HELLO EVERYONE!!!! I MISS YOU!!! I hope you enjoy this.
Well, Hello Forty-nine!
Dear, dear Forty-nine. It is so very nice to meet you. I really had no idea you would be here so soon. And if I am being honest, I thought you would feel much older. Years ago I thought of 49 as ‘so old’. You think those things in your 20s and 30s. Can I let you in on one more secret? When I was younger, I was a little bit afraid of you. Even though we are meeting for the very first time today, it feels as if know you.
What you mean to me, ‘Forty-nine’
Becoming ‘Forty-nine’ has been one of the hardest things I have done. You see, it took 48 years to get here, no small feat! You see and experience a lot if 48 years.
There were turbulent and terrifying years during most of the first half of those years. So much confusion and pain. Being lost and alone. Chasing after anything to fill the empty void. Those first two decades left me scarred, broken and honestly, seemingly ruined for life.
Things started to look up. I met and married this amazing man who loved me like no other. We began our life together. I thought to myself, what could possibly be better than this? All my ‘dreams’ have come true. Yes, definitely all ‘pie in the sky’ youth.
But something even more wonderful happened to me. I met Jesus! Oh, might seem small to some or cliché, but let me assure you IT IS NOT! To be known and loved by Him. To know Him! Nothing can compare. He came and washed my heart clean. He healed and continues to heal my broken heart, to mend all the wounds and scars. I am almost positive I would have never met you, Forty-nine, if not for Him. That life, once in a heap, destined for ‘ruined’ status for all of eternity has been redeemed! It is now destined to spend eternity with the King of kings!
Oh, and Forty-nine, you know it didn’t end there, don’t you. While Jesus has walked by my side, there has been so much joy and good, more than anyone deserves, I am sure of it. I have experienced great and deep love and intimacy with this man of mine. Together we have experienced the birth and raising of nine eternal, gifted and amazing children! I know, right, NINE! So you see why I feel so blessed and humbled that I get to meet you. It is a gift, all of it!! And don’t you ever question why I need a nap, just re-read the above paragraph and give a woman a break.
Forty-nine, while there was great and indescribable joy, there has been pain and heartache. You know, though, don’t you? While we are so honored to have nine here, our hearts ached and grieved over the six we have in heaven. The ‘years from hell’, that’s what I call them, those ten years of darkness. When things were turned upside down, we faced devastation and fear. We experienced things it would seem no mortal should. I’m thinking of changing the name, by the way, from ‘years from hell’ to the ‘years He was there’ (YAHWEH-SHAMMAH- The Lord is there) Because He was, you know, He was there, through it all with us.
Oh, Forty-nine, so much in such a short amount of time! There was a time when I was so sick. Sick and in bed, unable to be the wife and mama God created me to be. Talk about terrifying and hopeless. Then, came glorious healing and deliverance. The story is long and beautiful, perhaps another time.
And now, these last few years, becoming even more ‘me’, the ‘me’ He created from the beginning of time. Always imperfect, but growing more and more into His image. These years of learning more and more the value and importance of this time we have here. Learning it’s okay to have fun, to laugh, to be silly. Learning ‘ain’t nobody got time’ for that kind of negativity, those people who the enemy of our soul uses to seek to destroy you with their drama. Learning and discerning his lying voice and walking away from his lies. Learning to LIVE, to really live! Learning that ‘every little thing is going to be alright’.
You see Forty-nine, we, just now are really starting to live! I wouldn’t change a thing. I would not, for a million dollars go back to being ‘young’. Nope, I love you, Forty-nine! You are SO awesome and we are going to get along just fine. I am looking forward to meeting Fifty, though, but only after you and I have given it our ‘all’ together. Only after we love a bunch more people, share what we have learned, cry, laugh and chase those things the Lord has prepared for us.
Welcome, Forty-nine, SO VERY GLAD to meet you!!