High-jumper

People like me, we jump really high with our dreams, emotions and hopes.  But we also fall really hard.

Some people, the ones I thought I am supposed to be like, they sort of float somewhere in the middle.  They have good days and bad days, for sure, though they are rarely so far up in the clouds that they forget the law of gravity.  No, that’s reserved for people like me. We have super-great, amazing days and horrible days.

I used to hate that.  Why couldn’t I be like ‘those’ people.  You know, the calm, not overly excitable and not so emotional folks?  They seem to float through their day with ease.

Why?  Because God made me this way. Crazy, passionate, jump off the cliff, whole-hearted.  I’m either all in or I’m not.

Realizing this and embracing it was one of the first steps to peace with myself.  The next step is realizing all of life has balance to it.  You simply cannot live at one end of the spectrum every day, though I suspect I will try to figure out a way to do this before I die.  If you are a ‘high-jumper’, the coming down is always the hard part.  It needs to balance out.

Those other people, you know the ones I always tried to be?  They’re really not that different.  The have joys and sorrows too, they just don’t  hit the ground so hard that they need someone to peel them off the cement.  But neither do they often breathe the thin are at those at those high altitudes that make one all silly and giddy.

I am not at all saying one is better than the other.  God made both.  Us crazy-passionate people need you wise, level-headed, count-the-cost folks.  Someone has to remind us to breathe, to slow, to brace ourselves and to help peel us off the cement.

Just like you need us to challenge and encourage you to dream and jump, and take a chance.

What about you, are you a ‘high-jumper’?

I’m Becoming ME!

I notice that I am becoming ME, who I was created to be, and guess what?  I like me.

I get all giddy when I see some new behavior or example of how much I have changed in the last couple of years, since my healing and deliverance.

The chains have fallen off in so many areas.  So many facets of fear, just keep falling off. I notice it in sometimes silly areas.

Like painting a piece of furniture some really fun color just because I love it.  Silly, I know, but what if it doesn’t sell?  What if nobody else likes it?  What if others think I was foolish for painting it that color?  See, those are old lies that still try to whisper, but no longer have a hold on me.  Fear of man, fear of failure, insecurity, self-doubt.

Purchasing Turquoise cowboy boots.  I mean, what self-respecting home school mama does that??  Not much practical about turquoise cowboy boots. Never mind that I LOVE them and they make my heart go pitter-patter.   I have never owned cowboy boots, never mind turquoise boots!  What will people think?  Too attention-getting?  They cost too much, am I really ‘worth’ it?  I mean, really now, a ‘gift’ for me??  So extravagant? Do you hear them?  Fear of man, insecurity, fear.  The “I somehow need to earn things” syndrome.

Waving wildly at the pizza guy on the street corner holding a sign.  Someone in the van said, ‘wave to the guy’. So I did. Wildly and with a huge smile.  Why not?  I think it is okay to enjoy life!  Life is hard and it hurts, often.  Why not lighten up a little, play, be silly.  Things I NEVER would do in the past.  Well, it’s not grown up and mature.

The children wonder what happened to their mama when she starts dancing in the kitchen, hands in the air, hip-bumping, singing, ‘that’s how we do it, that’s how we do it’.  The children reel with laughter. I continue on until we are all giggling.

Speaking the Truth with love and compassion, but also great boldness.  Taking full advantage of each and every platform the Lord gives to share HIS love.  To pray for the hurting even when it is uncomfortable or appears to be a bit bold.  I don’t care anymore.  I am not concerned with what someone else thinks, or if I will mess up or if I am missing God, or if . . . {fill in the blank}

I have been set free!  Free from so many lies.  In those moments when I can be a little crazy and have a little fun, why not??  I know these examples might seem like trivial things, but they really are not.  They are huge when you realize the freedom they represent.

So, I am far from perfect, which I will always be, but I like who He made me to be!  This alone is huge.  Years of self-hatred are being washed away.  Imagine a world, ladies, where we actually ‘love’ ourselves??  Not some vain, self-conceited, arrogant, ‘love ourselves’.  But one in which we embrace who He made us to be, and call ‘good’ what He has already called good.  What a sadness it must be to Him to have us hate ourselves. 

Repent! And renew your mind with who He says you are.  I promise, your whole perspective will change.

Next time, one teeny, tiny fact that lifted a HUGE burden.

What about you, sister?  Does any of this resonate with your heart?

Embracing the “No”

I am continuing my journey to have the proper perspective, and the Lord seems to delight to show me example after example of how one little twist of my perspective can turn a situation around.

The example I am about to give seems extremely trivial, but the principle is the same.  Trust me when I say I have had to ‘embrace’ the many hard and gut wrenching “No’s” also.  Truth be told, I haven’t always fared that well.  It’s a process.

