My New Adventure!

I have been admiring my friend, Susan’s (from Joyful Mom of Many)  Project Life for a long time now.  I finally took the plunge and ordered my very own Project Life.

Brian has always wanted me to somehow chronicle our lives.  It always seemed overwhelming and impossible for me to pull off.  I have never been interested in ‘scrapbooking’, the time expenditure and financial expense scared me off.  Not to mention I don’t do so well with a blank slate, I do better copying. I guess I am not all that original.

Enter Project Life!  It is so easy and leaves room for creativity, yet not too much that someone like me would feel buried!  I love it!

Below are several pictures from our family’s Project Life.  The idea is one picture a day for the entire year.  I am not sure how on earth to accomplish that with such a large family and so many ‘cutey patooties’, but I guess we just might have two albums per year.

(click on pictures to enlarge)

I love using up extra pictures in the little “journal card” slots.

When I have extra pictures or vertical pictures I either sew a page protector or use the vertical scrapbook page protectors I bought at Hobby Lobby.  (an example is the above picture of me holding One Thousand Gifts)

I had the children write something on the journal cards to have a keepsake of their writing at this age.

Notice below, the day I got my Project Life

I typed up a long entry about the week Matthew and Elisa were in GA.  I wanted to remember it forever!  I just inserted it in a page protector.

Again, an inserted vertical picture below. As well as tags from Sarah Grace’s Vision Forum doll.  Also, sweet little notes from the littles to mama.

In the above and below pictures I like to use shots like the eggs, fire or pretzel to fill in where I could be using journal cards.  That way I can include some of these pictures without taking up the valuable 4x6 real estate.

Do Not Think List

I diligently (most days) fill in my thankful list. I have a spot right in my planner, that is almost always with me, to write down the graces of God.

The other day I made another list in addition to my Thankful list. I called it my “Do Not Think List”.

I was literally bombarded with thoughts that were seeking to bring me down.

Let me assure you, before the Holy Spirit’s idea, I was losing! Even my Thankful list wasn’t pulling me out of this pit!

The verse about ‘casting your burdens on the Lord’ kept coming to my mind, but I seemed to keep taking them back. This is when I decided to make a new list, not a list in which I ‘list’ the graces of God, nor a to-do list, or a grocery list, but a, ‘I will not, under any circumstances, entertain the thoughts on this list’, my ‘Do Not Think List’.

I poured them all out, there were plenty, trust me! Each time the enemy came at me or my own emotions would take over I simply said, “sorry, that is on my Do Not Think list,” and peace would return.

Try it sometime. On one of those days when you are flooded with worries, cares, and heartaches. It just might be the one thing that keeps you from drowning! It did me.

Don’t Lose Heart!

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13)

On this side of a tremendously dark and painful season, (in which I was healed, our family was delivered and our son came home) I am so happy to say that the Lord really does give us beauty for ashes and joy really does come in the morning.

If you are in that dark season, please, please do not lose heart. You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Especially as you look to Him each moment of the day recognizing the gifts He gives all day, everyday!

The counting continues . . . I am into the 800’s, closing in on One Thousand Gifts!

• quiet times
• Isaiah 48 and 49!
• teaching the children to “speak” the Word of God
• ‘your motorbike is fabulous’ says the 3 year old
• sweet good-byes to husband each morning
• seeing a dear friend after such a long time
• house full of children
• fingerprints on windows, again
• laundry, laundry, laundry, all dirty, again
• emails from mamas whose heart are full of ache
• feeling the pain of others
• praying in the middle of the night
• sweet fellowship with Jesus in the night
• joy and sorrow, mingled
• Grey Flannel cologne
• buttery popcorn
• children who are so helpful with the running of this house
• Pesto Sourdough bread!
• Little boy ‘piggy toes’

• Saturday morning latte meeting

• Sweetness

• Little girls who grow up way too fast, she is 10! now

• Precious time with my grandson

• Little boys who beg for ‘black bean salsa’ for breakfast instead of oatmeal

• Crayons! 100’s and 100’s of crayons!

• Little girls who love to read

• Crazy family pictures

• Matthew and Elisa home from GA!

According To His Will

And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:

And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.  (1 John 5:14-15)

Why in the world do we not believe this? We say we are “believers” but what are we believing?

Since when is what we believe determined by what we see or experience?

