Sad News . . .

I wanted to wait until after the party to share some sad news with you. Last Thursday, in about a 2 1/2 hour time frame, we found out that I was 10-12 weeks pregnant, that the baby had died, and I delivered him/her. It was quite shocking to us and we were, and are at times stunned.

I was spotting off and on for about a week and a half, which we thought was my cycle starting up again, as they had stopped in the middle of this adrenal exhaustion, or so we thought. I did take a pregnancy test in August, which was negative. According to how far along I was, it should have been positive. (I have never had a false negative pregnancy test, and I have taken a ton ;-)

Thursday morning I was on my way to the grocery store when I had a strong urge to go to the bathroom. (We also thought I had been dealing with a bladder infection during this time) I went and was still uncomfortable, but proceeded with what I needed to get. About 4 aisles over, the pain, which felt like my bladder, got pretty bad and I thought I should probably go home. At that time, I felt a huge pop and preceded to bleed everywhere. For some reason I thought maybe I passed a kidney stone, which I supposedly have. I made a beeline for the back bathroom, leaving a trail behind me. Not one of the more glorious moments of being a woman. ;-)

I was able to have cellphone reception, (which is usually sketchy, at best, in this store) and called my dear husband. He came and bought me pads and underwear. Thank God I had a skirt on, pants would have been a nightmare. We left the store after several trips back to the bathroom, as I was bleeding profusely.

On the way home, it hit me that the 'pop' I felt was just like what I felt with my 7th child, the only other one with whom my water broke. And then I realized that the 'blood trail' looked watered down. The shock of realizing that I must have been pregnant was, well, shocking.

We got home and because the bleeding was so bad, we called my midwife, who instructed us to come in and she would check me and run some tests. When we got there, she examined me and found that the baby had already started to deliver, she just helped it along. She cried with us. She has been such a big part of the birth of our last five baby's births.

After some blood work, we went home to rest. As I lie there trying to rest with my mind swirling with prayers and questions, one thing welled up in my heart so big. I believe this baby was a gift from God. I also believe He gave me the gift of joy that afternoon. You see, I realized that each and every pregnancy in the past was greatly rejoiced over and I was determined, by His grace, that this was not going to be any different! I chose right then and there to rejoice over this precious little one, even though this baby had died. I rejoiced in the fact that God chose me to carry this little one, if only for a short time. I believe this joy was a gift from Him, there is no way a women in my condition physically and emotionally could do that in her own strength, trust me. He is so amazing and kind to give joy to a confused and grieving mama. I guess you can truly say that He has 'made me a joyful mother of children'. I am humbled and marvel at His love for me.

Even now as I type this out it seems so unbelievable to me. How does a woman who has been pregnant 14 times previous to this not know she was pregnant? The negative pregnancy test and the extreme extenuating health circumstances played a huge part, I know. We also believe, for some reason, I was not meant to know about this until that day. Where we don't understand, we can only trust.

I have a few posts that I will put up in the coming days that the Lord put on my heart as I was grieving. I hope you will permit me to share my heart through the grieving.

We are doing amazingly well, considering the circumstances. A testimony to the grace of our God and the prayers of the faithful. We continue to go in and out of sorrow, but there is much rejoicing. I will share more on that in another post.

The Winners Are . . .

Melissa

from

Lilac Lane by Melissa Stramel

AND

Lori

from

Here's a Hand to Hold

Melissa and Lori, please email me with your home address so I can get these out to you!

I had so much fun putting these together! It was so hard to only pick two, though, I wish I could send everyone something. Thank you all for taking part in the blog party, I trust you met some wonderful women out there.

WOW! What a Party!

A few reminders:

I will close Mr. Linky at 5:00 pm (If my tech support can help me with that ;-)

You may certainly continue to go visiting and meeting new women. You might want to save, in a Favorites folder, each of the blogs you plan to keep up with, as with the last party I hosted, Mr. Linky went away with me knowing it. ;-)

(I plan to put each link in a 'Blog Party' folder in my favorites as I have not yet had a chance to really get to know all those who linked up)

I will probably have two drawings! I am thinking of more and more ideas of what to 'throw' into the give-away boxes! This is so fun for me.

