Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Hurting Heart

I wonder, does everyone have one? You know, a place deep in their hearts where there is pain. Pain that brings the tears flowing. A little place, thought it doesn't seem so little some days, that resurfaces every now and again bringing tears and pain.

It seems like the years just drift by. Will my heart's cry to see ALL my children walking in the Truth ever be answered? I have to believe it will. It is easier to be frustrated, almost angry at him for the choices he makes. But what about when the heart goes all soft and you can't keep up the hard shell? Then what? What about when you can't keep yourself and your mind busy with the day to day, and compassion and sadness spill out of you?

What do you do with the pain when you see him struggle because of past choices? Even now, if he desires to change, it seems so overwhelming. Watching life, and sin, and the enemy, and the horrible choices beat up on him, that is simply too much today.

But now, I see not only the pain in his heart, but his little son too?! A little boy, just about two, crying for daddy. The daddy he only sees once a week or so. "This is not how it is supposed to be!!!", I scream from deep within my heart. Nothing stops the tears, no matter how many times I tell it to stop. No matter how many times I choose prayer over emotion. Nope, hearing that little boy cry out for daddy in his own sweet little voice, that it what puts me over. He didn't choose this!

One thing is for sure, sin always causes heartache. First to our Father's heart and then to others. Sometimes we have no idea who our sinful choices are going to hurt.

So, I wonder, what can I do with this pain? I remember something I read long ago, not sure by who. 'Offer this pain to Him as a gift, as a sacrifice'. Don't try to cry the pain away. Don't let it eat me up. No, bring it to His feet. Bow before Him saying, 'Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord'. You and I Jesus, we can carry this pain. One day, You will make all things right. Until then, I know that young man who struggles to find his way, and that little boy crying, 'daddy', and my hurting heart are in Your hands.
"Gather my limping one, O Father. Gather him in and reverse his captivity. You are good and faithful. You do ALL things well, in this I rest today, at Your feet, trusting You."

I will gather those belonging to you . . .Behold, at that time I will deal with all those who afflict you; I will save the limping [ones] and gather the outcasts and will make them a praise and a name in every land of their shame. At that time I will bring you in; yes, at that time I will gather you, for I will make you a name and a praise among all the nations of the earth when I reverse your captivity before your eyes, says the Lord. (Zeph. 3:18-20)


Valerie said...

Thank you for sharing your heart so faithfully! Praying for your mamma's heart and that you will find peace in the midst of the pain. The Lord hears the cries of the child AND the mamma's heart. It's SO hard to watch our kids make choices that we know will eventually cause them (and us) pain. Thankfully we don't have to walk this alone...we have a loving Heavenly Father that is so much bigger than all of it and sees so much farther than we can ever see. HE knows and sees...I often find peace in that. Praying for you...for him and that God would bless you both!

Farmgirl Cyn said...

I share your pain as I see my own children make such unwise choices. Choices that will forever follow them. We grieve together, with millions of other moms who also share our pain. And, as you say, we must lay it at the foot of the Cross. HIS yoke is easy. HIS burden is light. And we trust Him.

Blessings to you, dear friend,

Lady Helen Mar said...

Oh, I am so sorry! Thank you for posting this though. It really helps!
Through Christ,

Linda said...

Michelle...my heart hurts for you..for your son...and for your grandson. I know a similar pain.

My youngest daughter had four kids when she and her husband divorced 6yrs. ago. For awhile we didn't notice that it affected the kids too much, but as the years went by it is so evident that the kids have been affected...and are continuing to be affected by the sins on both of their parents side.

Now the two boys are teenagers and are acting out in rebellion. Even the girls who are 10 and 12 are doing things they shouldn't.

My daughter has just now got out of a bad relationship where she and the kids were living with a man who was not a Christian....and a very bad choice for her.

And now she has found a new guy who seems nice...but is not a Christian. My daughter claims to be a Christian but doesn't seem to make Christ a priority in her life.

Ugh...it is so hard as a mom and grandma to see the problems and not be able to fix them. She has never taken my advice...and pushes me away...and even blames me for her wrong doing?!?

My husband and I pray everyday for all of them. And we help when we are needed. Aside from that we have to just give them all to God. Yet...as you say...my heart is often sad too.

Our God is bigger than our emotions and God is bigger than all of the pain. And He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think!

I pray He will help our loved ones and draw them to Himself.

Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

Regan Family Farm said...

Oh friend...I wish I could hug you and love on you, but in the distance, I'll be praying for you and "the limping one", and the little one missing his daddy. Beautiful words from the Saviour...
Love you!!!

Huskerbabe said...

This hit very close to home for me. I was talking with God about it just last night. And I see that I have failed to pray for her as I should because I was hurting so much I didn't want to think about her. But God reminded me that I need to pray for my daughter and precious little granddaughter. It's so hard isn't it?
Thank you for sharing that verse, I'm off to bookmark it in my Bible.

elaine said...

Your blog has been such a blessing to me in so many ways. I want to encourage you with a personal testimony and I also want to lift your arms up in the battle. Don't forget that you have just come through something so powerful - only by the might and power of God's Word. You have testified of it and who would come "immediately" to steal that word?? In a way, this attack doesn't even surprise me.
I have prayed a wayward daughter back and wanted to send a word of encouragement and love your way. I haven't gone thru the exact kind of pain you are experiencing but did go through a very rough season with my eldest daughter a couple of years ago. One day the Lord impressed upon me the POWER I have to pray the Word over my children. As their parents, I have authority. And, something big rose up on the inside of me and I stuck my finger in the air and said, "satan - you have just made the wrong woman mad!" I realized I had been talking to the wrong person (trying to rationalize with an irrational teen)!! I got my Bible and a couple of reference books out and found the promises about my children and I began to speak those Words forth. I stopped wringing my hands and calling my friends with all my worried talk. And, I stopped giving the devil my words of defeat and instead I began prophesying my children's future ... they have a heart of soft, moldable clay and not a heart of stone ... they hear the voice of their Shepherd and the voice of a stranger they will never follow ... there is a God-sized hole in them that only the Lord can fill and they hunger and thirst for Him and Him only ... Jeremiah 29:11 ... You can't imagine how quickly things began to turn around - it was truly a miracle. But, it started because momma prayed :) God Bless you and your beautiful family. And, now I'll prophesy over you ... your children shall rise up and call you blessed!
That same daughter graduated Bible College and has just returned from her 4th mission trip and is home on a quick visit to see us. She loves the Lord, she loves us and thanks us for standing for her. Be strong and of good courage ... this battle is the Lord's!!! Hallelujah!

Mrs. White said...

Very precious post. I also loved reading all the comments. So encouraging and yet heartbreaking!

I am your newest follower!

Mrs. White

Josh said...

Hi Mrs. Gryzbowski~
Just read this and am praying for you, your prodigal, and the little guy missing his daddy... I was just thinking about the parable of the "Prodigal Son" the other day and was just struck by how God worked in such a powerful way. God can reach people and He is also listening to your prayers (and ours)...

One of my favorite verses:

"If my people who are called by my Name will HUMBLE THEMSELVES and PRAY, and SEEK MY FACE and TURN FROM THEIR WICKED WAYS, then I will HEAR from heaven and FORGIVE their sins and HEAL their land."
2 Chronicles 7:14

There IS redemption in Jesus Christ and I am praying for you and your wayward arrow!

Sending prayers to Jesus and a hug to you,

TW-US said...

We have been there and back. The Lord showed my husband what to do every step of the way, or we could not have done it. I'm glad you are not giving up.