Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Performance Exposed!

I was sitting there folding laundry after a day of doing all things 'homemaking' and loving it! I had the thought, 'this is the last load, me sitting here folding it, I'm such a good mama'
At first glance this would seem like progress for me as I continue to walk out years of listening to lies about just how horrible I am as a person, mother and wife. Just about then, alarms went off in my head!
Wrong! I am NOT a good mama (which really translates 'good person') because of what I do. I am NOT more loved, more valuable, more anything, based on what I do! This is performance! (I am intimately aquaninted with performance, we go way back)
Countless lies . . . I'm worth loving because I . . .
  • am a good cook
  • bake my own bread
  • am great at organizing
  • keep a tight schedule
  • am disciplined
  • serve organic foods
  • have lots of children
  • homeschool my children
  • have a quiet time
  • {fill in the blank} the list is endless

"See, I do all these things, there, do you love me?" "Am I valuable?" "Can I stay here and take up space and oxygen just one more day? (these are the unspoken thoughts that we often don't know are behind the performance)

This is what it looks and feels like to have listened to the lies of an unloving/anti-Christ spirit for years. Nothing you ever do is good enough. Maybe if I just do it perfectly, or do more, or do it better, then, maybe then I'll 'feel' loved.

These are all lies! If you hear these things or have your own version of these thoughts you have got to know THEY ARE ALL LIES from the enemy of your soul, the accuser of the brethren.

Maybe you don't even recognize them as separate thoughts yet, the lies are such a part of who you are. I know I didn't for years. No matter how many times Brian or others would try to tell me, I just didn't see it. Deep down in my core I believed I had to somehow earn my right to exist because I was so bad. I would reason in my head, if they really knew how awful I am they wouldn't be saying that.

You and I are NOT loved based on what we do or if we do it good enough!

We are accepted and loved based on what Jesus did, not what we do. Imagine life without the feeling of always having to do and do and do and do it perfectly. Trust me when I say I am beginning to see just how beautiful and restful it is. Such peace. Peace I have been striving to have for years.

You are a new creature, old things have passed away, behold all things are become new. (not already all the way 'have' become new, but are becoming, so quit looking at your failures ;-))

You are reconciled to God by Jesus Christ! (reconciled implies that God has laid aside His wrath and has taken our sin upon Himself and became an atonement)

He is no longer holding your sins, mistakes, errors, faults, wrong doings against you! (why are you?)

I beseech you, be ye reconciled to God--you already are in the Spirit--but be ye reconciled in your mind!

For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for you so that YOU could become the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. You are the righteousness of God!

You already are good enough! He made you 'good enough'!

You have been justified (made righteousness) by faith and you have PEACE WITH GOD!

He is crazy about you! You are standing in the grace, the absolute freeness of His loving-kindness.

He loves you so much, that even while you were a stinking mess, in a state of complete wretchedness, completely godless, Christ died for you. That is how He showed His love, He actually died for you when you were 'worthless'.

He has made you worthy. Nothing you could ever do could make Him love you more. You just need to believe it and receive His love.

Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us that we should become sons of God. . .

YOU are a child of God! You are good enough!

Do you recognize any of these lies? Doe you live a life of performance and have no clue why you do? Do you struggle with the thought that your Father loves you right here, right now, at this level of sanctification and yuck? He does!


Kati Potratz said...

Yes! Thank you for exposing that for me, too. It seems like you are always just a few steps ahead of me, Michelle. Thanks for leading the way...

His bondservant said...

I think you wrote this post for me my friend. I struggle so with these things. It came to light so vividly to me recently when I became so sick and couldn't do all those things for my family. My feeling of worthlessness tripled. God is using that to show me more of Him and more of His love for me. It is slow...but I am learning! Thank you for such encouraging words.

Farmgirl Cyn said...

I hope you don't love ME just for my cracker ability!!! (just loved me long before you knew I could make crackers!!!)

Anonymous said...

I really really struggled with this when I was first married- and still do, but much less. I came to a point where a kind lady said to me " Is God big enough to save YOU??" She was telling me that I failed to see that God's grace and love was BIG ENOUGH for "even me" as "bad" as I thought I was/am.

I also struggled with the burdens of a family history of "good enough to love" sydrome. And as just about every person (especially homemakers) learn you can never 'clean you way' to feeling loved enough. I went through a long period of hurt (of course I still do at times) seeking my husbands love & acceptace as a homemaker.

It really started to turn around when I started repeating the verse (don't have the reference on hand) "Am I know seeking the approval of man or of God..."

Awesome, well timed post!

Elaine said...

Great post!!! I am leading a study by Kay Arthur...Lord I Need Grace to Make it Today! Grace! It is not about performance! Thanks for this post.