Saturday, November 14, 2009

Time For Rest

Okay, so I went to the doctor again this week. I expressed my frustration with how sick I still am and that I didn't even want to be there. I just wanted to quit! And, to top it all off, I have gained a little over ten pounds since all this started four months ago, and it seems to keep going up! After fighting so hard to lose a significant amount of weight earlier this year, this was just too much! My doctor is addressing the weight gain and believes that my pituitary and thyroid are 'tanking'. (His words) This explains the sleeplessness, weight gain and increase in depression of late. He has changed my diet and made some significant changes with my supplements.

As we talked and he tried to figure out what might be going on, he asked if there were any other stresses that he didn't know about. He was shaking his head because it seems I should be getting better. Something is still causing serious drain on my body.

Brian said, "the only thing I can think of is her passion to learn, which seems to get her jazzed." When I want to know something or the Lord puts something new in front of me, I attack it with a vengeance. I can spend hours researching, printing, reading, ect. For example, when I came across a wonderful book on the rest of God, I ended up buying five or six books on rest and tried to consume them all at once. This is just how I operate ;-) The ironic thing is they were books on REST for crying out loud! I even attack learning how to not attack.

My doctor looked at me and said, "no computer for two weeks!" Brian and I were almost in tears as we both secretly felt the Holy Spirit's leading in this. My doctor has no idea how much or how little time I spend on the computer or even what I do on it.

So much of all the things I love to do, things I have found my significance, in have been removed from me during these past four months. Homeschooling, homemaking, being a cheerful and helpful wife, being a good friend, daughter ect. At least I was able to still pursue healthy ways to nourish my family, new recipes, new ideas and projects, help other women, ect. All this while not at all recognizing the stress I was causing my body.

I have learned a lot about stress and our bodies during this illness; things I think one can probably only learn by going through it, for which I am thankful. Our bodies are bombarded by stresses each day without us even knowing it.

For example, my husband goes to the doctor for a routine check-up. He doesn't seem nervous and doesn't even feel nervous. But his blood pressure is up significantly without him even knowing it.

Seeing an old friend and being all excited to see her, even though it seems like a good stress, your body still goes through significant hormonal changes to deal with the situation.

Other seemingly insignificant things which might cause stress would be a frustrating morning with your children, multi-tasking (this is a future post topic), or hearing of a tragic story in the news, or watching an intense movie (which I don't recommend;-) All these call on our bodies to handle the incoming stress. For me, having had my ability to deal with stress basically removed from me through this adrenal fatigue, I am able to feel things that wouldn't even phase another person. (or me for that matter, six months ago)

So, I say ALL of this to say that I am going to be taking a computer break for two weeks! I am extremely excited because I believe this is the next step in the major work the Lord is doing in my heart. I believe this is, in part, an answer for balance and rest in my soul. I believe He wants me alone with Him. I believe I have let my passion to learn and to help others become a replacement for the significance I need to find in Him alone. And, I can only guess, that my limited mind can only think of a small portion of what He is really doing.

If I am being honest though, I am also sort of scared. I don't know what I am going to 'do' instead. Notice the need to 'do' something. I use the computer because I just don't have energy for anything else. I might just need to be quiet, alone with Jesus and my own heart and my own thoughts. I will miss it, I am sure. I will miss hearing from you very amazing women almost daily. It is hard because I have several posts already written out that I feel the Lord has given me, with several more ideas floating in my head. But I will trust His timing. Maybe this will be a time of writing.

Would you mind praying for me if the Lord puts me on your heart? I would appreciate it. I have no reason to think He won't give this back to me. I think that it will probably be in a more balanced way. I tend not to be a balanced person ;-)

I still plan to check my email for important matters. I will be praying a lot during this time and if there are any urgent needs that you would like prayer for, please let me know. It will not be a bother, but a huge blessing to me! Okay, now I am crying. I'm going to miss you ladies, but it's only for two weeks right?

My prayer for you,

God be with you till we meet again;
by his counsels guide, uphold you,
with his sheep securely fold you;
God be with you till we meet again.