I’m ashamed at how many excuses I listen to in my own mind, not to mention the excuse of the Body, to explain away what we should and should not ask and what we might or might not receive.

According to His will . . .

Healing? It is His will! I know many don’t believe it. Read the Gospels – He healed ALL who came to Him. He is our Healer, physically and spiritually! He is Jehovah Rapha – He is the Lord that healeth thee – Read Ps 103.

Can we stop letting what we see define what we believe? I don’t know why people who pray for healing are still sick.  I’m not convinced I need to know. His word says healing is ‘according to His will’ I should ask and believe I will have.

There may be a multitude of reasons why someone doesn’t get healed. There may actually be {gasp} a sin or two behind it. We might actually need to repent! Or, it could be for reasons we will never understand on this side of eternity, but do NOT tell me healing is not according to His will.

Victory over sin? It is His will! We have died to sin, it should no longer have dominion over us! We are not to let sin therefore reign in our mortal bodies! Yes, I will sin each and every day – but if I am not walking in increasing freedom and victory over sin, it is not God’s fault nor is it some “thorn in my flesh” I’ll just have to live with. It might just be {insert gasp again} my choices! It might be my ‘stinkin thinkin’; my lack of humility and a unrepentant heart.

I could prattle on,  I’m just about fired up enough to.

I’m asking you (and me) to examine what we believe! Has it been determined by what we see and hear? Is it man’s traditions and doctrines that have formed our beliefs?

I one time heard about the ‘Desert Island Challenge’. If you were born on a desert island and had only the word of God to teach you what to believe, how different would your beliefs about God be?!

How much do we write off as “must be the will of God” when in fact it just might not be?!

If you are sick, it is His will for you to be well.

If you are struggling with habitual sin, it is His will for you to be free.

If you are depressed, it is His will for you to walk in the joy of the Lord every day.

If you have a prodigal, it is His will they come home!

Let’s stop blaming God and excusing away the truth. it might feel uncomfortable. It might be hard work. It might mean we need to repent. It might mean a few evil spirits need to go.

It might mean you have to let go of a whole bunch of “traditions”.  I’m not attempting to put condemnation on any of us.  I am just asking, ‘can we stop blaming God and start asking our Father with confidence, for His will?

When the Son of Man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?

Prayers Answered (Update on My Mom)

Thank you so much to all of you who prayed for my mom and our family.  It has been a couple of rough days.  It is crazy how much we want to be able to control and ‘do’ and it really comes out when we absolutely cannot control and ‘do’!

My mom was released from the hospital late last night when the results from and MRI showed that there is absolutely NO permanent damage and no cerebral bleeds!  I believe most of her memory is back, with maybe the exception of the moments leading up to and including the onset of the TIA.  I believe that will come in time.

Thank you again, so much!!  What a blessing it is when the Body of Christ cries out for one another! 

He Has Come Home!!

I have received one of the greatest gifts a mama could ever receive, this past week.  I don’t think I will question anymore, ‘I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in the truth’.  I think it might just be the greatest joy!

It almost feels surreal.  I sort of walk around dazed and confused at times.  I haven’t been able to sort out all the emotions yet.  Of course, extreme joy floods my heart.   Also, a letting go of years of emotions and fears I have tried not to feel or attempted to take captive.

I ponder my own walk of faith over the past ten years because doesn’t the surprise and the ‘really?, is this really happening?’ show me the very unbelief in my heart?

Did I really trust his Father would bring him home?  I look back and see times of great faith and moments of great doubt, fear and unbelief.   I see a faithful God, that even when I was faithless, He was faithful.

When I writhed with fear, He held me tight. 

When I was angry, He never once turned away as I ‘beat my fists on His chest’ crying, “why, why!?”  “If You had just . . . !”

When my heart was broken and bleeding and one more horrible phone call came, or one more devastating blow~the anchor of my soul held me tight.

The wonder of how to even think now, because for so~many~years it was so dark, seemingly hopeless!  It is like needing to reprogram my mind to not brace for the worst~to not be ready to flinch from what might come next.

Yes, I do have to say, in His infinite mercy, I may have been given one of the greatest gifts this past week.  While He daily, moment by moment loads us with benefits, every once and awhile it is a huge, whopper of a gift, and I humbly lift up trembling hands . . .

