Have You Forgiven Him?

Is it possible there is a root of bitterness buried deep within your heart? Do you have unforgiveness towards your husband? You absolutely must forgive your husband (everyone else too, but today we are talking about our husbands). Forgiveness is commanded by your Father. It is not an option. . .

Please join me for the rest of this important post over At The Well

Do Unto Others . . .

I am going to assume your husband is not perfect. Safe assumption? . . . Come read the rest of the story over At The Well.

My Train Has Crashed!

For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. (1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

These verses have convicted me lately. On a good day, they can sound all romantic and flowery. But on a day when I think that I have a better idea, it is not so pretty. Trust me.

A very dear and Godly woman shared that marriage was not about me on my own train, Brian on his, the both of us side by side on the tracks of life riding off into the sunset happily ever after. Not so! Once I married Brian, my train had actually crashed! I was now on his train. . . to read the ‘rest of the story’, head on over to “At The Well”.

Love Heals

Our past, it’s not pretty. We don’t deserve the love we share, the pure and holy marriage bed. Experts say there should be problems, people with pasts like ours have ‘issues’ in marriage, especially the bedroom.

Love really does cover and heal. Perfect love does. No, we have not loved perfectly, but He does, our Father does.

He has loved through each of us to bring healing and wholeness to each other.

His love through Brian has ‘covered’ and healed years of shame, guilt and unworthiness. Loved this woman through twenty-three years of ups and some very, very significant downs.

Loved this body that has been stretched to full capacity nine times. Found beauty and satisfaction amidst all the lines, curves, rolls and sags.

Has tenderly wiped many a tear, held close when all was crushing in.

He has laughed and teased and chased.

He is a vessel which my Father uses to love me whole.

It is no wonder that times of intimacy are fraught with tears. For this bed is holy, beautiful, healing. Tears heal. I can hardly fathom the depth of love, the ache to be one. Every pore longs to be one with him. So raw, so complete. My tears gently fall onto his face. Love heals, love completes. Holy. Beautiful. Whole.

“And the two shall become one”

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments (His decisions)! And how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways (His methods, His paths)!” (Romans 11:33)

Ungodly Order in the Home

One of our children has stuttered since as far back as we can remember. In the past couple of months we have been studying out the spiritual roots to stuttering and one of them is "ungodly order in the home; matriarchal control/passive male". We began to search our hearts and pray, asking our Father to show us any areas that we needed to submit to Him.

We have certainly come a long way in 22 years, but there were still a few areas that needed to be dealt with. As we listened to teachings and studied this out, here are a few things that really spoke to me.

Fear is always behind a woman controlling or domineering in a marriage. Fear they won't do it right, or good enough. Fear they won't lead. Fear of the consequences if they don't do what we think they should. We, as women, are responders and are created to follow our husbands. Without fear, that is what we long to do. Fear comes in either generationally or in our current generation and perverts our thinking. We don't know what else to do except to take the lead. It might not be in all areas, it might just be one little area or several 'little' areas. Fear must be repented of and removed if we have any hope of submitting to our husbands and allowing them to rise up to be the men God created them to be.

No matter how strong the husband is, if the wife is controlling and usurping his authority, he simply CANNOT be the leader God intended for him to be. It's not that he doesn't want to, it is that he CANNOT! The wife essentially stands in the way of him being the leader.

A few things to keep in mind. Most men do NOT have a godly example of how to be the husbands God had in mind. They may actually come from a long line of passive males that have been dominated by fearful, controlling women. They need our mercy, grace and forgiveness, not our frustration and scorn. They need us to lovingly get out of the way, not with resentment, but with true repentance and love.

When I was really seeking the Lord on this, He began to show me little areas that I was in fear over and therefore refused to follow, and even tried (in vain) to control. It wasn't outwardly obvious. Most people who know me well would not classify me as a 'controlling, domineering woman', but it was there, under the surface.

Finally one day I threw myself on my bed and cried out to God. I repented for the fear that had driven me. I repented for taking control in certain areas. I repented for standing in the way of Brian becoming the leader God created him to be. I released him to the Father, to mold and make him into the man He created, no matter what that would look like.

I then went to Brian and repented, through tears, for controlling things, for wrong thoughts towards him, for feeling like he never did it good enough because it wasn't the way "I" wanted it done, for all the areas that our marriage was out of order because of my fear. I released him from my fearful grip into our loving Father's hands.

It felt so good to not have to carry all those things I 'thought' I had to carry. They were all lies. Brian is an awesome husband, father and leader. He always has been, I have just believed lies in certain areas and by doing so have kept him from being the true leader of this family.

