Wednesday, February 24, 2010

How Marvelous! How Wonderful!

Monday night into Tuesday morning were some of the darkest hours for me in the last seven months of this adrenal fatigue. Not only was I exhausted, emotional, irrational, but I was also angry. Not a very pretty emotion, especially for a Christian.

I was so discouraged and hopeless that I was getting just a little ticked that I wasn't getting better and that God and Brian (poor Brian)weren't making it all better. Looking back, I see what a spoiled brat I was being, the opposite of the 'give thanks always' sweetie I desire to be.

Brian was struggling to hang on amidst my crying and discouragement and taking care of eight children, bedtime and a two year old, when he asked me to just stop so he could regroup. Well! That is all I needed to fume all the more. I decided I was going to not say another word! It just brewed inside me all night. I woke up with such a sore jaw from clenching my teeth all night trying to hold back the tears and stay angry. I just kept saying in my mind every time the emotions would start to rise, "I don't care! I just quit! I'm not going to fight anymore! If I don't get better, it's not my fault, I quit!" (so irrational, I know)

Finally, my sweet husband who was beside himself trying to figure out what was wrong with his wife, came to me in the bedroom while I was doing my quiet time. I knew I couldn't resist his compassion, but I tried to stay mad. He called me down to the floor (where he was sitting) and held me in his arms while I cried and cried. I could smell his cologne, which is so comforting and I could hear his heartbeat, in between my sobs. It was so precious. He just held me.

He encouraged me to stop trying to 'do it right' and just ride out the storm (the raging hormones as well as the spiritual battle I was in) and hide under the Rock. When you are in a huge storm you don't try to figure out what to do, you duck and cover! Hide myself in Him, that is what I needed to do. Stop fighting, stop fussing, just hide myself in Him.

Later that day the hymn "I stand amazed in the Presence" came to my heart and as I listened and sang I was overwhelmed by His love for me. That morning, in Brian's arms, I didn't realize the significance of it, but it was my Father loving me through him.

Certainly there is a time to fight, a time to wield my sword of the Spirit, but then there are times to just stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.
Please enjoy this hymn as much as I did.

I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean


O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!

For me it was in the garden
He prayed: “Not My will, but Thine.”
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.


In pity angels beheld Him,
And came from the world of light
To comfort Him in the sorrows
He bore for my soul that night.


He took my sins and my sorrows,
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary,
And suffered and died alone.


When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.

Praying you know the love He has for you today. Do you need to just 'hide in Him' today and wait out the storm? How marvelous, how wonderful is the Saviors love for YOU!


Camille said...

I love this hymn! Aren't they so rich?? What a beautiful story of God's goodness. Think of long he was taken wrong and unjustly punished, yet, God had a plan for him. Joseph did not see the whole picture until it all unfolded, yet his faith in God was unshaken through it all. What a wonderful encouragement...He IS faithful!


Camille said...

Oh...and one more thing ~ When God takes us through those deep deep waters, very often it will be used in our ministering to others in the future. He does indeed give "beauty for ashes"..."all things do work together for good" to those that are HIS! Hang in there...God is working all things for your good and His glory!


Jennifer said...

Hi, Michelle! Just wanted to let you know that your last several post have really spoken to me. Also I could have written the one about Sarah Grace and entitled it Bella Peace. Our stories are so similiar. Bella Peace is my baby after 2 late second trimister miscarriages. I felt the same way as you as far as believing it wouldn't happen again and being frustrated that after trusting God for my family size he allowed that to happen. I'm having a little bit more difficult time with the post suggesting that this just may be the way it's suppose to be and we need to bow to Him. I totally agree, but don't really want to accept that. These days have been hard. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement! I also loved the flirting 101!! My husband will too!


angela said...

Thank you so much for sharing... It is so refreshing to know I am not alone. Maybe our circumstances aren't the same, but I could just see myself in what you were saying. Just wanting to be all that I feel God wants me to be sometimes gets overwhelming to me because I have so far to go. I am thankful to have a wonderful husband like yours who will come and hold me when He really doesn't understand, but He knows what I need. Although life can be hard sometimes I am overwhelmed by God's CRAZY love and kindness for me. Thank you again for sharing your weak times as well as strong times.

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

I can't imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes. God really blessed you with a capable and LOVING husband. You are blessed, Michelle. If anything, hang on to just that.

Deb said...

A sacrifice of praise (even though the waves are tough) and a godly, blessings of a husband...even through your pain, anger, frustration and are a very blessed woman...and my friend, you already know this..:o)
Know that I'm still praying and trusting God for you.

September said...

I love your honesty and openness.
I, too, know the ups and downs of Adrenal Fatigue.. two years ago, and having a large family.
When peace like a river is all I can think after reading here today.
You are almost there! Keep hanging on to Him.. I am thinking of you and praying for you!

The Girl in the Pink Dress said...

Our circumstances are different, but I see myself here more often than I'd like. Sometimes you just get "one of those days". The next day when I look back on it, I can't figure out why I got so angry, or why I even wanted to be. So grateful that Jesus gives grace for every day.
I'm SO blessed to have a DH who is extremely patient, understanding, and kind. Like yours he'll just sit with me, hug me, and just be there. Poor guy! I love him to pieces *smile*
I loved this post. Hugs!
The Girl in the Pink Dress