   Eucharisteo!

While I could list 100’s of things in this weeks edition of my ‘One Thousand Gifts’, I will reserve the space for one very wonderful and holy gift.

• The homecoming of our (ex) prodigal and his lovely bride!

Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle.

Could It Be?

I am so thankful for the joy that has been given to me. The daily peace I now walk in. Hope that lifts my soul to new realms. I really feel like all my dreams are coming true before my very eyes. Not shallow, earthly dreams, but deep ‘want to be changed on the inside’ kind of dreams. Want to live joy, live peace, live hope kind of dreams.

Joy, true joy that remains has always been elusive. Slips right through my fingers like sand. Heaviness and sadness were constant companions.

That peace, every day peace has been hard to live. The really big storms almost seem easier, keeping grace seems to pour down in those big storms. But the little rain showers, you know, the endless drip, drip, drip, every day, all day ~ that’s when that inward peace has seemed impossible to walk in.

Hope, we haven’t been all that acquainted these past ten years, have we? Maybe little spurts of hope here and there, but it always fizzled, dried right up.

I cannot put my finger on the one thing that changed the tide of ten years, ten sad, restless, hopeless years. How could I ever hope to understand, I mean You are God, and You tirelessly work through every – single – detail of my life.

You work in so many ways for my good.

Could it be deliverance from many, many demons that haunted me for years?

Deliverance from the lies? Exposing the enemy, teaching Your child about the schemes and wiles of an enemy I had been lulled into thinking had no power in my life?

Could it be the glorious revelation of your deep love for me?

Could it be the continual cleansing and resulting refreshing that comes from daily repentance?

Could it be daily, recognizing, taking responsibility, repenting, renouncing, removing, resisting, rejoicing, restoring? Repeat.

Could it be revelation that while You are LOVE, that You also expect obedience to Your Word and Your Word says, love Me with all your heart … seek Me first . . . Pray . . . fast . . . meditate on my law day and night . . . give thanks in all things … and that is not because You need us to do these things, its because You know we need to do these things. They benefit us. They are weapons for us to use to fight the enemy.

Could it be the grace to slow and notice You in the moments of my day. The grace to slow and invite You in to each moment.

Could it be the grace for eyes open wide to see You in all things and to give thanks in all things?

Nope, just can’t do it. Can’t put my finger on that ‘one thing’ but I can put my eyes on the One True and Living God ~ You’re the “One thing” that changed me.

How Deep The Father’s Love

This song, How Deep The Father’s Love For Us, is my favorite song right now. I have come to believe that the root to so much heartache, so much emotional pain, and dare I say, physical illness? is a lack of really knowing and understanding the love of our Father.

So many illnesses are rooted in fear at some level.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)

He loves us perfectly. My prayer for all of us?

May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love,

That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it];

[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!

Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]--

To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it).

So, I continue the search for His love in the gifts He gives me each day . . .

• challenge to ‘not complain’ today
• Philippians chapter two
• JOY, choosing joy, how it bubbles
• love, mad love for my man
• pretty scripture cards
• blowing snow
• time to slow
• keeping Elijah next to me
• finishing Ann’s book with deep, wide-eyed wonder
• deep love
• “one” with Brian
• Isabella reading book to Elijah
• more depth to this love of His/his
• everything is a gift-because You are here-every moment
• Love Came Down and Rescued Me
• giving thanks makes me whole
• “this is important to my heart” (Elijah)
• Brian calling me out of the blue
• Brian, my detail man!
• Wow! Your Word!
• Conviction!
• pushed to trust
• feeling like a wet-dishrag
• sweet talk with my new daughter
• spaghetti dinner
• making food for Matthew and Elisa’s trip
• writing a note for each day of their trip
• they went!
• making pretzels
• Elijah singing
• date with Brian
• fun movies
• six straight hours of sleep

Sweetly Broken

My mind was swimming with thoughts, my emotions all jumbled and confused.

Could this really be the time You are going to answer this Mama's plea? Rescue our Prodigal? Doubt and unbelief, their whispers get louder. “How many times have you prayed and hoped, only to be wrong yet again?’ ‘Nothing is going to change, it hasn’t yet’.

I am shocked by the depth of emotions. This raw pain, I didn’t even know it was still there. Guess I boxed it up all neat and tidy and went on with life. Put on my happy face. I have boarded up that area of my heart to protect it from disappointment.