A couple of testimonies that have come out of this is one, our son had been healed and delivered of his stuttering. It is so awesome to hear him speak sentence after sentence without one stutter! (there was more to his healing than just this particular issue)

Two, it seems as though Brian actually has been freed up to be the leader of this family in ways he never was able to be before because of my fears! Like I said, he has always been awesome, but something has shifted in the heavenlies and it is beautiful to behold. I keep telling him the I feel so 'shepherded' by him. I think he sometimes thinks I am crazy because he doesn't really 'feel' all that different. A very cool thing that happened while we were in Georgia was that after I told him that I felt he was doing an awesome job and we felt so 'shepherded', a stranger came up to him and told him he had been observing Brian and saw what a great job he does at being the shepherd of his family! Isn't God so cool?!

(I am speaking somewhat generally here and in no way do I think it is 'just that easy'. I am aware of some pretty horrific marriage situations and I do not intend for this to bring condemnation or come across as a light hearted fix-all. My heart truly aches for those of you who are in these extremely difficult circumstances. My prayer is that the Father lovingly show you your heart and give you grace to trust Him with your circumstances.)

Perhaps

When I see the weakness in each of our lives . . .
when I see the sin, sometimes so glaring . . .
I marvel, shake my head and stand in awe . . .
how can it be that the two of us would be gifted with this marriage?



Perhaps our Father is showing He will have mercy on whom He will have mercy?



Perhaps it is yet another example of free grace, totally unmerited?



Perhaps we will never know, fully, why He would choose two thoroughly broken sinful people and put them together making one 'whole'.



One thing I do know, I am humbled, awestruck and forever thankful for this gift ~ the gift of this marriage.

Happy Anniversary, my love! It sometimes seems insane, the love we have for each other, but we both know Who gets the glory for this, don't we?

Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to Your name give glory, for Your mercy and loving kindness and for the sake of Your truth and faithfulness! (Psalm 115:1)

It Finally Happened, I Repented First!

We ran a bunch of errands last night. Everyone was tired, some little ones crabby. Dear husband was graciously going from place to place so I could find some things I needed. We even went to Walmart, which I don't like and he DESPISES. He so sweetly helped me find what I needed, even bringing me different sizes to the dressing room. Did I mention he despises Walmart???

This man works all day, comes home and is rushed out the door. Handles all of the children so I can get what I need done. All the while just laying down his will. Dealing with a very tired and unreasonable almost 3 year old, again, so I can get what I need. Big trip to Costco, in and out of other stores.

We get home late. Children are not getting to bed as they should. He is the one who puts the children to bed, so the burden of all this is on him. He is growing impatient and is not handling things as perfectly as I think he should.

Recap, worked all day, rushed out the door for a trip that mostly revolved around ME, crabby children, all eight of them with us, confusion and chaos that just comes with a large family, a slightly less than supportive wife, Costco products everywhere, children not in bed when they should be, late at night, bible to read . . . you get the picture, right?

I am about to tell you how this SHOULD be handled and then how I actually DID handle it!

When he grew impatient and was beginning to 'lose it', I should have come along side him and helped him out! I should have said, 'it's okay, I have this one'. Pulled him aside and quietly given him some facts he didn't have on a situation so he might handle it differently.

How DID I handle it?

I continued going about what I needed to do and then, when he needed my support most, snapped (rather harshly) "Just an FYI . . . so and so really did this, not what you thought!"

AWFUL!

But here is the really encouraging and redeeming thing in this whole yucky story. I was immediately convicted of how awful I was and what a horrible example I just was for the older children just sitting there with jaws dropped. Thank You, Holy Spirit! In the shower I was praying that God would soften my heart, make me able to separate him from the sin, go and repent to him. I didn't 'feel' anything different, as usual.

I got out the shower marched in the bedroom and without even thinking went right up to him and repented for being so harsh and not being his help meet in that situation. It was a very tender moment, we cried and prayed. I went out and repented to my children for my behaviour.

But wait! It gets better! Later, he said to me, "you melted my heart earlier". I was oblivious to what he was talking about. He said, "that was the first time you came to me first with a softened heart and repented to me."

OUCH! He was right. He ALWAYS repents first. I don't like that about me. I feel awful that it has always been that way. I've tried to, I pray, even in the middle of my hardness of heart and I can't ever seem to 'let it go'. But tonight was different! God had done something in my heart. Something broke, finally.

