My ‘baby’ is three years old today! It seems so odd to not be pregnant yet. Though I was pregnant last summer and we lost that baby in October.
At my age, 44, you start to wonder if this wonderful door of childbearing is closing. Certainly there have been hormonal changes, health issues (now healed, praise the Lord) and just the simple fact that there will one day be an end.
I try not to be too sad, not letting my heart and mind wander, choosing to be thankful and trust no matter what. This past month I started to feel very queasy one day with no explanation. It went on for a few days. I started to get excited even though I was only just past mid-cycle. I reasoned that I had ovulated early and that if God was answering my prayers for twin girls that would explain why I felt sick already. Within a couple of days I had found out possible due dates using due-date calculators online. I checked to see just how big my baby (babies;-) was at this exact time. All this without a missed period!
My hopes were dashed when one night I began having mild hot flashes, of all things! Only to find out a few hours later that I had my period. Oh bother.
It is incredibly easy to take fertility for granted. It is extremely common for woman to choose to ‘close the door’ on their own. Do we realize that children are a gift, a blessing, a reward?? Somehow I doubt we really understand it, myself included.
So, while it has been hard in years past to trust the Lord with how many ‘blessings’ He might bestow, I am finding it equally challenging to trust Him with when He might close the door. But, one thing I know, He is WORTHY of my trust! He does all things well and I will praise Him come whatever.
I will soak up this fast becoming independent and charming three year old. I will enjoy this precious season we are in because each and every season is a gift from our Father, whether we see it as a gift or not.