Thursday, February 18, 2010

Flirting 101

Today I hope to touch upon a subject that is very near and dear to my heart, as well as my husband’s. We have so much fun in our marriage and we both think fun is important in a marriage. This subject can be a bit sensitive and some might find it uncomfortable to talk about, but I am going to take the risk because I feel it is so important.

I want you to know right up front that I believe that the marriage bed is an unbelievable gift that is holy and pure. I pray what I write today will reflect that.
My husband and I flirt, I mean a lot of flirting! (with each other, of course!) It makes our marriage so much fun, and the intimacy only grows between us. When I say intimacy, I mean the closeness and oneness between a married couple, not just what happens in bed.

Below are just some suggestions of how to incorporate ‘flirting’ in your marriage. You know your husband better than anybody, what works for one might not work for others. I am merely suggesting that you prayerfully find ways to ‘flirt’ with your man!

Flirting 101

Passionate kissing! Find moments to surprise your husband with a passionate kiss. Maybe on his way out the door in the morning. Imagine his surprise if you never do this! F.Y.I., brush teeth first.

Love notes/emails are a way to let him know you are thinking about him. We used to write love notes to each other all the time, we still do some, but emails come in handy too. Don’t be afraid to have a little fun with these. You can always ‘destroy the evidence’ if need be. (wink) Sometimes it is easier to write things that we might be uncomfortable saying. Things we might like to do, or have him do. Be romantic, it is okay to make him blush!

‘Flirty looks.’ Apparently I have what my husband calls a ’saucy, come hither look.’ He loves when I cast him one of these from across the room. You should see the smile on his face.

Dance in the kitchen, the living room, where ever! We have been known to grab the other person right there in the middle of making hash browns and eggs, spatula in hand and all, and just start dancing! He has even dipped me a few times. I squeal with surprise and the children all laugh and get excited. They see all the time that Mama and Papa love each other so much!

Whisper ’sweet naughties,’ I mean ’sweet nothings’ in his ear. Use your imagination and don’t be shy, as long as you make sure nobody else is listening.

We have lots of ‘private’ words. They are just normal words, with special meaning. Nobody has a clue what we mean, it is our little secret. I of course can’t tell you them because they are secret. Are there words that only the two of you know the real meaning of?

Be hands on! Touch him more. It might be a simple, gentle stroke on his shoulder or a tousle of his hair, (if he has hair . Or, if nobody is looking, you might think of other places you could touch. Sometimes you will find us walking closely together at the store, even just brushing up against each other, so casually and non-chalantly, of course. This is a good time for that ’saucy, come hither look.’

Admire his physique. This is easy, yes? Find something you like about his body and let him know you like it! I will grab hold of his arm and swoon over his ‘guns,’ as we call them. Maybe it is his derriere, or legs or smile, whatever! Frequently tell him how simply amazing he is!

Initiate a game of chase. We do this and somehow he catches me right at our bed and we plop down in each others arms laughing and kissing. Of course, in a millisecond we can occasionally have several small children on top of us. Everybody is laughing and squealing with delight.

Shower together. We have ‘grown’ into this one. I can promise you that in our early marriage I would not be caught naked, in the bathroom, with Brian, with the lights on! I promise. But, as our marriage has grown and walls have come down, we love a long, hot shower together!

We have found recently that we talk or reminisce about our times of intimacy. We have also noticed at times we are doing more talking about times of intimacy than we are having times of intimacy, if you know what I mean. Funny thing is, it seems like we are having more times of intimacy because of all the talking! Works for me The whole next day we might be reminding each other of certain things, or thanking the other for certain things. You get the idea, right?

Okay, I am going to step out just a little bit more here. I want to talk to you about how us women dress. I mean under our clothes or when we go to bed. I am all for modesty in all ways! But, I do think there is value in being just a little bit ‘immodest’ under our clothing. Do you know what I mean? I don’t think there is anything ungodly or unholy about swapping out the stained, cotton, ten year old nursing bra for a pretty, lacy little number for date night! Or, some slightly uncomfortable little dainties to wear under your very modest skirt or dress.