And to add just one more really cool aspect. Just that morning the Lord had showed me some areas of self-hatred, guilt and shame that I repented of and renounced. Normally, when Brian would share something like this with me, I would feel just awful about it and beat myself up for a very long time. Lament about how I wish I was different and apologize over and over again. Well, I started down that road and immediately recognized the self-hatred, guilt and shame and refused to go down under it! I chose to praise God instead of beat myself up and break the old pattern of thinking!

Two HUGE patterns were broken last night! I am not sure I will always handle it right, but in both of these scenarios it was a huge breakthrough. Maybe next time I might even get my focus off myself before a blow-up even happens. There is a novel idea ;-)

Press in ladies, continue to seek Jesus, trust HE is changing us from glory to glory!

I'm Over Here Today . . .

Good Morning Ladies, thought I would let you know that I have a post on marriage over At The Well today. Head on over and find out about one of our husband's vital needs. In my humble opinion, of course ;-)

Flirting 101

Today I hope to touch upon a subject that is very near and dear to my heart, as well as my husband’s. We have so much fun in our marriage and we both think fun is important in a marriage. This subject can be a bit sensitive and some might find it uncomfortable to talk about, but I am going to take the risk because I feel it is so important.

I want you to know right up front that I believe that the marriage bed is an unbelievable gift that is holy and pure. I pray what I write today will reflect that.

My husband and I flirt, I mean a lot of flirting! (with each other, of course!) It makes our marriage so much fun, and the intimacy only grows between us. When I say intimacy, I mean the closeness and oneness between a married couple, not just what happens in bed.

Below are just some suggestions of how to incorporate ‘flirting’ in your marriage. You know your husband better than anybody, what works for one might not work for others. I am merely suggesting that you prayerfully find ways to ‘flirt’ with your man!

Flirting 101

Passionate kissing! Find moments to surprise your husband with a passionate kiss. Maybe on his way out the door in the morning. Imagine his surprise if you never do this! F.Y.I., brush teeth first.

Love notes/emails are a way to let him know you are thinking about him. We used to write love notes to each other all the time, we still do some, but emails come in handy too. Don’t be afraid to have a little fun with these. You can always ‘destroy the evidence’ if need be. (wink) Sometimes it is easier to write things that we might be uncomfortable saying. Things we might like to do, or have him do. Be romantic, it is okay to make him blush!

‘Flirty looks.’ Apparently I have what my husband calls a ’saucy, come hither look.’ He loves when I cast him one of these from across the room. You should see the smile on his face.

Dance in the kitchen, the living room, where ever! We have been known to grab the other person right there in the middle of making hash browns and eggs, spatula in hand and all, and just start dancing! He has even dipped me a few times. I squeal with surprise and the children all laugh and get excited. They see all the time that Mama and Papa love each other so much!

Whisper ’sweet naughties,’ I mean ’sweet nothings’ in his ear. Use your imagination and don’t be shy, as long as you make sure nobody else is listening.

We have lots of ‘private’ words. They are just normal words, with special meaning. Nobody has a clue what we mean, it is our little secret. I of course can’t tell you them because they are secret. Are there words that only the two of you know the real meaning of?

Be hands on! Touch him more. It might be a simple, gentle stroke on his shoulder or a tousle of his hair, (if he has hair . Or, if nobody is looking, you might think of other places you could touch. Sometimes you will find us walking closely together at the store, even just brushing up against each other, so casually and non-chalantly, of course. This is a good time for that ’saucy, come hither look.’

Admire his physique. This is easy, yes? Find something you like about his body and let him know you like it! I will grab hold of his arm and swoon over his ‘guns,’ as we call them. Maybe it is his derriere, or legs or smile, whatever! Frequently tell him how simply amazing he is!

Initiate a game of chase. We do this and somehow he catches me right at our bed and we plop down in each others arms laughing and kissing. Of course, in a millisecond we can occasionally have several small children on top of us. Everybody is laughing and squealing with delight.

Shower together. We have ‘grown’ into this one. I can promise you that in our early marriage I would not be caught naked, in the bathroom, with Brian, with the lights on! I promise. But, as our marriage has grown and walls have come down, we love a long, hot shower together!

We have found recently that we talk or reminisce about our times of intimacy. We have also noticed at times we are doing more talking about times of intimacy than we are having times of intimacy, if you know what I mean. Funny thing is, it seems like we are having more times of intimacy because of all the talking! Works for me The whole next day we might be reminding each other of certain things, or thanking the other for certain things. You get the idea, right?

Okay, I am going to step out just a little bit more here. I want to talk to you about how us women dress. I mean under our clothes or when we go to bed. I am all for modesty in all ways! But, I do think there is value in being just a little bit ‘immodest’ under our clothing. Do you know what I mean? I don’t think there is anything ungodly or unholy about swapping out the stained, cotton, ten year old nursing bra for a pretty, lacy little number for date night! Or, some slightly uncomfortable little dainties to wear under your very modest skirt or dress.

