Saturday, April 10, 2010

Difficult Days


The past couple of weeks have been increasingly difficult. I had about 10 days in March that I was actually beginning to have hope that I might be coming out of this adrenal fatigue. That excitement was short lived. I have slowly gotten worse and worse. This past week has been very hard. I am experiencing symptoms as severe as I ever have, even back to last August and September when I was at my worst.

I have struggled greatly with discouragement and despair. These two nasty emotions have followed me everywhere and in every aspect of my life. The Lord has been so gracious to minister words of life to my heart each and every day. I find myself in a cycle of sorts. I am beaten down, I come crawling to Him, He picks me back up, I seem to take very few steps and I am beaten back down and come crawling back to Him again.

Physically I am pretty much back in bed. I simply cannot handle any stress, any noise, any thinking, any physical activity and my blood sugar seems to be so erratic that no matter how perfectly I eat, I still have wild swings, causing great physical struggles.

Brian has been unbelievable, though for the first time in awhile I have seem him crushed under the pressure of handling everything AND me. We have spent lots of times crying in each other's arms as we often times feel so lost and without answers. Even in his weariness, he strives to meet my every physical need, making sure I am taking my supplements on time, eating at regular intervals, many phone calls to the doctor, and of course praying with and over me frequently!

While this continues to be one of the most difficult seasons of our lives, I don't want to make it sound like we don't realize how unbelievably blessed we are. I want to shout, if I had the strength ;-) that God IS faithful! He IS caring for us and meeting our every need, just not in the way we think it should be. He is stretching us and refining us, but, He does so with the utmost compassion and love!

While, at times, I feel so abandoned and alone, I know these are just 'feelings' because my Father is right here with His finger on my pulse. He is right here, holding me up. He is right here, speaking words of encouragement to my weary heart. He is right here, meeting our needs. He is right here, in an embrace from my husband. He is right here, in smiles, bouquets of weeds, I mean flowers from my dear children. He is right here, in the prayers of loved ones. He is right here, in a doctor who is so moved with compassion for our situation that he spends hours researching how he might treat me best.

I am not alone, for He has said, "I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down relax My hold on you! Assuredly not! (Hebrews 13:5)


I know so many of you are struggling with similar or even far more serious issues of life. My heart aches for you in a way it never would have before the Lord allowed these struggles in my own life. I pray for you, certainly for deliverance, but even more so that you would find HIM in the midst of your circumstances.


I leave you with a quote from H.W. Smith:


"The Lord is my Shepherd"

Who is it that is your Shepherd? The LORD! Oh, my friends, what a wonderful announcement! The Lord God of heaven and earth, and Almighty Creator of all things; He who holds the universe in His Hand as though it were a very little thing. He is your Shepherd, and has charged himself with the care and keeping of you, as a shepherd is charged with the care and keeping of his sheep. If your hearts could really take in this thought you would never have a fear or care again; for with such a Shepherd how could it be possible for you ever to want any good thing?


I truly love and appreciate each and every one of you!

18 comments:

Mrs. T said...

The Lord has worked something of real value in your life...that in the midst of painful trial your eyes are still on Him, AND His life is flowing through you to minister love and encouragement to others!

You have encouraged me today, and I will pray for your health and for your husband's strength.

Romans 15:13 "Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost."

Deb said...

Oh Michelle..I and my family will be lifting you and your precious husband uup in prayer. As I know you will, keep trusting our Father to be your strength and comfort. We have no understanding why this is being allowed in your life, but I am certain of the One Who holds your lives in His hands.
Big hugs...a caring shoulder and prayers for you..
Deb

Camille said...

Dear Michelle ~ You are a blessing even in your trial you are looking to the LORD and it is evident that you are trusting in HIM! I will be praying for you my friend! A Psalm for you today ~ Psalm 41.

With Love,
Camille

Mrs. Parunak said...

Praying for you!

11arrows said...

You said in your post that you have a heart for people who are going through tough times because of what you are going through at this time in your life. I am going through a very trying physical thing right now also that has taken everything I have to get out of bed in the morning, and after I read your post, my heart identified like never before! It is times like these when we as sisters in Christ are able to reach out in prayer but also with our hearts. Please know, I am praying for you and your precious family! We do not know what the future holds, but we can be sure of who holds the future! We are His!

In Christ,
Heather

Mary R. said...

This is so sad and I'm so sorry. Will be praying.

Amydeanne said...

praying for you. i have AF as well.
hugs & prayers!

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

This is discouraging news, Michelle. I'm so sorry. Know that when you have no strength, the Saints and Sisters around you are there for you, storming the gates of Heaven. I pray for healing as always and wisdom for the doctors. I'm sure you have been checked for diabetes, but if not, make sure they do tests again to rule it out. I'm not trying to be bossy! I love you!

Deanna said...

Dearest Michelle,
I stop by your blog from time to time and wanted to say hi!
I'm very sorry that you are having such a difficult time with Adrenal Fatique.

I believe that alot of women have this challenge and don't know that this is the name of what is challenging them.

I have not used this product I'm about to suggest, but know of it and have thought of using it myself. ISOCORT for adrenal support.

www.helenpensanti.com
or
www.askdrhelen.com

I participated in one of your internet parties last year when I began blogging. It was such alot of fun.

God bless you and may you get to feeling right away,
d from homehaven in Kansas

Chelsey said...

Michelle,
I am praying for you girl! I am so sorry you are going through this. Standing in the gap for you and calling upon His name for healing!

angela said...

Hi Michelle,

I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulty you are having... I will lift you up. I'm sure you have looked into everything you can to help you. I just wanted to pass some information along to you. I am a distributor for Young Living Essential Oils. I looked in my oil book to see what it said about your condition. It sad that Nutmeg, clove, and rosemary together help support the adrenal glands. We have been using the oils for many things in our family for the last few years and they have been really helpful. I hope you don't think I'm being presumptous or anything. I just wanted to share this with you. If you would like to know more about the oils go to www.youngliving.com!!! I wish you the best and will be praying for you. I know this must be so very hard for you and your family!!!

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

So sorry to hear you are taking a downward turn. I'm praying God will give you wisdom as to know what to do.

Sue said...

Oh, Michelle! I will be praying for you! I also went back and read your post, Mama is sick, and you are describing me. I went to the site you suggested and from what I read, I, am in the beginning of stage 3. I've had a lot of testing done lately and have to call my doctor anyway, so will be doing that Monday and asking for testing. God bless you, dear! Hang in there, and rest in the Lord who dearly loves you!

Debbie said...

Michelle,

I am sad to hear that you are feeling bad again. I am encouraged that you are finding much strength in the Lord and that your husband is such a great help. I am glad that I have found your blog so that I can be praying for you as we have our family worship daily.

Bobbi said...

Michelle,
I am so sorry to hear of your difficulty and discouragement. You have encouraged me and lifted me up to the Father in prayer and now I will do the same for you. God bless you!
Bobbi

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

Michelle,

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly. It sounds really miserable. Your attitude, though is encouraging and amazing. Thank you for living and sharing such an awesome testimony of our glorious Lord.

I'm praying for you friend.

Regan Family Farm said...

Dear Michelle,
We are praying for you and your family. Be expecting a call from us so we can bless you (please be in prayer over HOW we can best serve you)
Love to you~
Kathy

sanjeet said...

I will pray for your health and for your husband's strength.
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