Sunday, December 2, 2012

Seeing Him on His Knees Broke Me

He was on his hands and knees, vacuuming between the cubbies and the fridge in the garage.  He had been helping me for two days straight transforming the garage from a shop into a beautiful ‘boutique’ for all my painted treasures.

We were tired, working from morning till late at night.  There was something in seeing him there, on his knees, giving all he had that broke me.

For the past several weeks I had believed lie after lie from the enemy.  Self-pity, you know, the ‘woe is me, I do ALL the work’ spirit.  And accusation and bitterness, and who knows who else showed up to my pity party.  It was mostly directed at Brian.  Yes, the man who lays down his life daily for us.  I now see the absurdity of it all, but when you are deceived, well, you don’t see straight.

I had accused him of not caring, not doing enough, not helping me.  I was bitter at him for me having to ‘bear the weight’ of all of this business and me having to do it ‘all by myself’.  I was  further frustrated by his incredulity at the filth that was flying out of my mouth.

I mean, how could he not see it!?  I was floundering, and I was sure it was because of him.  One conversation he listed off everything he does to make this family business work.  I have to admit, that was the beginning of my eyes being opened just a bit.  The list was incredibly long.  He really does do a lot.  We had agreed to just let it go.  We knew it was the enemy and that we adored each other.  We repented, forgave and moved on.

But the full breaking of my heart did not come until three days ago when I saw him there on his hands and knees.  I began to weep, standing there behind him.  He gives so much!  He never complains about it, he just does it.  All to please me, no less.

I got down on my knees in front of him, ashamed at how awful the thoughts were that I had towards him.  I just wanted to hide my tear stained face in his shoulder, but I knew I needed to look him in the eyes and tell him how sorry I was.

Through tears now pouring down my face, there on our knees in the garage, I told him just how sorry I was.  How much I appreciated ALL he does.  What does this ‘ogre of a man who never does anything to help’ (LIES) do?  He kisses my tears away assuring me he had forgiven me long ago.

Simple as that.   Back to vacuuming.  All is well.  I just marvel at the example of Christ’s free forgiveness towards a very unworthy sinner expressed through this very human man.


Kati Potratz said...

Did you know I needed this? ;) You are so right when you say "but when you are deceived, well, you don't see straight." I'm learning to see straight, too, Michelle. Thanks for sharing.

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Good job!

Jenn said...

AMEN! And Hallelujah! Praising God with you today that He has helped you break away from those lies!

Marsha said...

I'm a follower of your other fun blog but I just recently found this one. I've added your buttom
"She Looketh Well" to my blog page and titled it Words of Wisdom. Thank you for sharing your Christian walk with us. God will use it in a beautiful way.

Marcy DePew said...

Thank you for sharing this Michelle, it brought me to tears. I so appreciate your honesty in sharing your human struggles with us. I know we all can relate.

Laura Smith said...

Beautiful and convicting! Thank you for sharing. I too have one of those wonderful husbands who never complains and just does it. What a blessing they are to us and how quickly we are deceived not to see it.