I’m struggling, lately, with keeping ‘my head in the game’, ‘my heart at home’, staying fully engaged, or however you might describe it.
Even though I am all things ‘pro-family’, one of the biggest battles of my whole ‘motherhood’ is keeping my heart turned towards home. It seems to be one of those weaknesses that the Lord has not chosen to take away.
It ebbs and flow, and certainly, season in life play a role in the struggle as well. I have ‘seasons’ when my children and home are seemingly my only focus. It is in these times I feel like a whole-hearted mama. Not perfect, but all there, fully engaged.
Then there are times when I am so distracted with life, my own pursuits or even God-led pursuits, that I sense my heart so far away from home. I hate this feeling. I feel the tug, but don’t seem to know what to do about it. It’s a very ‘lost’ feeling. It’s like I even forget how to do the ‘mama’ thing.
Lately, I feel the tug to turn my heart towards home more, (yet again) and I am making great strides. The business that we have (our home-based family business) demands A LOT of me, and we really do feel that the Lord is leading it, which means I need to figure out how to do both. Well, not that I need to figure it out, I need to trust Him to teach and lead me.
For me, it starts with recognizing and repenting for getting so swept away. I used to take on so much condemnation at a time like this, but now I know He loves me and forgives me and it is not about me striving or trying harder, but humbling myself before Him, crying out to Him to teach me how to do the ‘mama’ thing again. I ask Him to change my heart, turn it towards home. I praise Him for loving me and shaping me into the mama He created me to be.
It is easy? Nope. I haven’t figured it out yet, but felt like I needed to share my heart and my struggles.
Do you have similar struggles? Perhaps we can pray for each other, just let me know, I’d love to know I’m not in this alone.