrary. I am pleading with you to BELIEVE Him over what you see and feel. Refuse to let the enemy rob you of this truth.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

thoughts of peace popped off the page, remember our study on peace??

Shalom: health, security, tranquility, good condition, success, comfort.

Shalom expresses completeness, harmony, fulfillment.

Thoughts: imaginations, intentions, purpose, plan.

Listen to what this is saying about your God and His thoughts towards you!!! Also, remember this . . .

How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. (Psalm 139:17-18)

So, the great sum--more than the sand--thoughts, imaginations, intentions, purposes and plans the Lord has towards YOU are HEALTH, SECURITY, TRANQUILITY, GOOD CONDITION, SUCCESS, COMFORT, COMPLETENESS, HARMONY, FULFILLMENT!

I don’t know about you, but I think if I could just really take that in and believe that instead of what I see or feel my whole world would be rocked! Once again, stop defining what I think about God by what I see and define it by what the Word says! This is His heart toward us. Let’s stop questioning His heart. Refuse to believe anything else. When the ‘yeah, buts’ come, which they may have already, cast them down and take them captive!!

Shalom to you, my sisters! Shalom!

Guilt and Shame

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.

For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

I beseech you, I plead with you to be ye reconciled to God! (2 Corinthians 17-21)

We carry so much guilt and shame. I see it everywhere in the lives of women I know and love. I have seen it in my own heart. The weight of this guilt and shame renders us nearly incapable of living the life He has planned for us. We limp and we crawl. We label ourselves: Thief! Murderer! Failure! Adulteress! Loser!

Do you feel the weight of guilt? It is so heavy. When we hear about the forgiveness that we have in Christ, we give a nod, ‘oh, yeah, I know He forgives me’. But deep in our hearts we hear a whisper, ‘but you don’t know what I have done’. ‘I’m unclean, unworthy, dirt, refuse’.

And so it goes, years of believing we are no good, guilty of grievous sins, our hearts fracture more, the separation we feel from God gets deeper. Surely the contempt and hatred we feel for ourselves deepens. And it shows up in our relationships with others. We cannot truly love if we don't know what love is. Others, we keep at a distance lest they see the filth. Or, we can’t bear to be with them because the comparison of their lives with ours just heaps the guilt, higher and heavier.

It begins to show up in our bodies. Many physical maladies are the fruit of guilt and shame.

WAKE UP! OPEN YOUR EYES! IT.IS.A.LIE!!

You are not guilty! You are forgiven! He carried all the guilt, all the shame, all the punishment, for you, on the cross. You are being deceived. It is a trick.

Yes, you sinned. Yes, there are consequences, but guilt and shame are not one of them. You sinned, but you are not sin. (Romans 7) It was sin in you that you participated with. But, if you are a child of God and have repented, it is gone, buried in the sea of forgetfulness. It is gone. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for you.

How dare you hold on to what He shed His blood for? Carrying guilt and shame, listening to their lies, now that is sin. REPENT—GO—THE—OTHER—WAY! Stop listening to the lies. You are not guilty anymore!

If you would like to be free from this guilt . . .

Father God, I recognize and take responsibility for listening to and participating with a spirit of guilt and shame. I ask Your forgiveness and I renounce these sins. Thank You that You forgive me. Thank You that You remember my sins no more, why should I? Guilt and shame, I see you and I say go! Leave my heart and mind in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth!

“I am not guilty, I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus”

“I confess my sins and He is faithful to forgive me and cleanse me from ALL unrighteousness.”

“He remembers my sins no more”

“I am precious and honored in His sight. He loves me with an everlasting love”

“He chose me in Him before the foundation of the world”

“I have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of my sins”

Refuse to allow guilt and shame to speak to you. You have got to take your thoughts captive. Any thoughts of guilt and shame for past sins is a lie from the enemy. Recognize it is such and cast it down.

Renew your mind with the truth.

(For further reading, Psalm 103:12, 1 John 1:9 Psalm 32:5, 1 Corinthians 6:11, Hebrews 8:12, Micah 7:19, 2 Peter 1:9)

Sweetly Broken

My mind was swimming with thoughts, my emotions all jumbled and confused.

Could this really be the time You are going to answer this Mama's plea? Rescue our Prodigal? Doubt and unbelief, their whispers get louder. “How many times have you prayed and hoped, only to be wrong yet again?’ ‘Nothing is going to change, it hasn’t yet’.

I am shocked by the depth of emotions. This raw pain, I didn’t even know it was still there. Guess I boxed it up all neat and tidy and went on with life. Put on my happy face. I have boarded up that area of my heart to protect it from disappointment.

I am reading in John 11, about Martha, Mary and Lazarus. The story is familiar . . . but wait, these words cut deep . . . Lord, if you had been there . . .

I feel as though the wind has been knocked clear out of me. I grab my chest, my eyes pour hot tears. I am angry and hurt. I see myself in Martha and Mary. “Jesus, if You had just been there, or there, or stopped that . . .”

I cry long and deep. I recognize the accusation in my heart. I repent and cry. This hurts, but I want it all out, to be cleansed. I am tempted to wipe the tears, board up my heart, deal with this another time.

I hear Him ‘beckon me to the cross’, I am overwhelmed, lost for words. Whisper, ‘cleanse me, Father, make me whole. I remember days earlier pleading with Him to go deep in my heart. Don’t just heal me, make me whole. Leave no bitterness, no hidden sin. Reveal my heart.

The tears, they continue to flow, but now it is from overwhelming love that has flooded my heart. I am sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

I listen to His voice as He reminds me to believe and I will see the glory of the Lord, to trust, to not lean on my own understanding (or the past)

The lies are fading as I meditate on the Truth, as I choose to believe.

What really do I have to lose? If I stay in fear, doubt and unbelief, my closed up heart might not be hurt again, but I also might not ever see the answer to my prayers. Or, I could open my heart and trust my faithful God and believe and see the glory of God. I choose to believe!…all things are possible to him who believes.

This week will prove to be monumental in a young man’s life, whom we hold very dear. Believe with us that the glory of God will be manifest in this situation. Could I humbly ask that our family be lifted to the throne of grace all this week?

Relentlessly Pursuing . . . Deliverance and Wholeness