“Epiphany Moment”

You know those moments, when time stops and you realize something that you have longed for, prayed for or hoped for has come to be. I mean something deep inside that you can hardly describe? Sort of an ‘epiphany moment’.

I had that yesterday. For a very long time I have said, ‘I just want to feel as good everyday as I do on caffeine.’ I am referring to the energy, mental clarity and overall sense of well-being. This has been illusive, this feeling, for so many years. Don’t get me wrong, there is much grace in my life to do what I am called to do, but I am referring to the daily battle of fatigue, hormone imbalance and brain fog. Give me a good cup of strong coffee and watch out! Ain’t nobody gonna keep up with me! I’m happy, I dance, I buzz about my day and go for hours. I have always compared this to what true health and well-being would feel like.

I don’t drink coffee anymore. In recent years I only ‘used’ it when needed, kind of like taking an aspirin when needed. It’s been several months since even taking ‘as needed’.

Well, just yesterday, when I was describing how I have been feeling to my Doctor, I found myself saying, ‘I feel as good everyday as I used to feel on caffeine.’ It didn’t hit me until minutes later, back in the van. I just about burst into tears. How long have I cried out for healing, for strength, to just feel ‘great’? How many pages of my journal were filled with the longings of my heart? How many tears cried over the never-ending fatigue?

I feel like this is just the beginning. I have hope for the first time in years that it is going to get better. That I can be strong. I can have energy. I can live my life the way God designed me to live it, with strength and energy and joy!

The journey has been SO long and so multi-faceted. Many, many things have gone into getting me to where I am today. Truly a spirit, soul and body journey. Recently, significant changes in my way of eating and moving have made a huge impact. I have been pursuing ‘healthy eating’ for over fifteen years. I look back and see this amazing journey and all I have learned, the bumps and bruises, the mistakes and the major lifestyle changes that have brought me to where I am today.

For the first time in my adult life, or as far back as I can remember, I feel amazing! I wake up with energy and joy. I can work and play for hours and hours. I am not a slave to needing to eat because blood sugar is dropping. I have a constant, steady flow of energy. I have days where I take it easy and do simple everyday things and then I have days that I can work for 12 hours straight, on my feet, barely stopping to eat.

The point of all of this is, I simply love those ‘epiphany moments’ when you have that beautiful, heart-bursting moment when you see answers to long standing prayers! It might seem small in comparison to some things, but when it is your heart that gets flooded with this revelation, it is BIG!

I {heart} Couch to 5K

I told you how I sort of fell into running. I was hooked from my very first step. I needed a plan. After extensive research, yes, I am freaky like that, I stumbled upon a Couch to 5K schedule. It was exactly what I needed.

When I started, the 60 second run seemed so doable. I was excited. Come on, 60 seconds, who can’t do that?? Um, me! Brian went with me and manned the stopwatch, as he was pretty much walking. Part way through I thought, surely I was dying or he was lying to me and we had gone for five minutes. ‘How much longer I would pant.’ Forty more seconds. WHAT!? Are you kidding me. My legs hurt, my lungs were burning and I was gasping. I did it though. And so, we repeated this scenario for two more days that week. By the third day I was running the 60 second segments with ease. It was amazing.

The next week, 90 second runs. With my new found confidence, I was sure this would be a piece of cake! Um, no, not so much. Sixty-five seconds into my 90 second run I, again, though I was dying! But by the end of the week, I mastered that 90 seconds. This was exactly the pattern for the next several weeks.

I began to learn something about myself. For the most part, it was far more of a mind game than a physical challenge. My body could do significantly more than I thought it could. I would have to talk to myself the whole time. Encouraging and even exhorting along the way. My family was so supportive. Elijah, my six year old came down (to the treadmill) each morning, sleep still in his eyes, in his underwear, to watch mama run. He would snuggle into my sweatshirt that I threw off this premenopausal body about two minutes into the warm up section. I would get thumbs up from him, “you can do it mama”, and high fives!

Our treadmill is old and extremely loud, so I had my headphones pretty loud, and apparently, I would sing very loudly so everyone upstairs could hear it. I had no idea, but they would snicker up there when they heard me trying to sing and breathe at the same time.

By week five, things got serious! By the end of the week I was to do twenty minutes straight! Running, straight, for twenty minutes, did you catch that? I was nervous and excited all in the same moment. I was confident by now, I had seen my body do some things I never thought it could do. I knew if I just believed in myself and could keep my head from convincing me I couldn’t, I just might do it. I got on that day, put a sticky note over the timer so I couldn’t  watch it, and just started running. I did it! Twenty minutes of non-stop running! You can believe that I was crying, not only from pain, but from sheer joy! I even went a few more minutes just for emphasis! The high I felt was incredible. Such a sense of accomplishment.