Also, there is nothing wrong with having an especially ‘immodest’ nightie to wear on special occasions. Hide it under your big fluffy robe while the children are still awake and then give him a peek before you crawl into bed. You do know that men are very visual, right? I really do believe we can do these types of things in a tasteful and pure way.

Now, procuring these items are a bit difficult for a home schooling, mama of nine! I mean really, how comfortable is it to even buy bras at your local department store? Now, this crazy woman wants you to go buy little, lacy dainties? It can be done ladies, just be careful not to tuck them in your coat on the way to check out for fear you might get stopped by a security guard! Also, leave the children at home and wash your dainties secretly, I mean separately. Just a little FYI.

This concludes our lesson on Flirting 101. If you have any questions or suggestions of your own, please feel free to leave a comment or email me personally. Please don’t throw any tomatoes, I am just sharing my heart here. I am fully aware that we all come from different backgrounds, have unique marriages, and different levels of convictions. Trust God, your heart, and your husband’s wishes, not mine.

This was also not meant to put one more ‘burden’ on your already full plate, just a way to encourage some ‘fun.’ I personally find it is much easier to ‘be in the mood’ more often when my mind is there, and flirting is one way to put it there. Blessings and love!


Michelle

Amazing Gift of Marriage

Today, I want to praise and glorify God for an amazing gift He has given me. You see, besides the incomprehensible gift of salvation through His Son Jesus Christ, for which I am so thankful, the gift of marriage is the biggest and most wonderful gift He has given me.

1 Peter 3:2

". . . your [a] reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. "

As I attempt to praise, honor, esteem, appreciate and adore my husband, let me preface it all by saying I recognize that anything good or worthy of praise in him is from the Lord. And let me tell you that Brian would be the first to tell you "it's not him, it's the Lord". So, all praise and glory goes to God the Father and Jesus Christ, His Son.

When I met this man I was a scared and hurting little girl in a grown up body. I had spent several years chasing after and longing for love. I desperately wanted to be loved and cherished. I made countless poor choices that left the wounds in my heart only deeper and the ache only stronger. A very broken person.

Brian, equally broken and desperate to be loved, took notice of the 'cute little waitress with the beautiful smile'. (his words) He pursued, I feigned ambivalence. I was unwilling to reveal my attraction to him for fear of falling into my old patterns. It didn't last long though, it became apparent very quickly something huge was growing.

As we look back, we see how God took two broken individuals with unique and jagged edges and put us together to make us ONE. One whole from two broken, so perfectly fitted together.

There is much grace and redemption woven throughout our love story. I hope to someday write it all down, it is beyond beautiful. Praise to the Lord.

Today I want to share just a little of how God uses this man to love and heal and mend that little girl's wounded heart.

Brian truly lays down his life for me everyday. He serves me, loves me and encourages me.

He listens to my heart, really listens. I talk a lot! We share everything with each other. There is nothing we don't talk about. No matter how 'personal', how intimate or vulnerable, no topic or feeling is excluded in what we talk about. He not only listens, but he really hears my heart, and he still loves me.

I came with a lot of insecurities about myself physically and intellectually. He has adored this body of mine through numerous pregnancies and many ups and downs on the scale. He even loves the road map of stretchmarks and c-section scars, assuring me that they represent our love manifest in each one of our children. When I wanted to hide, he pulled me into the light and assured me of his love and acceptance.

When I felt so dumb compared to others and even him, he believed I was smart and would tell me so. I've grown to believe that I am not so dumb after all.

He protects me from others and even myself, when needed. He defends me fiercely and guards me vigilantly. When he sees me choosing a path that could harm me, he gently lets me know and encourages redirection.

He serves and blesses me in so many ways. This man 'draws' a shower for me every night, makes sure I have towels, and while I shower, he fills my cups that hold my supplements for the next day.

He puts toothpaste on my toothbrush each morning. Most mornings he prepares my tea and makes sure I get to my quiet time. Which, by the way, he recognizes as essential to my well being and always encourages it and lets me have as much time as I need. I feel, at least in part, this is him 'washing me with the water of the word'.

Through many pregnancies, births and surgeries he prays for me, holds my hand, wipes my brow, even showering me after my surgeries when I am in too much pain to do it myself. He prays for me each morning, with me before he leaves for work, and anytime I am crying, in pain or just plain losing it!

He is such a man of his word. His integrity is something I have admired since the day I met him. He is my 'steady' man, strong and faithful. He bears my burdens with me. He picks me up when I have fallen.

