Monday, July 6, 2009

Marriage Monday "Meeting His Needs"

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
Continuing on with the theme from last week about us "being created for him", I thought to touch on a sensitive and private subject.
In our effort to be wise women and true help meets, we need to seek to know what our husband's needs are in all areas. We have discussed other areas in previous posts, but today I want to gently remind us to discover their needs concerning intimacy and seek to meet them.
Chances are their needs are probably a little different than ours, especially with all the ups and downs of hormones, births of babies, breastfeeding, as well as all the demands of being a mama and a a keeper of the home. Not to mention, God wired them differently than us, and that is a good thing! But, let's not use all these as an excuse to become focused on ourselves.
Over the years I have learned a lot. I have been blessed by a very patient husband. We both had loads of baggage brought into our marriage from past sinful relationships. It has not always been easy, but God's mercy is so amazing! We often marvel at how special and blessed our marriage bed is, because we certainly do not deserve it based on our prior choices.
One thing that has helped me, by God's grace, is take my eyes off of me and how 'I' am 'feeling' and seek to 'love' my husband. I need to recognize his advances are just his God-given desires and needs, as well as his desire to love me, and God made ME to meet them.
I can choose to respond in a selfless way!
I have found if I purpose to please him, my body begins to line up and I soon forget I was tired or had a headache or whatever my excuse was. And you know what, even if it doesn't line up that night, that is still okay, my desire should be to please him!
It is a matter of being self-LESS! It is 'true' love according to 1 Corinthians 13.
I would like to add that this post is meant to encourage us to take our eyes off of ourselves in yet another area. I once heard a message similar to this, only it went to the extreme of putting the burden on the wife, at a time when I was very, very overwhelmed having just had my third baby in less than three years. (numbers 6, 7 and 8, mind you) I was guilt ridden for a very long time over that message. There was no conviction from the Holy Spirit, just condemnation from the enemy. Please, I beg of you, do not let this bring condemnation. If you are in a season of your life that the Lord is NOT speaking to you about this, please just file it for another time. The last thing I intend to do is to bring condemnation or place burdens on you.
Lord Jesus, you have given us an amazing gift in our relationship with our husbands. Help us Lord to give ourselves entirely to our husband. Bring healing where there needs to be healing. Bring conviction where it is needed. Give us wisdom to know what they need and the desire to lay down our lives and truly love them and seek to meet their needs.


Jennifer Sikora said...

Thanks for sharing this. You would not believe how much flack I get from friends who say that women who feel like we do about this subject are crazy.

I always go back to the Bible verse that says, my body is not my own. It is for my husband. When I give to him out of my love for Christ, everything lines up.

It's nice to know that there are other women out there who feel the same way.

Thanks for sharing today!

busymomof10 said...


Thanks for another great post on marriage! My husband says if more women took heed to this advice, there would be less straying husbands! I agree 100% with everything you said; however, it is such a challenge to approach this realm of our marriages with enthusiasm and passion after another exhausting day in the trenches . . . Also, I've never really understood why God created men and women with such different needs in this area. Unless it is just what you brought out -- to teach us to die to ourselves even more.

Thanks for challenging us wives in this sensitive but needful area.


carebear7951 said...

Thanks for the reminder of the "why" of marital intimacy in a world that "preaches" constantly that it's all about "me" and what can it do for me???? Marriage is about giving and when you set out to give you often receive. As you said, not always in the physical sense, but always always always will we be blessed (in some way) if we give of ourselves to our husband.

Deanna said...

Stopping by to say hello and read your great post.

Praying for a protective hedge around our husbands minds is an added plus.

Blessings to you this July/Summer,
'cauz home is a ministry

Jena said...

My mother was a very wise woman and brought me up in the very same way. There are not too many women my age that were brought up this way (I assume there will be even fewer women in the future generations). I pray that my sons (I have 4) will marry good Christian women who were brought up in a good Christian home. Women that know and understand God's word. Thank you for your encouraging words (and helping me to realize that I am not alone and it is God's will). I also pray that I can raise my sons to be what God created and wants them to be, good Christian heads of the home and family. It is easier for me to be the wife that God wants me to be because I have the kind of husband that I have.

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

I appreciate the grace that you have extended to us at the end. There are days where I am very tired and I just want to go to bed. Sometimes I will if it hasn't been too long after we "have come together". I try to never let 4 days pass by. I believe this is a ministry to our husbands and we are to be servants in this area. But not in a martyrs sense.