Brian and I were at a sale for our business and had purchased several things for a really good price.  All that was left that was drawing us were these 3 industrial carts.  They were an amazing price.  They would make our furniture storage and moving of it, so much easier.  I mean, way easier.  We waffled back and forth and decided to walk away, trusting that if they were for us they would be there the next day for less.  We just don’t have room in our operating budget to purchase things that simply make our life easier.  Unless we can turn a profit on it, we just need to wait.

I struggled the whole 24 hours to just trust God. I really, really wanted them.  I found myself having to take deep breaths to calm my tummy.  I would ask Brian if we should just call and get them.  (He is ridiculously good at waiting)  I couldn’t get them out of my mind, but I kept releasing it to God. 

I would say, ‘if these are not from You, I don’t want them.’  But I really wanted them.  Seems trivial, I know.

Here’s the deal. Do I really want something that is not from His hand?  I think of the Israelites, He gave them their request but sent leanness into their souls.  What if the “No” is really a gift?  My almighty Father knows all, the beginning from the end.  Can I trust Him to only give me what is best for me and to bring Him the most glory?

I think of all the “No’s” that seemed so hard.  Sometimes cruel.  Looking back I now see the picture just a little bit clearer.  I would not be who I am today without those ‘No’s’.  I would not have the testimony I do.  I would not have the heart I do for those who are hurting.  I suspect I would be a shallow, know-it-all little brat!

The ‘No’ to keeping those babies we lost to miscarriage has caused me to trust Him in ways I never had before.  They have given me such a deeper appreciation for the gift of children.  My heart is infinitely more sensitive to mamas who have lost babies.  And that love and grace I experienced that February afternoon in the hospital after losing our second baby at 17 weeks, incomparable!  I would do it again in a heartbeat to experience Him in that way.

The ‘No’ to years of a prodigal coming home . . .

The ‘No’ to relief from serious, heart-wrenching situations . . .

The ‘No’ to finding a church all those years . . .

The ‘No’ to financial freedom . . .

The ‘No’ to health for so long . . .

The ‘No’ to . . .

You fill in the blank.  Ladies, His ‘No’ just may be the best thing for us!  Untold treasures are being formed in us.  He knows what is best.  And I have found, that often times, the ‘No’ might just become a ‘yes’ some time later, maybe just in a different form.

What ‘No’ might you need to embrace to bring you peace right now?  I am not talking about just sitting back and taking a whippin’ from the enemy.  I am talking about submitting to your Father, humble yourself under His might hand that He may exalt you in due time, casting your care upon Him, because He cares for you.

Father, may we always and only seek Your will for our lives.  May we have grace to surrender all our desires to You and trust YOU to bring them about in YOUR timing.

Two hours after posting this, we found out that the carts were still available and we got them for $50 less than we were willing to pay!!! Amazing!!

WORD of 2013!

I have noticed that the prayer of my heart of late has been for my eyes to be open to the wonders of Him.  I want to see His hand in my everyday.  I know He is there, I just want to see it. 

Maybe it is because my heart knows that when I ‘see’ Him, His hand and His love, joy floods my soul.  Peace overwhelms me.  When I ‘see’ Him the circumstances and storms of life seem less likely to knock me down and stomp all over me.  Also, the good days are that much better when enjoyed with Him.

That’s what I want.  To not be so easily knocked down.  To live each day with wide-eyed wonder of Him.  To be like a love-sick school girl, hanging on His every move.

. . . in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

While praying for a name for the new year, perspective kept coming to mind. 

Perspective:  a way of regarding situations, facts and judging their relative importance;  the proper or accurate view or the ability to see it.

You see, when our perspective is proper our hearts are at peace.  Even the most dire straits can appear less dire with the proper perspective.  Think about it for a minute.  Imagine a circumstance and look at it from two different points of view.  You will see what I mean.

When I realize that my life is in the hands of an all sovereign Father who loves and cherishes me, that everything in my life is by His hand and for His purpose and glory and my good, things don’t look nearly as bad.

When I realize that this life is all about Him and His glory, when I really see my life through this perspective so many of my self-focused ideas just fall away.

When my perspective is through His word and His love the fight for joy is less intense.  Don’t think for one second I think this is going to be easy.  Not for a second!  But I am so excited with what He is showing me.  2012 was a crazy busy year and it left this mama feeling a bit battered, weary and dry.  These past few weeks have been almost like a ‘retreat’ with the Lord.  He refreshes His weary ones, that is for sure.

So, do you ‘name’ your year?  Any scripture, phrases or words to start your year off?  I would love to hear them.