The next four weeks of the program were a little bumpy. I had shoe problems, and consequently foot pain, all to familiar from years past. But I persevered, I dug deep some mornings, and even ran through tears. My mind was saying, ‘quit, you can’t do this, who do you think you are? But, something would rise up and I would fight back! I found a strength I never knew I had. Running was teaching me so much more than just how to put one foot in front of the other.

(my new ‘official’ running shoes)

I will never forget the morning I ran my first 3.1 miles. I was prepared to take a photo of the treadmill dashboard when I got there. I had seen other girls do this and post on a group I was on, so I was excited. We prayed and I got on the treadmill, again, covering up the time/miles with a sticky note that said, ‘just keep running’. I would sprint for a minute or so, just to get there faster. It was not pretty, me, running for that long, but I was doing it and as I got closer, I was choking back the emotions. I yelled for everyone to come down so they could see me ‘cross the finish line’. Almost there! Two-tenths of a mile to go. I kicked the speed up to get done faster. I did it!! 3.1 miles! I hopped off, gasping for air, trying to gather enough strength to take a photo. My ever so supportive, encouraging and sensible man, concerned I might get hurt, as the treadmill was still going, pulled the cord. He loves me so and doesn’t want me hurt. But guess what? By pulling the cord, the treadmill shuts off! The screen went dark. No proof, no photo op, all gone. I screamed, no, almost in slow motion. He was completely baffled and I was crying hysterically by now, trying to explain to him that I had wanted a photo. He felt awful, I mean AWFUL. Talk about mind over matter. I had to pull myself together and not make him feel worse. It was hard, I still could cry over it just remembering. Silly, I know.

It doesn’t matter, I did it! I completed the whole program and actually ran a whole 5K! I am not sure I can express to you, the significance of this to me and what a huge accomplishment it was, considering the state of my body in the beginning. So amazing! I could not be more proud of myself, even all the tears, the struggles, the discouragement, all of it! I did it!

 

You don’t have to want to run, but whatever it is for you, YOU CAN DO IT! Maybe it is starting a walking program, or getting back to working out. You are worth it! Take the time, dream and get out there and do it! I am probably close the least likely person to ever want to run, never mind be able to run. Nothing is impossible with God. Let Him take you all the way to your dreams!

Becoming A Runner {Fitness Friday}

Literally, 17 years ago the desire to run was birthed in me. I had turned 30, and I wanted to run a marathon. I now see that was an incredibly loft goal. But the desire was there. I was never a runner. I hated the Physical Fitness test in grade school, do you remember those? I could do the standing long jump, but the 50 yard dash, ugh, I thought I would die!

The only time I really remember running, was when I was five, I was being chased by a Dalmatian at my friends house. He caught me and bit me right in the, well, you know. I’m sure I ran around as a kid, but I couldn’t run very far or very fast.

Fast forward, several children, pregnancies and weight changes. Off and on, over the years the desire was still there, but even walking for extended periods of time was challenging with foot pain and back pain. My family and I would joke about me being a runner, long before I EVER ran a step. I would see an iPod and say I needed one, because I was a runner, you know. We would laugh. Or, I bought a hoodie that had these strange holes at the bottom of the sleeve. At first, I thought I should take it back, until I realized they were for my thumbs, because I was a runner.  See, the signs were there all along. The last couple of years, there was such an this urge to take off out the door and run. It was so strange. Sometimes, I would open the door and run down the driveway, just to do it. Crazy.

This past winter, after an extremely frustrating day, I couldn’t contain it anymore, the anger, the stress. I grabbed my son and said, ‘let’s go run’. Um, okay? It was dark, snowy and cold. Oh, and mom has never run before. Sounds like a plan. We started walking and talking and I said, ‘let’s run’ and I took off like a shot. Well, not really like a shot, sort of a slow shuffle. He started running too, but quickly switched to a fast walk when he realized my “running” was equal to a brisk walk for him. We laughed so hard. It was a moment I will always treasure. I was running! It felt so good . . . for about 20 seconds. We repeated this scenario several times and I made it further down our road than I ever have on foot.

Something hooked me that night. The beauty of the falling snow. The dark and quiet of the night. The release of stress, exhausting muscles and lungs. I felt like I was dying and coming alive all in the same moment!

Next time, Training For A 5K (at 47, and overweight, and out of shape, and unable to run for more than 20 seconds, yeah, it was pretty!)