He will be very uncomfortable with this post because he will be saying "yes, but . . ." at each paragraph. He is well aware of his shortcomings and weaknesses. I am aware of them too, I am not trying to say this man is perfect, he is not. But, I will tell you that he is perfect for me!

As I read back over this post, what keeps coming to my mind is 'husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church'. This is what this flawed husband seeks to do, and does very well, everyday of his life. I see so much of my Father's character in him, love, acceptance, strength, wisdom, faithfulness. . .

I am at a loss for words to describe the depth of my thankfulness to my merciful Father for the gift of this marriage. I fall to my knees, remembering that scared and wounded little girl, who still, in part, resides within me, and praise and worship You, O Lord, for Your goodness poured out to me in Brian.

This is by no means an exhaustive description of the wonder of this man to me, just a little glimpse into the beauty of this amazing gift of marriage.

Happy Anniversary, Honey. I love you . . . ALWAYS!

Marriage Monday: Love

I wondered if the Lord would give me something to share today, and as I read this devotional out of Springs in the Valley, I felt it was perfect for Marriage Monday. I feel the truth revealed in this story would work on any hardened heart or strained relationship. I have often thought of this concept being used on one of my children at a difficult stage, but today, let's think of our husbands, and winning them with love.

"The greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13)

"I'll master it!" said the axe; and his blows fell heavily on the iron. And every blow made his edge more blunt till he ceased to strike.

"Leave it to me!" said the saw; and with his relentless teeth he worked backward and forward on its surface till his teeth were worn down and broken, and he fell aside.

"Ha, ha!" said the hammer, "I knew you wouldn't succeed! I'll show you the way!" But at the first fierce stroke off flew his head, and the iron remained as before.

"Shall I try?" asked the still, small flame.

They all despised the flame, but he curled gently around the iron and embraced it, and never left it till it melted under his irresistible influence.

Hard indeed is the heart that can resist love.

"And now abideth faith, hope, love. . . the greatest of these is love."

(Springs in the Valley, compilied by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman)

I so can see myself in the axe, the saw and the hammer! Trying with all my might to soften the hardened heart or change the situation. How much more effective to 'curl gently around and embrace. . .until it melted under the irristible influence'?

Lord Jesus, thank You for Your love that has been shed abroad in our hearts. By Your grace, enable us to love those around us, especially our husbands.

Marriage Monday: "Rooted in Christ"

This a quote from the book I mentioned before called,

"The Christian Family" by Larry Christenson

I once again whole heartedly recommend it.

A wife is more than a mother, housekeeper, cook, counselor, and chauffeur.

She will not find the deep places of her heart satisfied with bowling, bridge,

PTA meetings, or even church work. On the other hand,

if her sole source of happiness lies in her husband of her children,

she is also doomed to disappointment.

God did not intend us to find satisfaction a part from Himself.

A wife who puts Jesus first will be a joy both to her ‘lord’ and to her Lord! (See I Peter 3:6.)

A radiant wife, who once sought escape in intellectual pursuits,

recently disclosed her secret for finding fulfillment in life:

"It’s doing what Jesus wants me to do!"

She went on to say that Jesus can change out attitudes;

He can even change the routine tasks that were once a drudgery into a joy.

"Be rooted in Christ, not in your husband;

then you are free to be a worthwhile person,

a good wife."

Jesus gives you the invitation to take your anxieties to the cross,

and to leave the reforming of your husband in God’s hands.

The wife who is trusting God is not nagging her husband.

I loved what he said about needing to find our sole satisfaction in Christ alone. If we tend to idolize our husbands, we place a burden on them they were not meant to bear. This does not mean that we cannot lean on them and be incredibly one with them, it just means we had better not make 'gods' of them.

Be rooted in Christ, not your husband . . .brilliant!

Marriage Monday "Receiving So He Can Give"

When talking about marriage, much of the teaching is on encouraging women in all the practical things they can do, or ways to 'give' to be a good help meet. This is extremely important, but I think there is another side to this that just might get overlooked. I know this might not speak to every woman, because each of our husbands and marriages are so different, but I'll share, none the less, seeing as how it is a struggle of mine. ;-)

As women, wives, and mamas, we are 'givers' by nature. God made us this way so we could fulfill our roles.

But what about receiving? This can be very hard for some women. If our husbands are to fulfill their calling in life, we are going to have to do our share of receiving. They cannot love us fully if we do not receive it. They cannot lay down their lives for us fully if we do not receive it. By being stoic, or prideful, or whatever, it is this that keeps us from 'receiving' from our husbands. We are actually hindering them from living out God's will for their lives.