Till we meet, till we meet,
till we meet at Jesus' feet;
till we meet, till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
neath his wings securely hide you,
daily manna still provide you;
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
when life's perils thick confound you,
put his arms unfailing round you;
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
keep love's banner floating o'er you,
smite death's threatening wave before you;
God be with you till we meet again.


Linda said...

Rest in Him our sweet Michelle
We all want you to get well

Quiet times with God above
Dwelling on His precious love

Letting go of stress and pain
Nothing lost,... but much to gain

Just a fortnight that is all
To us your blessings you'll recall

We praise the Lord along with you
For all that He is going to do!!!

Love, Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Oh, Michelle. We have so much to learn from you. Your transparency is what keeps me coming back to your blog for more. I am excited for you! I excited, because I know God is doing a work in you and you are going to share with us what it is. I'm sure it will be a deeper understanding of who he is.

Rest, be at peace. There is a time to learn and a time to know that you have enough knowledge right now. Practice it and LOVE being with your Heavenly Father in a new way.

I will miss you and I will pray for you.

Just a quick question. I would love to know who is homeschooling your children right now. Did your husband take it over or an older child? I don't know what I would do if I had a similar health problem.

Camille said...

Michelle ~ The Lord is so GRACIOUS with us, isn't HE!? Life is all about balance and we are to find it ultimately in HIM.

That hymn you quoted was one we would sing at church when special people were leaving...very often very far away...ALWAYS made me cry! :) But I am sure you will be back...and as you a more balanced way! God is good and He does all things well.

God Bless you my friend!
With Love,

Psalm 138:8 and Psalm 1

Camille said...

Oh...and I am praying...

Vicki said...

My prayer is that the Lord will perfectly and abundantly fill the emptiness that you may feel as He is temporarily cutting your cord. May this be a time of renewing and true rest for you.

Nonsensicalgirl said...

This spoke to me so strongly as it is something that's been going through my mind as well! Just this morning as I prayed alone the Lord put that verse on my heart about 'seeking first the kingdom of God' and I knew it was His way of wanting me to stop doing, thinking, worrying, etc and just spend some time with Him. And then trust Him to take care of everything else!
I pray that you will find the rest and peace you need. And that I will be able to do the same.

In Christ,

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

I'm so sorry you are experiencing a setback and I pray this will help do the trick. I'm praying God will fill you up on the way He can. I'll miss you and look forward to hearing from you again.

God Bless,

J said...

praying for you, dear sister.

Amanda Sikes said...

Rest well. We will be here when you get back. May Jesus bless your heart, body and family during this time of rest.

The Girl in the Pink Dress said...

I will definitely be praying for you! I'm so sorry all this is happening... it's hard to see through these things sometimes...
I'd recommend Rev. 21 and 22. It makes me cry, but with joy. It's so beautiful and comforting. I'll be praying for you!
The Girl in the Pink Dress

Connie said...

God will hold you close in these coming weeks. This is a good thing - I think many realize how much time and energy it takes to post the way you do, and have been wondering why you keep it up when your health is at risk.

Our love and prayers are with you. We look forward to your restored health.

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

Michelle, I am praying for you. For you health, that you will know what God is teaching during this time, for your family and most importantly that you will feel the Lord's loving arms holding you close.
I am so glad I have found your blog. It has been a blessing to me over the past month or more. I will be looking forward to hearing about what God is doing in your life through this time of trial, rest and learning.

September said...

ohh Michelle,

My heart is like yours - sensitive and weary at times.
Be Still, and Know that I am God.. This is my verse for the year. Life, I should say.
Your exhaustion is real. I wish I could be there to wrap my arms around you and tell you that it will be gone tomorrow.
I have been there.
It WILL get better.
Listen to what God wants you to REALLY do right now.
Don't do any thing more that you need to do.
I am thinking of you, and will be praying for you.
Love ya!

Jasmine said...

Michelle, I'm new to your blog, but wanted to share that I'm going through something similar. I'm seeing a nutritionist, and hope that with her assistance I find answers to my fatique.

I also have a GYN visit coming up, where they will be checking on my hormones. I'll pray for you sister.

God bless.

Camille said...

Just to let you know...I am still thinking of you and praying! :)