Habitual Repentance

Do you ever feel like the only real habits you are making are the ones where you only deepen the ruts of the very habits your wish to change?

Just days ago I read . . .

. . . the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning

. . . Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

. . . and in his lips there is a burning fire.

. . . moving his lips he bringeth evil to pass.

(yes, all in one day!)

Today I read the words, ‘Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt.’ (Col. 3:)

But my words were not seasoned with grace and salt, but pepper, hot pepper. They sting and hurt and made baby blue eyes run with tears.

Why is it I can make a habit of prayer, scripture memory, and schedule and structure, but my words; my mouth, (my heart, really, for out of the heart the mouth speaks) is so undisciplined, so habitually peppery?

So, I do all I know to do with this seemingly life long battle with harshness, peppery words. I cry out the my Father in repentance. I seek forgiveness from the teary baby blues. I habitually repent, draw nigh, humble myself in His sight. With trembling and faltering hope I believe that He will draw nigh to me. He gives grace to the humble. He cleanses me from all unrighteousness. Whether I ‘see’ it or not, I believe I am being changed from glory to glory.

Ah, this is the habit being formed, not the usual guilt, shame and days of beating myself up, often slipping into hopelessness and despair. But now, since the day He set me free, I run quickly to Him in repentance for grace and mercy and have hope of change.

Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD.

Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.

If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?

But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.

My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.

Let Israel hope in the LORD: for with the LORD there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption.

And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities. (Psalm 130)