This is a big one for me, especially right now as I deal with some pretty big health issues. I am supposed to be the one running this house, and not from bed, thank you very much! He desires to serve our family; to lay down his life, but I resist it. I think, for me, it boils down to pride, at least in part. I should be able to do this! It is stiff-necked rebellion really; refusing to surrender to God in this. And really, all that pride and angst is doing nothing to help my husband.

What about when he tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world? Should my response be one of disbelief and refusing to accept it?

What about his encouraging words regarding my role as a mama? Should I roll my eyes and resist his words?

I recently read a post from a woman who asked her husband on their anniversary what she could do to be a better wife. She waited nervously for his answer. You know what his answer was?

"When I tell you you are beautiful, believe me."

"When I tell you that you are the best mom, believe me, receive it."

In other words, humbly receive his love! Wow! Not be a better cook, clean more, be more patient with the kids, be intimate more often, but receive his love!

When I told my husband this story, he so understood it. It's what he has been saying for years! ;-)

Do you struggle to 'receive' from your husband? I touched on only a few examples in this post, as well as, only a few reasons why we struggle with this. For many of us it goes way deeper, but Jesus can heal the wounds and past disappointments if we go to Him. Have you ever considered that when you resist your husband's desire to love and serve you it is actually hindering him, not helping him?

Marriage Monday "Your Tips"

For today's installment of Marriage Monday I am asking you all to help out and share a testimony or tip you have about marriage.



I would love to hear your heart on this most wonderful subject, as I am sure others do too. Let's pool the resources of wisdom out there and encourage one another in the heart of Titus 2!







Maybe you have a testimony of a struggle you have found victory over in your marriage.



Maybe you have a tip or two you could share.



Anything on your heart regarding marriage would be a blessing. You can leave your thoughts in the comment section or link to your own blog.



My little tip of the day is:



Try to greet your husband at the end of his work day with a smile, hug and kiss. I realize some days this seems nearly impossible, but try to put your own 'self' on the back burner and cheerfully greet him. Also, it would be really sweet if you could refrain from dumping the burdens of your day on him, at least until he comes in the door. ;-)

I am looking forward to hearing from your heart. Thank you!

Marriage Monday "Carrying Out God's Plan"

This is a really great quote from a book my husband is reading called, The Christian Family by Larry Christenson. (Actually it is Larry Christenson quoting Peter Marshall) This book is amazing. We have read SO many books on parenting and family, and I would have to say that this is probably in the top two or three all time favorites! It is an older book, from 1970, but can be found used on Amazon. I highly recommend it.

‘A Good Wife. . . More Precious Than Jewels”

In A Man Called Peter’, Catherine Marshall tells how her late husband tended to put women on a pedestal. She quotes the following from one of his sermons:

“Modern girls argue that they have to earn an income,

in order to establish a home, which would be impossible on their husband’s income.

That is sometimes the case, but it must always be viewed as a regrettable necessity,

never as the normal or natural thing for a wife to have to do.

The average woman, if she gives her full time to her home,

her husband, her children . . .

If she tries to understand her husband’s work. .

to curb his egotism while,

at the same time, building up his self-esteem,

to kill his masculine conceit while encouraging all his hopes,

to establish around the family a circle of true friends . . .

If she provides in the home a proper atmosphere of culture,

of love of music, of beautiful furniture and of a garden. . .

If she can do all this,

she will be engaged in a life work that will demand every ounce of her strength,

every bit of her patience, every talent God has given her,

the utmost sacrifice of her love.

It will demand everything she has and more.

And she will find that for which she was created.

She will know that she is carrying out the plan of God.

She will be a partner with the Sovereign Ruler of the universe.”

I also thought this post went great with the post I wrote for

"At the Well. . . In Pursuit of Titus 2" today.

Please go check it out and maybe share a little of your "journey home".

Marriage Monday "Controlling Our Thoughts"

We can choose what we think about. God's word tells us to take out thoughts captive in 2 Corinthians 10. In Philippians, Paul encourages us, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

While we might not be able to always choose what thoughts pop into our minds, we can choose what to do with them!

Let's look at different types of thoughts that find their way into our minds and see what we can do to turn them around.

Thoughts about his weaknesses:

Let's face it, as much as we love our husbands, they do have a few (or many) weaknesses. (Let's not forget we do too;-) If we allow ourselves to meditate on all their weaknesses, I believe they will only be magnified in our minds. The second you find yourself zeroing in on his faults, stop right there and choose to focus on his strengths. Make a list of his strengths, if you have to, and pull it out when needed.