Also, there is nothing wrong with having an especially ‘immodest’ nightie to wear on special occasions. Hide it under your big fluffy robe while the children are still awake and then give him a peek before you crawl into bed. You do know that men are very visual, right? I really do believe we can do these types of things in a tasteful and pure way.

Now, procuring these items are a bit difficult for a home schooling, mama of nine! I mean really, how comfortable is it to even buy bras at your local department store? Now, this crazy woman wants you to go buy little, lacy dainties? It can be done ladies, just be careful not to tuck them in your coat on the way to check out for fear you might get stopped by a security guard! Also, leave the children at home and wash your dainties secretly, I mean separately. Just a little FYI.

This concludes our lesson on Flirting 101. If you have any questions or suggestions of your own, please feel free to leave a comment or email me personally. Please don’t throw any tomatoes, I am just sharing my heart here. I am fully aware that we all come from different backgrounds, have unique marriages, and different levels of convictions. Trust God, your heart, and your husband’s wishes, not mine.

This was also not meant to put one more ‘burden’ on your already full plate, just a way to encourage some ‘fun.’ I personally find it is much easier to ‘be in the mood’ more often when my mind is there, and flirting is one way to put it there. Blessings and love!



Mags said...

Way to go! I personally think these things should be shared and discussed. I might learn something new that works for my beloved and me. When you are working at a job, do you never seek additional training? Well, no! Of course you seek additional training to stay good and become better at what you do. Are we so perfect that we don't think we need additional training, fresh ideas, a new look on a old 'task' (if you will)? Afterall, they may be married to us and they may be a very godly man. But let's face it, it's the real world and we have duty to keep our husbands eyes and desires here at home and not give them a reason to look or wander!

Kate said...

Thanks you so much for this post on flirting. I needed a reminder to just have fun with my husband. This came at the perfect time, I felt like you were speaking directly to me :)

~Jenna's Baggs said...

i have been encouraged by the well for so long now...i am so pleased and impressed with this post of yours!! thank you for sharing in a Godly, sisterly, tactful way about a topic so very necessary! blessings to you sister!!

Aylin said...

Whew! This was a surprise in my morning e-mail reading! I'm sure ny husdand would love the "special" delicates rather than the sturdy nursing bra!

Lynn said...

after being snowed-in for the better part of two weeks and suffering the discomfort of an upper-respiratory infection this whole week and finally getting to drive the big,yellow bus today i sat down to the computer this evening only to find a distressing message from my niece (non-believer) in a much warmer state. she shared that her new husband has revealed a close friendship with a female, single co-worker and she is very uncomfortable with this knowledge. been there; had that happen. learned alot; most of it painful. i encouraged her to love and trust him, but also to encourage him to respect their boundaries of marriage. i told her i will pray for all of them. then i looked at my email and read flirting 101; now i need to hook her up with that. isn't it cool how God knows exactly what is going on in all our lives and sends little gems at just the right moment???

busymomof10 said...

Very provocative post!! ;)

Thanks for the encouragement not to skip over this area of our lives!

Lynnette Kraft said...

Okay I'll admit, you are WAY better at flirting than I am! I am not super forward with my hubby. I find it embarrassing. I know, surprised aren't you? I always say I'm such a free spirit. Well, I am in almost every other way. ha! I have showered with my hubby, but the thought of my kids knowing sort of freaks me out. I do throw hints about hm hmmm, but then I feel stupid. When he throws hints, I blush. I'm serious, I'm a wimp!!!

When I read Debi Pearls book, Created to be His Help Meet, I was blushing through much of it. I guess I have some work to do. Oh, we don't suffer from it, I think my hubby loves me that way. He gets a kick out of making me blush. ha!!! He's definitely the forward one when it comes to that.

So, there. I admit it.
Love you, you little flirter you! ha!

Heather said...

Loved reading this!!!! Thank you for sharing!! :)