Saturday, September 5, 2009

Blessings Amidst The Struggle

Thank you so much for your prayers and sweet comments. I am beginning to feel a little better. I feel as though I turned a corner this week. Small amounts of strength and joy have made an appearance this week.
My dear friend came to our house and spent the day with the children on Monday and Wednesday so I could go to my mom's house (who was gone for the week) and just rest and be quiet. I can rest, for the most part, at home, but as you can imagine the quiet part of it is a bit difficult. My friend adores my children and rarely has opportunity to "soak them up", as she says, and my children thoroughly enjoy her.
It does not take a great deal of stress or physical exertion to bring me to a heap on the floor, but I do feel as though it is getting better.
I think the real struggle is about to begin for me. While these last 3-4 weeks have been miserable, I have not had to decide how much I could or could not do. It was impossible to do too much because I have been unable to do much of anything. My history with adrenal fatigue has always been to 'push through' and pay for it later. I am determined not to do that this time as I do not want to go through this again! I have to be keenly in tune with the Holy Spirit because I really don't know when I have gone too far until, well, I have gone too far! Please pray for me in this area.
*Being 'down' has provided me an opportunity to reconnect with my 21 month old. He has needed some one-on-one with me because of some training issues. While dealing with a screaming 21 month old was a bit stressful, it was something I needed to do. We are buddies again.
*Before this all started, our prayer was for more family unity. For a family who learns and plays together 24/7, Brian and I felt there was a general lack of unity and some smoldering selfishness. Having to pull together for the purpose of keeping this house running and taking care of mom seems to have brought the best out in everybody and united our family.
*Some of the younger children have had to take on more responsibility, which is so good. It can be easier to just let the littles promotions in responsibility slide, and this has given them a promotion right quick.
*I have always begged God to make me 'quieter and gentler', especially with my voice, and this has caused me to speak softer and more slowly. My prayer is that new habits will be made through all of this.
*Things that would normally ruffle my feathers, I am learning to just let go, as it is not worth the damage it does to my body. Again, please Lord, let this be a new trend.
*My fellowship with the Lord has been especially sweet as I can literally feel Him carrying me at times. My awe of His providence and love for me has grown a hundredfold.
*I am slowly learning how many "things" I must have taken on because 'I' wanted to instead of being sure it was what God wanted me too.
*My eyes have been opened to my propensity to push, strain and strive, all of which are the furthest thing from the REST I so long for.
I could go on, and I am sure there are many more blessings only the Lord knows about, but I'll end here. Again, thank you for your prayers and kindness.


Linda said...

Michelle I am sorry to hear that you have been so ill. My grandson has suffered from adrenal fatigue, and my daughter researched it thouroughly and came across so much info and a special person who lead her through the process of correcting the problem. I think you should click on her blog on my side bar and send her a comment and ask her to give you some info. Her name is Lynnette Kraft and her blog is Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground. She would be happy to share what she knows with you, because she loves to help people. Just tell her that I suggested that she share Jared's story with you. I think it will be a great blessing in your life, and an answer to your prayers.

In Christ's Love,
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Connie said...

Isn't it just like God to slip in a few blessings! Am glad you are able to recognize them and be encouraged by them.

May you have times of total rest this week and some more very quiet days.

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

I'm praying for you. Your attitude is amazing and inspiring to us all.

Michelle (She Looketh Well) said...

Oh, Cheesemakin Mamma, the "heap" I was crumbled up into this morning was not all that impressive!;-)

But God! a few minutes alone with Him and HE picks me back up!

"When a person who suffers reaches a point where he can be calm and carefree, inwardly smiling at his own suffering, and no longer asking God to be delivered from it, the the suffering has accomplished its blessed ministry, perseverance has finished its work"

Isn't that cool?! That's what I going for today, by His grace, calm, carefree, inwardly smiling...

thanks for your prayers!

Lisa Sargese said...

My brother who has a teddy bear ministry for kids up in Vermont came to visit me in NJ this summer when I was down with a ruptured tendon and newly diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. He taught me the shortest prayer from Scripture "Lord, save me." Sometimes I'm so tired I pray that three word prayer hoping it will be enough. Somehow, it always is. Thanks for a beautiful blog!