I’ve written a post before on the tone of our words, so I won’t revisit that. Of course, tone matters! Today I would like to focus on making an appeal to our husband verses nagging.
It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation. (Pr. 21:19) (see also Pr. 25:24)
I read awhile ago that if a woman mentions something twice to her husband it is probably nagging. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we can’t remind or encourage them, you know what I mean. The Holy Spirit is faithful to point this out to us.
We don’t need to take the place of the Holy Spirit. He is far more effective than our nagging will ever be. There have been things in our marriage I just ‘knew’ should be a certain way and I was not afraid to make it known. Do you know, some of those things still haven’t changed? I believe a huge part of the reason why is because of my nagging.
Contrast that to some of the things I just mentioned once or twice and then submitted it to the the Lord. Those things seem to come about much quicker, if they were God’s will in the first place! Many things I now see were not God’s will, but my own, and I am so thankful for God’s mercy in keeping my husband from doing what I was so sure was right!
A verse I LOVE is Proverbs 21:1;
THE KING'S heart is in the hand of the Lord, as are the watercourses; He turns it whichever way He wills.
Our husbands' hearts are in the Lord’s hands. He moves their hearts in the way they should go, not us, and certainly not our ‘many words’! (See Proverbs 27:15-17 for further study)
A word fitly spoken and in due season is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (Proverbs 25:11)
There are times when we do need to bring something up to our husband. We would be wise to learn how to make an appeal in a Godly and honoring way. I love how Martha Peace explains it. (If you don’t have her book ‘The Excellent Wife’, I highly recommend it)
The following are suggestions from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace.
*An appeal should be done for the purpose of achieving the husband’s objective or desire.
*The motive of the wife must not be manipulative.
*The appeal should be made in a respectful manner and with a spirit of humility.
*The appeal should be made at the proper time.
*The appeal should be made only once.
*The wife should always preface or conclude an appeal with a statement that she is willing to do whatever her husband decides. (as long as it is not sin)
I loves this quote from her book: “When a husband does not listen to or grant his wife’s appeal, she must accept his decision as the will of God for her at that moment.” All of these suggestions can be found in Chapter 14.
Do you find yourself nagging instead of trusting God to bring the changes in your husband? What ways will you seek to change this?
Have you read “The Excellent Wife”? Did you like it?
Heavenly Father, we desire to honor You with our words. Please show us when we have begun to nag. Show us our hearts. Expose the lack of trust in You when we push our own agenda. Give us grace to trust You more and leave our wonderful husbands in Your faithful and capable hands.