I am reading in John 11, about Martha, Mary and Lazarus. The story is familiar . . . but wait, these words cut deep . . . Lord, if you had been there . . .

I feel as though the wind has been knocked clear out of me. I grab my chest, my eyes pour hot tears. I am angry and hurt. I see myself in Martha and Mary. “Jesus, if You had just been there, or there, or stopped that . . .”

I cry long and deep. I recognize the accusation in my heart. I repent and cry. This hurts, but I want it all out, to be cleansed. I am tempted to wipe the tears, board up my heart, deal with this another time.

I hear Him ‘beckon me to the cross’, I am overwhelmed, lost for words. Whisper, ‘cleanse me, Father, make me whole. I remember days earlier pleading with Him to go deep in my heart. Don’t just heal me, make me whole. Leave no bitterness, no hidden sin. Reveal my heart.

The tears, they continue to flow, but now it is from overwhelming love that has flooded my heart. I am sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

I listen to His voice as He reminds me to believe and I will see the glory of the Lord, to trust, to not lean on my own understanding (or the past)

The lies are fading as I meditate on the Truth, as I choose to believe.

What really do I have to lose? If I stay in fear, doubt and unbelief, my closed up heart might not be hurt again, but I also might not ever see the answer to my prayers. Or, I could open my heart and trust my faithful God and believe and see the glory of God. I choose to believe!…all things are possible to him who believes.

This week will prove to be monumental in a young man’s life, whom we hold very dear. Believe with us that the glory of God will be manifest in this situation. Could I humbly ask that our family be lifted to the throne of grace all this week?

Relentlessly Pursuing . . . Deliverance and Wholeness

Winner of Large Family Logistics!

The winner of Large Family Logistics

 

is

 

Coby!!!

Congratulations, Coby!

Ladies, while I absolutely do NOT have it all together I have been blessed with a passion for organization and a wonderful amount of grace to PURGE, containerize and organize.  So, if you have any specific questions about how we do something, please, please feel free to ask!  Sometimes it takes just one little idea to get things moving.

Relentlessly Pursuing . . .

I Simply Cannot Believe It!

My most precious firstborn daughter is 15 years old today!! I had three boys in a row and desperately longed for a daughter. I remember after having the three boys relatively close together and being new in Christ, I said over and over how I didn’t want anymore children.

I shutter at the thought now. Thank you, Father, for mercy and blessing the womb that I cursed! Brian had prayed that my heart would change, and it did! One month, I never wanted another child, the next I couldn’t wait to be pregnant. Not only did He bless me with another child, he gave me my heart’s desire, a daughter.

She is more than I could have even hoped to be at her age. She is sweet, tender, graceful, gentle and gloriously feminine.

I am humbled and honored to be called ‘Mama’ by that precious thing. I wrote the following ‘post’, if you will, months ago with the intention to post it on her birthday.

I watch you. You walk into a room with such grace and elegance. Your head held high, your face aglow with innocence. Your flowy and girly skirt floats around you.

You carry yourself with a grace and confidence I never knew. To know such femininity and dignity at your age. Pure and undefiled.

I see you, not only patiently, but excitedly read aloud to your siblings. The joy in your voice as you share stories you love.

You brush girl’s hair, change diapers, play ‘house’ and countless other things that bring joy to littles. You even take them with you to water plants or hang laundry or vacuum the steps, always singing, bringing joy.

You sing and worship while you wash dishes, while you shower, while you lie upon your bed, while you garden, endless praises coming forth from your mouth to the One who gifted you with that angelic voice.

I love you, my precious. What a beautiful combination of grace, femininity and strength. Happy Birthday, Victoria!

Love Heals

Our past, it’s not pretty. We don’t deserve the love we share, the pure and holy marriage bed. Experts say there should be problems, people with pasts like ours have ‘issues’ in marriage, especially the bedroom.

Love really does cover and heal. Perfect love does. No, we have not loved perfectly, but He does, our Father does.

He has loved through each of us to bring healing and wholeness to each other.

His love through Brian has ‘covered’ and healed years of shame, guilt and unworthiness. Loved this woman through twenty-three years of ups and some very, very significant downs.

Loved this body that has been stretched to full capacity nine times. Found beauty and satisfaction amidst all the lines, curves, rolls and sags.