Complaining thoughts:

These types of thoughts seem to naturally follow the previous type because usually it is their weaknesses we are complaining about. As soon as you realize you are complaining in your head about him, stop it immediately! Take those sinful thoughts captive and replace it with thankful thoughts. If we just took half a second, took our eyes off of ourselves, we could come up with a multitude of things to be thankful for.

Comparing thoughts:

Never, ever do it! Don't allow it for one second. It only sows a seed of discontent! Take hold of those thoughts and bring them into submission. Praise God for the man He has given you!

Negative thoughts:

Once you begin to look for these, they are easy to spot. They just make you feel all yucky, your shoulders start to slump, your face gets a bit grumpy looking and your heart feels heavy. Let me just say again, we can choose what we think about. Whatever that negative thought is, find a positive one to replace it with.

It is amazing to me how my mind can actually determine what kind of day I am going to have, or what kind of attitude I have. When I find myself having a bad day, mad at my husband or children, discouraged or in despair for that matter, I can pretty much trace it back to that wonderful thing called my mind! We are not victims, held hostage by our thoughts, we can choose! I am not saying it is easy, but we can have victory in this area. At times, I have had to grab my head and out loud tell it what to think!

Grab your bible, make lists of things about your husband you are thankful for, write out your husband's strengths, do whatever it takes, do not let your thoughts erode away at your marriage.

"A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands."

Lord Jesus, reveal to us where we foolishly entertain wrong thoughts about our husbands. Give us wisdom to replace those wrong thoughts with Godly, edifying thoughts.

Marriage Monday "Be His Cheerleader!"

Our husbands need us to encourage and lift them up. The last thing they need is a wife to come along side them and point out all their flaws! Chances are good they are well aware of their mistakes and even heavy-hearted about them.

As men, leaders, and providers they carry A LOT of responsibilities and burdens. As wives, we have a powerful influence in their lives. We can tear them down or we can build them up!

Let's submit our cares and concerns for our husband's weaknesses to God and trust Him with them.

We can be positively persuaded that God will keep that which we commit to Him! (2 Tim. 1:12)

And then, come along side them and encourage, edify, and build them up! Let the Holy Spirit do His work and let's do ours, okay?

ENCOURAGE . . . . EDIFY . . . .SUPPORT . . . . BUILD UP!!

Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing.

. . . encourage the timid and fainthearted, help and give your support to the weak souls, [and] be very patient with everybody [always keeping your temper].

(1 Thess. 5:11,14)

Lord Jesus, give us divine wisdom on how to build up and encourage our husbands. By Your Holy Spirit, convict us of those times when we are trying to do Your work. Enable us to love and support instead of tear down. Make us like the wise woman who builds her home instead of tears it down.

Marriage Monday "Principle of Unity"

Today I wanted to share a principle that we use in our marriage regarding decision making. I was reminded of it as we are possibly looking at some HUGE changes for our family right now and we are seeking the Lord with fervor as we want to know His perfect will for us.

I am talking about what I will call the 'principle of unity'. Every huge decision, most medium to big decisions and even many smaller decisions we use this principle. We believe the Lord leads us through His word, the Spirit, circumstances and this 'principle of unity'.

We have committed to not moving on something big unless the Lord brings us into agreement. We trust that if there is no peace between us than that is the Lord guiding us. There have been countless things that I was so sure of, that Brian was not, so we didn't do it. I can honestly say many of those times the Lord has graciously showed me why it wasn't the best for us. When we just can't seem to agree on something we take a step back from our desires and look to God to guide us. We almost always see that later He brought us into agreement, fine tuned our desires and led us to His best.

A good friend encouraged me recently to not let this 'lack of unity' frustrate me. It is easy to get frustrated when he looks at something I think is too big, too small, too much, or too whatever. But I need to rest in God and trust Him to line us up at the right time. We marvel at how He uses this 'disunity' to steer us to the right path.

While I am fully submitted to Brian as the head of our home and would submit even one of these huge decisions to him if he asked, we see this as living out the verse:

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21)

And I can say that if he did require me to just submit to his decision even if I didn't agree I could trust that that is exactly what God would want me to do and even if it turned out to be a bad decision, God would work it out for our good.

It is a mutual respect, a humbling of ourselves and a submitting to God to lead us.

I understand that not all marriages work this way and I am in no way encouraging us women to stand up to our husbands and demand that we be heard. If this is not how you and your husband makes decisions, it is not your job to make it so, okay? This is just a principle that works for us.

Also, we do not use this principle to 'hold out till the other one cave', it is just a way of letting the Lord lead us through our unity.