Like the last time I hosted a blog party, there have been so many great comments and wonderful testimonies of women being encouraged. Thank you to all of you who linked up. And thank you to all of you who went to the other blogs and left words of encouragement.

You have until tomorrow at 5:00 pm (eastern time) to link up and get your name in the drawing, if you have not.

Don't forget to save the links just in case I lose them when I close Mr. Linky!!

Stay tuned for the drawing!

Unfortunately, I need to limit those eligible for the drawing to those who reside in the United States.

Please let me know if this excludes you so I may enter the names accordingly. Thank you for understanding.

Hurry! It's Not Too Late!

I have been getting amazing feedback from so many women that I have decided to keep the 'blog party' going over the weekend. Monday I will pool all the names and draw a winner. I think we might have more than one winner, it just sounds more fun! ;-)

If you haven't linked up yet, you still may. Mr. Linky is in the original Party Post. Remember, this will help other women find your blog, and you might find a few new and inspiring blogs yourself. This is a great opportunity to 'meet' others and minister to other women.

Thank you so much for taking part in this. Really, the testimonies are so encouraging.

Oh, I almost forgot, here is the link to my 'introduction' for those of you who have never read it.

Not to us, O LORD, not to us

but to your name be the glory,

because of your love and faithfulness.

Don't Delay!!!

Dearest Titus 2 Women,

I have been getting emails daily from women who are so hungry to 'hook up' with other like-minded women. I know many of my followers and faithful readers have not linked up yet, and I am asking you to do so for the sake of these women. I know you might not be interested in the give-away or think you have already done this, but please do. You all have so much to offer these women!

Without naming names ;-) Just off the top of my head . . . someone who lives without electricity . . .someone who likes to make cheese . . .someone who is married to a firefighter . . .someone who has a wonderfully peaceful blog. . .someone who often wonders if she is 'too old' to offer any 'modern' advice . . .someone who has been through some serious sorrows . . .someone who loves all things thrifty and 'farmy' . . .someone who has TEN children . . .someone who is very 'hip' . . .

These were all just off the top of my head . . . I know there are tons more, so come on ladies, sign into Mr. Linky, you never know how God might use you to touch another woman's life!

All you have to do is click on the Mr. Linky button and fill in your name and your blog address. In that link you will also find the other women who have linked up so you can visit their blogs.

Mr. Linky is in the Party Post.

Mini-Party and Give-Away!

Okay, it's official. I now have a reason for a mini-party and give away! Plus, I need a little fun in my life right now!

I officially have 100 followers!

When I firsted started my blog it really didn't matter to me how many followers I had, I just wanted to minister to whom ever the Lord wanted me to. Several years ago while I was whining about not affecting very many women, the Lord asked me "would I rather speak to a room full of women who were only mildly interested in what I had to say or would I rather speak right to the heart of the woman He put in my path?" I got it. It doesn't matter how many women, it matters if they are the women whose hearts He has prepared.

It was incredibly cool, though, when I got my first follower. I screamed and startled my family. I was like a little kid on Christmas morning, still am actually, over each follower. I appreciate each of you who come here frequently to read what the Lord puts on this crazy little mama's heart, and am humbled by the comments and emails. So I thought a party and a give-away would be a fun way to celebrate.

Some of you might remember the 'Titus 2 Blog Party' that I hosted. Part of my purpose in that party was to link like-minded women together and to help increase each other's readership. That is what I want to do now with this little party. I have gotten to know some very amazing women through 'blogging' and would love for you all to get to know each other.

I want to have a give-away. The package will include Sally Clarkson's Mission of Motherhood, Hannah Whitall Smith's The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life and whatever other goodies I can find to throw in there! All you have to do to get your name entered in the drawing is write a post on your blog introducing yourself. Tell us who you are, what is the purpose of your blog, what type of things do you write about, pictures, ect. Then come back here and link up to Mr. Linky. That is it! That way we can go visiting to learn more about each other.

