Sunday, November 7, 2010

Ungodly Order in the Home

One of our children has stuttered since as far back as we can remember. In the past couple of months we have been studying out the spiritual roots to stuttering and one of them is "ungodly order in the home; matriarchal control/passive male". We began to search our hearts and pray, asking our Father to show us any areas that we needed to submit to Him.
We have certainly come a long way in 22 years, but there were still a few areas that needed to be dealt with. As we listened to teachings and studied this out, here are a few things that really spoke to me.
Fear is always behind a woman controlling or domineering in a marriage. Fear they won't do it right, or good enough. Fear they won't lead. Fear of the consequences if they don't do what we think they should. We, as women, are responders and are created to follow our husbands. Without fear, that is what we long to do. Fear comes in either generationally or in our current generation and perverts our thinking. We don't know what else to do except to take the lead. It might not be in all areas, it might just be one little area or several 'little' areas. Fear must be repented of and removed if we have any hope of submitting to our husbands and allowing them to rise up to be the men God created them to be.
No matter how strong the husband is, if the wife is controlling and usurping his authority, he simply CANNOT be the leader God intended for him to be. It's not that he doesn't want to, it is that he CANNOT! The wife essentially stands in the way of him being the leader.
A few things to keep in mind. Most men do NOT have a godly example of how to be the husbands God had in mind. They may actually come from a long line of passive males that have been dominated by fearful, controlling women. They need our mercy, grace and forgiveness, not our frustration and scorn. They need us to lovingly get out of the way, not with resentment, but with true repentance and love.
When I was really seeking the Lord on this, He began to show me little areas that I was in fear over and therefore refused to follow, and even tried (in vain) to control. It wasn't outwardly obvious. Most people who know me well would not classify me as a 'controlling, domineering woman', but it was there, under the surface.
Finally one day I threw myself on my bed and cried out to God. I repented for the fear that had driven me. I repented for taking control in certain areas. I repented for standing in the way of Brian becoming the leader God created him to be. I released him to the Father, to mold and make him into the man He created, no matter what that would look like.
I then went to Brian and repented, through tears, for controlling things, for wrong thoughts towards him, for feeling like he never did it good enough because it wasn't the way "I" wanted it done, for all the areas that our marriage was out of order because of my fear. I released him from my fearful grip into our loving Father's hands.
It felt so good to not have to carry all those things I 'thought' I had to carry. They were all lies. Brian is an awesome husband, father and leader. He always has been, I have just believed lies in certain areas and by doing so have kept him from being the true leader of this family.
A couple of testimonies that have come out of this is one, our son had been healed and delivered of his stuttering. It is so awesome to hear him speak sentence after sentence without one stutter! (there was more to his healing than just this particular issue)
Two, it seems as though Brian actually has been freed up to be the leader of this family in ways he never was able to be before because of my fears! Like I said, he has always been awesome, but something has shifted in the heavenlies and it is beautiful to behold. I keep telling him the I feel so 'shepherded' by him. I think he sometimes thinks I am crazy because he doesn't really 'feel' all that different. A very cool thing that happened while we were in Georgia was that after I told him that I felt he was doing an awesome job and we felt so 'shepherded', a stranger came up to him and told him he had been observing Brian and saw what a great job he does at being the shepherd of his family! Isn't God so cool?!
(I am speaking somewhat generally here and in no way do I think it is 'just that easy'. I am aware of some pretty horrific marriage situations and I do not intend for this to bring condemnation or come across as a light hearted fix-all. My heart truly aches for those of you who are in these extremely difficult circumstances. My prayer is that the Father lovingly show you your heart and give you grace to trust Him with your circumstances.)


Jenny said...

This is such a beautifully raw and honest post. May God bless your willingness to be an example to many wives and mothers.

Tamika said...

Thank you for your transparency! It has caused me to do an introspection to see what areas I have not trusted my husband. THank you! God be with you and your beautiful family!

Anonymous said...

My name is Robert and I appreciate your comments on the article Ungodly order in the home. this is my house hold. I am so frustrated, i cannot lead my wife or my family. My wife controls this family by her fears and perdfectionism. I am not allowed to do anything because i simply cannot do anything up to her standard. help. How do i fix this even if she is unwilling. what can i do.

Michelle (She Looketh Well) said...

Hi Robert, if you are reading this, please feel free to email me and i will forward it to my husband to respond. My email is in the contact section. Thank you for sharing your struggles, we will be praying.

Michelle and (Brian)