Has tenderly wiped many a tear, held close when all was crushing in.

He has laughed and teased and chased.

He is a vessel which my Father uses to love me whole.

It is no wonder that times of intimacy are fraught with tears. For this bed is holy, beautiful, healing. Tears heal. I can hardly fathom the depth of love, the ache to be one. Every pore longs to be one with him. So raw, so complete. My tears gently fall onto his face. Love heals, love completes. Holy. Beautiful. Whole.

“And the two shall become one”

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments (His decisions)! And how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways (His methods, His paths)!” (Romans 11:33)

Large Family Logistics–Give Away!

I was very blessed by Vision Forum to be given the book, Large Family Logistics, to review and give away.

I was very excited to get this book as I am always looking for ways to manage this house better. To learn and glean all I can.

This book did not disappoint! It is chock full of great, practical ideas from everything from laundry to taking care of mama. Many of the ideas I already do or have begun to implement.

I have to say that if you are a mama who was not brought up with a mama who trained you in ‘all things home management’, you will probably benefit from this book!

If you are a mama to many, this book will probably bless your socks off.

You don’t have to have a large family to benefit from the wonderful ideas in this book!

I can only have hoped to have such a ‘manual’ when I first started out. The Lord has faithfully trained me, but oh, to have had a head start. Hopefully, my daughters will not even need such a book, but many of us were not raised the way we are trying to raise our daughters.

I am going to make you ‘work a little’ to get your name in the drawing.

1. I am asking you to write a post either sharing of your great tips to managing your home or your greatest struggle.
2. Link back to this post in your post, mentioning the give away.
3. Come back here and let me know you have done so and maybe mention the subject of your tip or struggle. This way, maybe we can help each other!

I will be drawing the winner February 12, 2011.

The Secret of “IN”

When I first started my very own gratitude journal back in October of 2009 I would try to keep my journal out and write down thoughts throughout the day, but the counter never stayed clear enough and by noon I couldn’t even find my journal. I took to writing down the things I could remember from my day in the evening.

This was fine, it worked for where I was in life, and it was a precious time of worship with my Father as I remembered all He had done in the day. But something was missing.

Back then I think I missed something that I now see and has made all the difference in how ‘giving thanks in all things’ is transforming me.

Fast forward to now, after reading One Thousand Gifts, I purpose to keep my planner with me (that has special paper made just for my gratitude list) and write down the ‘gifts’ as they happen. (as best I can, of course)

I cannot tell you how this had made the difference in real change happening in my heart! The joy and peace I am able to walk in ALL~THOUGHOUT~ THE ~ DAY is amazing. I think I found the secret!!

It is not just thanking Him for/in all things, it is inviting Him into the moment, by noticing and thanking Him, IN the moment!! Actually giving thanks IN all things. I hadn’t seen it before, but IN, at that very time, right there “IN” the moment!!!!

Doing it anytime is certainly better than not doing it. But, for me, this doing it IN the moment has been unexplainably life transforming!! When I stop and choose to see Him, (thank You Holy Spirit for faithfully stopping me!!) I can usually avert a big hissy fit, on my part, and obey the Word of God that says to Rejoice Always!!

Maybe I should clarify, I am LEARNING to do this! I don’t want to give the impression that I walk around the house perfectly joyful and praising my Jesus all day long with never a sin or ingratitude in my heart! I am LEARNING to do this, okay?

Have you found the ‘secret’ of “IN” all things??

And so the counting continues . . . have you started yet?

• greatest joy of the week, discovering my sweet Sarah Grace’s ‘gratitude list’. Beyond precious things on her list.

• She ‘gets’ it!
• beautiful morning prayer time each morning
• deliverance for Isabella
• blue skies

• treasure found on walk
• sunshine and snow
• walking with children
• Elijah walking in his snowsuit
• making meatballs and sauce
• everybody helping in kitchen
• Mr. Smit plowing the rest of the drive
• huge piles of snow
• snow forts (or snow forks to Elijah)
• my new juicer!
• joy in my heart
• exercising for the first time in a long time
• hot tea, cold hands
• quiet morning time
• Brian ‘hooking me up’ each morning
• finding new sweet worship songs
• Pane con Formaggio
• wonderful evening of hospitality
• teaching Elijah joy

• coconut chocolate chip sourdough bread and carrot raisin sourdough bread
• offering to read a book to Elijah and him telling me not until I read him the Bible
• coffee on a Saturday morning with my man
• talking with a dear friend about Ann’s book
• a different Elijah
• way more peaceful Saturday
• excitement over surprising Victoria
• pretty papers
• 
  

Word of the Year Check-up

It has been a little over a month now since some of us received ‘words’ from the Lord or made some goals and/or resolutions.  I wanted to put out a little reminder and see how everyone was doing.