Lord Jesus, teach us to humble ourselves to You and to our husbands. Helps us to not push our agenda and to wait for Yours.

Marriage Monday "Meeting His Needs"

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

Continuing on with the theme from last week about us "being created for him", I thought to touch on a sensitive and private subject.

In our effort to be wise women and true help meets, we need to seek to know what our husband's needs are in all areas. We have discussed other areas in previous posts, but today I want to gently remind us to discover their needs concerning intimacy and seek to meet them.

Chances are their needs are probably a little different than ours, especially with all the ups and downs of hormones, births of babies, breastfeeding, as well as all the demands of being a mama and a a keeper of the home. Not to mention, God wired them differently than us, and that is a good thing! But, let's not use all these as an excuse to become focused on ourselves.

Over the years I have learned a lot. I have been blessed by a very patient husband. We both had loads of baggage brought into our marriage from past sinful relationships. It has not always been easy, but God's mercy is so amazing! We often marvel at how special and blessed our marriage bed is, because we certainly do not deserve it based on our prior choices.

One thing that has helped me, by God's grace, is take my eyes off of me and how 'I' am 'feeling' and seek to 'love' my husband. I need to recognize his advances are just his God-given desires and needs, as well as his desire to love me, and God made ME to meet them.

I can choose to respond in a selfless way!

I have found if I purpose to please him, my body begins to line up and I soon forget I was tired or had a headache or whatever my excuse was. And you know what, even if it doesn't line up that night, that is still okay, my desire should be to please him!

It is a matter of being self-LESS! It is 'true' love according to 1 Corinthians 13.

I would like to add that this post is meant to encourage us to take our eyes off of ourselves in yet another area. I once heard a message similar to this, only it went to the extreme of putting the burden on the wife, at a time when I was very, very overwhelmed having just had my third baby in less than three years. (numbers 6, 7 and 8, mind you) I was guilt ridden for a very long time over that message. There was no conviction from the Holy Spirit, just condemnation from the enemy. Please, I beg of you, do not let this bring condemnation. If you are in a season of your life that the Lord is NOT speaking to you about this, please just file it for another time. The last thing I intend to do is to bring condemnation or place burdens on you.

Lord Jesus, you have given us an amazing gift in our relationship with our husbands. Help us Lord to give ourselves entirely to our husband. Bring healing where there needs to be healing. Bring conviction where it is needed. Give us wisdom to know what they need and the desire to lay down our lives and truly love them and seek to meet their needs.

Marriage Monday "Created for Him"

For man was not created from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created on account of or for the benefit of woman, but woman on account of and for the benefit of man.

(1 Cor. 11:8, 9)

Let's say you are married to a wonderfully thoughtful man. He truly lays down his life for you in a biblical sense.He loves you greatly and lives to please you, love you and make you happy. He is tender and sweet and almost always considers you, your ideas and desires. Yes, he is sinful, and at times can be selfish like the rest of us, but for the most part he treats you like a queen.

OR

Let's say you are married to a pretty self focused man. While a good husband and father, he is not very considerate of how you feel. He might not really lay down his life for you. He loves you, for sure, but it seems it is always about him, what he wants, what he thinks. He might not be all that tender towards you and your feelings. You may have long ago accepted this and just tend to go you own way.

In both these scenarios, I see the same possible trap that we wives could fall into, just coming from different directions. Here is the trap; it seems easy to become very self focused, that is, me minded.

What struck me about this scripture is that the woman was created for the benefit of man! ( I'm not denying that there is "the man's part" in having a truly godly, biblical marriage, I'm just speaking to us women ;-)

I see in the first picture it being very easy to just, sort of, get into a pattern of letting it be all about 'me' because this type of husband so generously lavishes his love . It can be easy to almost unknowingly take advantage of this and just get lazy about being a benefit to him!

In the second picture, it seems easy to just pull back, harden the heart a little and focus on self because, 'hey no one else is!' Are we staying wrapped up in our own agenda instead of truly seeking to be a benefit to our husbands?

I understand we all fit somewhere in between these two extremes. I also acknowledge some of these issues can be very complex and there may be some serious hurts. I am not trying to be overly simplistic or insensitive to the wounds you may have. I just want to encourage us to remember it's not all about us.

We were actually created for them, not them for us.

Prayerfully search your heart this week and see if there might just be some areas that you have lost sight of why, and for whom, you were created.

Lord Jesus, open the eyes of our understanding. Show us any area that we have become self-focused in our marriage. Thank You for Your beautiful design in marriage and thank you for the opportunity to be a 'benefit' to our husbands.