Sunday, March 24, 2013

Struggling To Be a Whole-hearted Mama

I’m struggling, lately, with keeping ‘my head in the game’, ‘my heart at home’, staying fully engaged, or however you might describe it.

Even though I am all things ‘pro-family’, one of the biggest battles of my whole ‘motherhood’ is keeping my heart turned towards home.  It seems to be one of those weaknesses that the Lord has not chosen to take away.

It ebbs and flow, and certainly, season in life play a role in the struggle as well.  I have ‘seasons’ when my children and home are seemingly my only focus.  It is in these times I feel like a whole-hearted mama.  Not perfect, but all there, fully engaged.

Then there are times when I am so distracted with life, my own pursuits or even God-led pursuits, that I sense my heart so far away from home.  I hate this feeling.  I feel the tug, but don’t seem to know what to do about it.  It’s a very ‘lost’ feeling.  It’s like I even forget how to do the ‘mama’ thing.

Lately, I feel the tug to turn my heart towards home more, (yet again) and I am making great strides.  The business that we have (our home-based family business) demands A LOT of me, and we really do feel that the Lord is leading it, which means I need to figure out how to do both.  Well, not that I need to figure it out, I need to trust Him to teach and lead me.

For me, it starts with recognizing and repenting for getting so swept away.  I used to take on so much condemnation at a time like this, but now I know He loves me and forgives me and it is not about me striving or trying harder, but humbling myself before Him, crying out to Him to teach me how to do the ‘mama’ thing again.  I ask Him to change my heart, turn it towards home.  I praise Him for loving me and shaping me into the mama He created me to be.

It is easy?  Nope.  I haven’t figured it out yet, but felt like I needed to share my heart and my struggles. 

Do you have similar struggles?  Perhaps we can pray for each other, just let me know, I’d love to know I’m not in this alone.



Deanna said...

Sweet Spring blessings to you.
Perhaps an afternoon out all by yourself would help refresh you. When we're overtired we can easily be vulnerable and think that there's greener pasture elsewhere. Sometimes life is very very difficult and we as women think we can fix what is wrong in our lives by working a job outside our home situation. I sound like I have all the answers...sorry, i don't mean to act like a know it all. grins. No....i'm just getting old. Take a bubble bath and unwind. I think you're just over tired and need some time off. May you get to feeling better right away.

Michelle (She Looketh Well) said...

Well, hello, Sweet Deanna!! I totally get what you are saying, and I have been there many times. But right now, I have had the 'bubble bath' times and need to dive into what I was called to do. It's so easy for me to get swallowed up in the 'fun' of our family business and ministry that I ignore the tougher being a mama part. I feel the tug to turn my heart back towards home, make sense?

Thanks for your comment, so good to hear from you!!

French Countryside Farm said...

Dear Michelle,

A few months ago I discovered your blog. I can honestly say that I have been blessed reading your posts. When I read your sentences, I can truly sense the LORD working in your life. Please continue to write what ever the LORD inspires you to share. You have written so many things that have spoken to me. You are a beautiful person and I thank the LORD that he has bought you into my life, through this blog.

Have an inspiring day....


Marcy DePew said...

Yes, I can relate to this. My mind is sidetracked often with other things, and sometimes my heart goes along with it. Praying for you. Will you pray for me too?