If you totally forgot or have really dropped the ball, there is still time, still hope!  Don’t give up!!

I have done a few things  to really keep the vision before me.  The first thing I did was type up the ‘vision’ I believe the Lord set before me for the year. (Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. Hab. 2:2)

I have printed multiple copies.  I keep one in my planner and my quiet time journal.  These two things are ‘constants’ in my life, so it is ever before me.  Put them wherever you will see it every day.

Another thing I do is sign each and every email or blog comment with, Relentlessly Pursuing, so as to constantly remind myself that this is indeed what my focus is this year.  Relentlessly Pursuing.  I wonder if others will get sick of seeing it, but I need to do things like this to keep it in my face.

I have to say that this year, by far, has been the most successful at keeping my focus.  Granted, it is only February 5, so time will tell.  I believe this is the year, though.  I have great hope and ever increasing faith that God is behind all this focus and He is more than supplying the grace to live it.

How are you doing??  Share your struggles or successes.

Quick Opinion Needed!!

We were trying to figure this out on our own and it dawned on me, my ladies would LOVE to give their opinion! Am I right?

My daughter makes and sells beautiful notecards and journals. We recently found a ‘store’ that wants to sell them and we are stumped about the price for the journals. (we are all set on the cards) We are not sure what they are going to sell them for. We would ‘like’ $5.00 for them, but we need to make sure they can make something off of them too.

What do you think is a fair price for the following notebook/journals?

(oh, they are made out of composition notebooks)

Just a peek at her beautiful card! Click on the picture to enlarge.

Thank you for your help!!

Is Thank You Enough?

I simply cannot shake these verse, not that I’m trying to.

---

He sent His Word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.

And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare His works with rejoicing. (Psalm 107:20,22)

---

Thank You.  Those two words seem so, so small.  How do they express the depth of my awe and gratitude for all You have done and continue to do in our hearts and lives?

The day I woke up healed, free, the feeling was indescribable.  How do I put into words what it feels like to be hopeless one day and full of hope the next?  Tired, exhaustion beyond any ever experienced before to doing cartwheels and leaping for joy.  From migraines to none.  From self-hatred to self-acceptance.  From despair to life!  How does it feel to be alive again?  How is it that a woman who loves words as I do find them elusive, just now?

I remember wondering if this ‘high’ would end.  If I’d settle into some assemblance of normal and life would become ho-hum again.  I must confess, I feared it would.

It has not!  Oh, Father, You know there are still many struggles, sometimes daily, but it is different now.  I am more alive than I ever have been.  It is amazing, how does one feel more and more alive?  Aren’t I already alive?  The wonder of it all.

The more You reveal Your love, the more You convict of sin, the more You cleanse and wash away, the more I desire You.  The more I crave You and Your word.  The more I see what I have been delivered from, the more I want to be delivered.  Clever how You work that.

My mind spins, sometimes, with joy and excitement.  How can it be that You would make this ‘wretch Your treasure’?  YOUR treasure??? Seriously?

I see why Charles Wesley penned the words, ‘O for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer’s praise’.  Are a thousand tongues enough, though?  I don’t know.  From the depths of my heart, I pray, ‘assist me to proclaim . . . the honors of Your name’.  You broke the power of cancelled sin and gloriously set this prisoner free.  Really?  Only a thousand tongues to sing Your praise?

Father God, open the eyes of our hearts, give us understanding, wisdom and knowledge.  Cause our hearts to see that You and You alone can set us free.  You and You alone are our healer.  Frustrate all our own plans and schemes that are not from You.  Bring us to the point where our only hope in each and every situation is You.  We are so slow of heart and stiff-necked, sometimes.   Open our eyes to the enemy who so subtlety draws us from You.  Set us free! Heal and deliver, we pray.  In Jesus mighty and holy name!