I will keep Mr. Linky open until Friday and then hold the drawing. You do not need to be a follower to enter, nor do you need to sign up to be a follower, this is not what it is about. You can invite your friends by posting about it on your blog and invite them to link up and get their name entered in also. Whoever signs into Mr. Linky will get their name entered in the drawing. Go and visit all the wonderful blogs entered in Mr. Linky and get to know some new people or visit some old friends!

Taking Part in Godless Living?

It is so funny to me that this is the topic At the Well.

Do you find yourself taking part in godless living and sinful pleasures?

If so....What steps are you going to take to gain strength in wisdom, righteousness and devotion to God?

I was planning on doing a post about something Brian and I were convicted of, but who is all that excited to write a post about our sin?

A couple of years ago during the summer, we started watching reruns of a network TV show. (I don't think we really watch any network shows, mostly things like Food Network and TLC.) It wasn't the cleanest, actually, it was pretty bad, but we (I) got sucked in. When the new season started, we began watching it. We knew it didn't feel right, but continued none the less, mostly because of me.

Well, at the same time it was getting even raunchier, I read a devotional about the ermine. Are you familiar with the ermine? It is apparently a pure white coated animal that does all it can to keep pure and clean. Hunters trick it by 'muddying up' its home while it is out and then unleash the dogs to chase it. When it returns home and sees all the filth, it chooses to die rather than risk its purity. (OUCH!)

Yes, the devotional goes on to say how the act of the ermine condemns us. We are made in the image and likeness of God, with minds and immortal spirits; yet, how often, in order to obtain something we desire, our character is sacrificed on the alters of worldly pleasure, greed, selfishness!

Keep thyself pure!

We were convicted and I must say it was hard to not watch it. My flesh was really battling me on this, but we held each other accountable and didn't watch anymore.

This summer comes around, what do we do? We start watching, again, at my lead. So it was with great anticipation that we started watching the new season. We only got one show in though, and I read that same dad-blasted devotional again! The really bad thing is, I recognized it and tried not to read it knowing what it would mean. Can you believe that???!!! The long and the short of it is we repented and refuse to watch it. We are so thankful for His mercy for giving us another chance to obey.

Keep thyself pure!

Every thought, every word, every deed, even the motive behind the deed--all, ermine-pure.

I do believe accountability is very crucial.

BTW, my husband wanted me to add that he was very convicted of being 'Adam' as Eve offered the forbidden fruit. He recognizes that as the leader of the home he should have put his foot down and not let us watch it.

(psst, aren't I blessed?)

Encouraging Videos On Motherhood

I stumbled across these two videos by Christy Nockels. They are an amazing encouragement to mamas. Listen to them as you have time, I think they were 6-7 minutes each. Trust me, very, very encouraging!

When your done I'd love to hear your thoughts and how these might have touched your heart.

Being A Mom {Part 1} from christy nockels on Vimeo.

'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.

Being A Mom {Part 2} from christy nockels on Vimeo.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Just Stay

This story was in my email this morning, don't know if it is true, but it is sweet and convicting.

Blessings!

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.

'Your son is here,' she said to the old man.

She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack,

he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside

the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand.

The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones,

squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair

so that the Marine could sit beside the bed.

All through the night the young Marine sat there

in the poorly lighted ward,

holding the old man's hand

and offering him words of love and strength.

Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine

move away and rest awhile.

He refused.

Whenever the nurse came

into the ward,

the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises

of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank,

the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings,

the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words..

The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died.

The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse.

While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned.

She started to offer words of sympathy,

but the Marine interrupted her.

'Who was that man?' he asked.

The nurse was startled,

'He was your father,' she answered.

'No, he wasn't,' the Marine replied.

'I never saw him before in my life..'

'Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?'

'I knew right away there had been a mistake,

but I also knew he needed his son,

and his son just wasn't here.

When I realized that he was too sick to tell

whether or not I was his son,

knowing how much he needed me,

I stayed.'

The next time someone needs you ... just be there.

Stay.

WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH

A TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE.

WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS

GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

In Case You Had Any Doubt . . .

I just thought I would share a teensy peak into my world right now. I need some lightening up and I want to share what a sense of humor God has.

