Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Return to Him

Do you feel a 'distance' between you and your Father? Feeling a bit 'lost'? Things don't quite seem like they used to? Have you been busy, distracted, chasing and running? Feeling a bit 'spent' and long to hear His voice, sense His presence, see His hand? Yeah, me too.
I have felt this way off and on for a long, long time. I'm not saying like I have strayed from Him and never see His hand or hear His voice, just sort of a longing for more. The last couple of weeks I feel like I have been quietly crying out to Him here and there, knowing my own heart is so prone to wander. Asking Him to 'allure me to wilderness', to 'speak tenderly' to me. To cause my heart to burn with hunger for His word. To make me want to read His word. To pull my grimy hands off this 'world' and open them up to receive from Him. I wondered if He could just reach down and grab my head and turn it towards Him, as it seemed impossible to do on my own.
Can you relate to any of this? Is it just me? I just wanted to encourage you, though He tarry, wait for Him!! Because, ladies, when He 'shows up' (I know He never leaves, it's us how wander, you know what I mean) it's all over but the shouting!!
He is infinitely patient and loving and kind and merciful with us. He hears our cries, He really, really hears them!! Trust that He does. Wait for Him.
A few verses that I just can't stop meditating on. I read them over and over and they just keep washing over me, washing away so much and filling me with so much. Part of me wants to go and add my 'commentary' so you really, really get it. But I will let the Holy Spirit do that.  I challenge you, if you can relate to what I wrote above, see if this ministers to your heart in any way. Isaiah 30:15-26
Much love and prayers for where you are today!! He is faithful, you can rest in Him.
For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength. But you would not,
16 And you said, No! We will speed [our own course] on horses! Therefore you will speed [in flight from your enemies]! You said, We will ride upon swift steeds [doing our own way]! Therefore will they who pursue you be swift, [so swift that]
17 One thousand of you will flee at the threat of one of them; at the threat of five you will flee till you are left like a beacon or a flagpole on the top of a mountain, and like a signal on a hill.
18 And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!
19 O people who dwell in Zion at Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.
20 And though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes will constantly behold your Teacher.
21 And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.
22 Then you will defile your carved images overlaid with silver and your molten images plated with gold; you will cast them away as a filthy bloodstained cloth, and you will say to them, Be gone!
23 Then will He give you rain for the seed with which you sow the soil, and bread grain from the produce of the ground, and it will be rich and plentiful. In that day your cattle will feed in large pastures.
24 The oxen likewise and the young donkeys that till the ground will eat savory and salted fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and with fork.
25 And upon every high mountain and upon every high hill there will be brooks and streams of water in the day of the great slaughter [the day of the Lord], when the towers fall [and all His enemies are destroyed].
26 Moreover, the light of the moon will be like the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, like the light of seven days [concentrated in one], in the day that the Lord binds up the hurt of His people, and heals their wound [inflicted by Him because of their sins].

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Hello Forty-nine!

HELLO EVERYONE!!!! I MISS YOU!!! I hope you enjoy this.
Well, Hello Forty-nine!
Dear, dear Forty-nine. It is so very nice to meet you. I really had no idea you would be here so soon. And if I am being honest, I thought you would feel much older. Years ago I thought of 49 as ‘so old’. You think those things in your 20s and 30s. Can I let you in on one more secret? When I was younger, I was a little bit afraid of you. Even though we are meeting for the very first time today, it feels as if know you.
What you mean to me, ‘Forty-nine’
Becoming ‘Forty-nine’ has been one of the hardest things I have done. You see, it took 48 years to get here, no small feat! You see and experience a lot if 48 years.
There were turbulent and terrifying years during most of the first half of those years. So much confusion and pain. Being lost and alone. Chasing after anything to fill the empty void. Those first two decades left me scarred, broken and honestly, seemingly ruined for life.
Things started to look up. I met and married this amazing man who loved me like no other. We began our life together. I thought to myself, what could possibly be better than this? All my ‘dreams’ have come true. Yes, definitely all ‘pie in the sky’ youth.
But something even more wonderful happened to me. I met Jesus! Oh, might seem small to some or cliché, but let me assure you IT IS NOT! To be known and loved by Him. To know Him! Nothing can compare. He came and washed my heart clean. He healed and continues to heal my broken heart, to mend all the wounds and scars. I am almost positive I would have never met you, Forty-nine, if not for Him. That life, once in a heap, destined for ‘ruined’ status for all of eternity has been redeemed! It is now destined to spend eternity with the King of kings!
Oh, and Forty-nine, you know it didn’t end there, don’t you. While Jesus has walked by my side, there has been so much joy and good, more than anyone deserves, I am sure of it. I have experienced great and deep love and intimacy with this man of mine. Together we have experienced the birth and raising of nine eternal, gifted and amazing children! I know, right, NINE! So you see why I feel so blessed and humbled that I get to meet you. It is a gift, all of it!! And don’t you ever question why I need a nap, just re-read the above paragraph and give a woman a break.
Forty-nine, while there was great and indescribable joy, there has been pain and heartache. You know, though, don’t you? While we are so honored to have nine here, our hearts ached and grieved over the six we have in heaven. The ‘years from hell’, that’s what I call them, those ten years of darkness. When things were turned upside down, we faced devastation and fear. We experienced things it would seem no mortal should. I’m thinking of changing the name, by the way, from ‘years from hell’ to the ‘years He was there’ (YAHWEH-SHAMMAH- The Lord is there) Because He was, you know, He was there, through it all with us.
Oh, Forty-nine, so much in such a short amount of time! There was a time when I was so sick. Sick and in bed, unable to be the wife and mama God created me to be. Talk about terrifying and hopeless. Then, came glorious healing and deliverance. The story is long and beautiful, perhaps another time.
And now, these last few years, becoming even more ‘me’, the ‘me’ He created from the beginning of time. Always imperfect, but growing more and more into His image. These years of learning more and more the value and importance of this time we have here. Learning it’s okay to have fun, to laugh, to be silly. Learning ‘ain’t nobody got time’ for that kind of negativity, those people who the enemy of our soul uses to seek to destroy you with their drama. Learning and discerning his lying voice and walking away from his lies. Learning to LIVE, to really live! Learning that ‘every little thing is going to be alright’.
You see Forty-nine, we, just now are really starting to live! I wouldn’t change a thing. I would not, for a million dollars go back to being ‘young’. Nope, I love you, Forty-nine! You are SO awesome and we are going to get along just fine. I am looking forward to meeting Fifty, though, but only after you and I have given it our ‘all’ together. Only after we love a bunch more people, share what we have learned, cry, laugh and chase those things the Lord has prepared for us.
Welcome, Forty-nine, SO VERY GLAD to meet you!!