Like I mentioned in the last post, this past year has sort of knocked the wind out of me. I find myself just wanting to retreat and escape. I find it easier to just sit and veg on the computer rather than engaging in real life.
Home schooling has definitely looked different these past few years as our family business has grown. I love what the Lord has done and the things He has set me free from in regards to what a ‘true’ education is. But, I have been struggling these past few years with motivation to keep on keeping on. We have been home schooling for nearly 20 years! And, Lord willing, we have a good 12 left! Did I mention I am just plain old weary?? Can you see the problem here?
I know I just needed a kick in the pants, and I am sure Brian has tried. He is so patient and so encouraging when I get like this, but I just refused to listen.
I was talking to my dear friend, Cindy, lamenting about how I needed to get back to school this coming week and how much I was dreading it. If my knuckles could drag on the floor, they would be. I was doing my fair share of whining. YES, ladies, it’s true! Even home school mamas get tired, weary and discouraged and just want to quit!
She asked, ‘well, how committed are you to home schooling?’
Um, cough, ‘pretty committed’. The thought of not home schooling sort of jarred me to my senses. “I would say I am 99.9% (only cause I am whining at the moment) and Brian is 200% committed.”
“Well then,” she continued, “I guess you best commit to this, put your hand to the plow and don’t look back! Pull up your big girl panties and put what Michelle ‘wants’ to the side a bit.”
Huh! She’s right! Simple as that. Quit your bellyaching. Better is an open rebuke than love that is concealed . . .wounds from a friend can be trusted . . . Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. Everybody needs a friend like that. I later told Brian, he was like, ‘wow, how did she get away with that??!”
Peace returns when double-mindedness leaves. I think the most painful place is that non-committed, wishy-washy, whiney place. Once we commit and trust the Lord, peace comes. So, I have put my hand to the plow and will not look back! Well, if I do, I am sure Cindy will grab hold of my face and turn it back!
The verse I feel the Lord is encouraging me with for this step of faith and obedience,
Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will not be put to shame. Isaiah 50:7