Drivenness is friends with Performance. I would suspect that the two usually hang out together. If you see one, the other is probably right there too.
For me, it seemed like Drivenness was the drive behind Performance. It always drives and pushes. It likes to use the word ‘should’. You might think things like, ‘I should be doing this or that . . . I should bring a meal, work in the nursery, do more school with the children, keep this house up better . . . I should, I should, I should!’
One thing I want you to notice is the enemy rarely comes at you in the second person, as in, “you should . . .” That would be easier to detect. No, he’s more subtle and uses the first person, “I should”. Therefore, you think it is you having the thoughts, not him. It actually feels like it is just part of your personality.
I am not saying we shouldn’t be doing all those things, but the question is, ‘what spirit is behind it’? Is it the Holy Spirit leading you? Is it the enemy driving you through Drivenness and/or Performance?
That is another point. Do you feel led or driven? Jesus NEVER drives His sheep. He only leads them. The enemy drives and drives hard. It is relentless, eventually. If I am feeling driven to do anything, that is my clue to stop, pray, listen and discern. My goal is to refuse to do anything I feel “driven” to do.
Drivenness will keep you running and chasing and doing, never able to fully enter His rest. Never able to be at peace on the inside. It will even drive you to try and find that peace.
You can see how Performance fits here too, right? If you feel the need to perform to be loved, Drivenness will come along and help you perform. It is a vicious cycle, often ending in various ‘syndromes’, including, Adrenal Fatigue, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, and others.
The enemy doesn’t care, He wants you dead, or at the very least chasing your tail until you collapse. Do not forget the the thief comes to STEAL, KILL AND DESTROY you, your health, your life, your family. He will use anything, even Performance and Drivenness.
When I was delivered from Drivenness last August, it became apparent to me that it had been such a part of who I was, that once it was gone, I felt sort of lost, as though something was missing. (Which is kind of funny, because something was missing, Drivenness! )
I described it as that feeling that whatever was always pushing me from behind was gone. I cried when I realized for the first time in a long time I wasn’t feeling pushed. There was such peace and rest on the inside. Before, I hadn’t realized that that is what it felt like, but now that it was gone, I could really tell. I kept saying, ‘feels like something is missing.’ To which Brian would respond with, ‘um, yeah, a spirit of drivenness.’
Of course there is a ‘walkout’ to this. The temptation to go right back into Drivenness is right there. I have definitely stumbled. I have had countless opportunity to put in to practice what I am learning and it is so cool to handle things without Drivenness! Since last August there have been quite a few big opportunities to walk right back into that crazy mindset. We had my son’s graduation party, a big baptism party, the holidays, a trip to Georgia, starting back at school. I was a totally different person handling these things. I still did what needed to be done, but without the stress and drivenness. I was able to trust God to work things out. If you asked my children today, they would totally agree that Mama is a different person.
I encourage you to examine your motives or the ‘spirit’ behind the things you do. Do you feel like you are always ‘pushed’ and ‘driven’ to do things? Do you lack the inner peace, especially as you set out to accomplish what ‘you’ think needs to be done?
The next time you feel you ‘should’ do something, ask yourself if it is something the Lord would have you do or is there another voice driving you.