Thursday, June 4, 2009

Why Does it Always Come Back to Me?

I see harshness in my children as they interact with each other. I pray and ask God for wisdom, saying, "look, do You see how they are acting? What should I do?" The answer seems slow in coming, but as the days go on I begin to see myself react harshly with the children. I see impatience and indifference in myself towards them. What?! Could it be they are modeling what they see in me?!

Nobody seems to follow our schedule, I grouse. Our life feels so chaotic, never the same everyday. I can't seem to get on top of it. How do I make them do what they are supposed to do when they are supposed to do it?! Again, I cry out for wisdom. I begin to see Mama tends to go off and do her own thing whenever she has a chance. Sneaking in what she wants to do instead of what the schedule has on it. Hmmmmm, could it be me?

Everyone in this family seems so distracted and going their own way! Why is everyone so focused on their own agenda instead of serving each other. Why are they so "self" focused instead of being "other" focused? Lord, what is it? The Lord, once again shines His light and I see a very distracted Mama who, every chance she gets pursues her own agenda, not the family's agenda. All in the name of learning to "serve" the family better, mind you, but distracted none the less.

These older children tend to scamper off and 'just real quick' check something online, email, ect. Hmmmm, I think I know where this is going. ;-) Does Mama scamper off to 'just real quick' check email, blogs, ect.?

I am not at all saying that all of my children's sins and weaknesses are my fault. I understand we all were born with a sin nature. I am just giving you a glimpse at what the Lord has been showing me lately. I am in a very difficult season right now as He shines His glorious light on the dark places of my heart. It is also a most precious time because the very fact that He is disciplining me is proof of His great love for me! (See Hebrews 12:5-13) So, while this time of discipline seems painful, afterwards it will produce a harvest of righteousness.

Are you struggling with certain areas in your life right now? Have you cried out for wisdom? Is is possible that the struggle has more to do with you that it does with the other person or thing?

Lord Jesus, thank You that You love us way too much to let us stay the same! Thank You for the Holy Spirit Who lovingly convicts and brings Truth to our hearts. Continue to shine Your Light in our lives, we so desperately want to be like Jesus!


Amanda Sikes said...

I am so on the same page as you are. I tend to see and hear my children reacting to each other as I react to them. It is a constant struggle to keep a gentle tounge and a soft spirit. Discipline is needed but yelling and frustration doesn't work nearly as effectivly as does a soft spoken loving word to the heart of the matter.

Thank you for again encouraging me that I am not the only one on this long, hard, wonderful road of mothering.

Mrs. Teapot said...

Thank you for sharing this post. I am grateful for your openness and honesty. It is disappointing to see our children mirror our negative attributes and times, but we do not despair as we are being sanctified in Christ everyday, and His mercies are new every morning.

Many blessings,
Mrs. Teapot

Naturalearthfarm said...

I am constantly crying out to the Lord to be the example that he wants me to be to my children and I constantly am not. But thank goodness for God's mercy and love.
Thank you for your post.
Warm wishes and blessings,

Best Life said...

Great post! I have been reading your blog for a while now and I really enjoy it. I, too, have nine children (no grandchildren though. How sweet!). I just wanted you to know I was lurking here. Lisa~

YooperSnowflake said...

Thanks for your blog and this post! God led me here today. These are thoughts I've been having lately, also, and they are sooo related to our own walk. God is SO good to love us, remind us and help us back on His best path for us! One of my fav sayings is "Remember, God allows U-turns!"
[Momma to 9; God took 2 back]