Sunday, May 3, 2009

Marriage Monday: Know and Accept Your Man!

Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. (Pr. 14:1)

The Lord has been speaking to me lately about ‘building’ my marriage. I have decided to ‘try’ to write about marriage on Mondays for the next couple of weeks. Marriage Monday! Feel free to join in with comments and/or writing on your own blog about marriage. You may leave the link to your post in the comment section.

I have been convicted of late, that just because my marriage is awesome and my husband is ‘easy’ for me to love, that that is no reason to not ‘build’ my marriage. Certainly there have been years that my husband and I call our survival years. You know, those years when the children came one right after the other, various health issues as well as stressors within our family prevented us from focusing on anything other than, well, surviving. Now I believe is the time He is calling me to build and sow into our marriage. So, what I am planning on writing about is what the Lord has put on my heart. I hope you are encouraged and challenged to ‘build’ your marriage as well.

This week’s topic is titled Knowing and Accepting Your Man.

One resource I loved about knowing your man was Debi Pearl’s book 'Created to be His Helpmeet'. (Let's not discuss whether or not we agree with everything the Pearls stand for, okay? While I personally question some of their teaching, I was blessed and challenged by this book. I ‘ate the meat and spit out the bones’. I pray you do the same. If nothing else, the link I provide below is a wonderful excerpt that will surely bless you.)

It has benefited me greatly to know what type of man my husband was created to be. Things that used to really irritate me don’t anymore as I realize that this is how the Lord created him. I can choose to accept it and love him for who he is, or I can allow it to irritate me. If I do the latter, I forget that I was created for him, not him for me. (1 Cor. 11:9)

Debi explains that there are three types of men. The Command, the Visionary, and the Steady Man.

Mr. Command

A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men. Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. . .

Mr. Visionary

Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but , in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.

Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking. . .

Mr. Steady

The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.

His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no exciting rush in him, just a slow, steady climb with no bells or whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church. He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making.

These are excerpts from 'Created to Be His Helpmeet'. You can read the full excerpt here .

I believe it is so crucial to know what type of man we are married to. Ask the Lord to clearly show you what type of man your are married to, and help you accept and appreciate him. We need to embrace how God made our husbands and realize that our loving and merciful Father chose this man just for us!

May I share some tips I have learned along the way?

*Do not ever allow yourself to grumble about the type of man he is. To do so would be grumbling against God. He was fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God and is given to you to love and accept.

*Do not ever compare your husband to another man! We know this, right? It can be tempting, but it is so dangerous and can destroy your marriage.

*Ask God to show you ways in which being married to the type of man you are has blessed you or saved you from something. I cannot even begin to tell you of the things the Lord has showed me that my ‘steady man’ has saved this impulsive and passionate pluck from. ;-)

When you realize what type of man you are married to and really begin to accept and embrace him, your heart will burn with a fresh love for him like never before! You will see him in a new way. You might need to practice being thankful for awhile. Or you may need to stop yourself from the habit of grumbling about him, but when you get your eyes off of yourself and onto Jesus the creator of this wonderful man of yours, well, that is when the real building begins!

Do you see your husband in one of the descriptions of the types of men? Do you appreciate and accept him? Are you willing to 'build' your marriage by first embracing who God created your man to be? Please share any insights on this topic, I would love to read them!


bookflutterby said...

This is very true! 'Created to Be His Help Meet' is one of my daily devotionals, and though many do not agree with this book I agree with your statement to 'eat the meat and spit out the bones'. There is so much to learn if we have the right attitude! Thanks for your encouraging post! :D

Buildeth Her House said...

I would love to have this book. I will read this once I get the time. I love the different types of men. You are so right that if we know what type of man that God has sent in our lives, we are better able to love him, help him, nuture him.

Amanda Sikes said...

I love, love, love that book. While I also agree with you that you have to "eat the meat, and spit out the bones" it is a book that has forever changed me. It was given to me by a friend and I am forever grateful to her as it has "grown" my love and attitude toward my husband in amazing ways.

It opened my eyes to ways to love my husband that I never considered. Thank you for Marriage Monday's. I know that I can use all the Godly wisdom that you other "Titus 2" ladies can give a "younger" like me.

Thank you for taking the time to minister in such a needed area.

Michelle said...

My husband is a visionary with a little steady thrown in...but it's enough to keep us from living in a tent, but not enough to keep him from thinking about it.

Katie LaPierre said...

I love this book! My husband is a command man and I love him for it! I have two copies of this book. One for me to read over and over and one to loan out. It's out on loan right now.