Today has been a particularly difficult day. My 'feelings' have reigned, depression has reigned, pain has reigned, weariness, hopelessness, loneliness, self-pity, condemnation. . .you name it, if it's ugly, it has reined! Everything but the TRUTH!

Brian just left with the kids to go to Costco. Something chocolate and cold sounded really, really good. I knew we had some ice cream in the freezer that the kids must have brought home from grandma and grandpa's. (we don't buy ice cream very often, we make a really good one) As soon as they left I went to the freezer, noticed it was 25% fat free, which turned me off, and it was freezer burned. Also, when I looked at the ingredients, something my kids pray I never do, I dumped it! Sugar is horrible for adrenal fatigue, if I was going to poison myself I was at least going to do it with something I would enjoy! I knew I could make my own, but that would take 25 minutes, depression can't wait 25 minutes!


So I thought about our coconut milk ice cream recipe and said to myself, "self, we could make a coconut milk shake!" Brilliant!

Into the blender:

1 can coconut milk
3 squirts agave nectar
3-4 T. dark cocoa powder
lots of ice


Blend until smooth, creamy, cold and chocolaty!

Oh, the funny part? Well, I am notorious for sticking my spoon in the blender, risking spoon and blender each time. I just had to taste it, the blender was not that full, so my spoon hit the blade and chocolate coconut milkshake went flying everywhere! I stood there stunned, chocolate, coconut milkshake dripping from my hair and face. Plastered all over my clothes and bare feet. I went to the mirror and laughed out loud. I so wish I had taken a picture, but vanity won. (come on I have been crying all day, you wouldn't have done it either) Not to mention, I, even in the depression, chose healthy over junk. Who does that? It takes a pretty loopy mama!



I came back to enjoy my milkshake only to look up and see chocolate drips on both sides of the shelves inside the cupboard that was open, all over the fridge and the counter top. Once I cleaned it up, then I enjoyed the chocolate, coconut milkshake!





We will discuss the depravity of turning to chocolate in another post. For now, I'm smiling and my tummy is full! At least I made a healthy choice physically;-)

What To Do With Inadequacies?

One morning as I was meditating on all the Lord has shown me these past few months I was struck with the magnitude of them. Some are so huge to me and I could not imagine how to be different or make the changes I needed to. Once again, looking within myself for the ability to do it.;-)

I stopped my 'old pattern' of thinking and began to praise Him for showing me these things and thanking Him because I knew if He revealed them to me He was going to show me how to 'live' it. I didn't need to fret, I just needed to keep my eyes on Him and let Him lead me, in His timing. Yeah me!

This is the devotional I read directly after the above interaction.

Never let your inadequacies be a handicap. Give them to Me, and they will become My opportunity to demonstrate My power operating through you. I would never have a chance to help you if you were always self-sufficient and capable of meeting every challenge.

Be ready to move in faith every time you sense inadequacy, and in each experience, as you trust Me, you will experience what is meant by the 'larger life'. I will fill all your lack with My divine undertaking and bring you out with testimony unto My name.

(Frances J. Roberts, Progress of Another Pilgrim)

And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefor will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

All He asks is that we give them to Him and they become an opportunity for HIM to demonstrate His power. I can do that. Can you? Why not take some time alone with Him and take all those weaknesses and inadequacy and give them to Him.

Here was the list I came up with that morning, not exhaustive, I assure you ;-)

*lack of strength and health

*lack of wisdom

*lack of ability to know how to live the new 'restful' life You are calling me too

*school . . .training . . .discipling

*being loving, listening

*sowing into relationships with the children

*living in 'unity' and with one mind and heart

*finding rest for my soul

*living in the moment

*paying attention

*not looking within me for the how-tos

*finding rest in YOU ALONE

*not running off on my own, ahead of You

*not being so 'driven'

Dependence On Myself

One very difficult afternoon, I was crying quite hard and having an argument with my husband and my doctor. Well, not really with them, I was alone. It was an argument in my head. Tell me you have those too?

I was very weary with the symptoms of this adrenal fatigue and was trying to figure out just how to word things at my next doctor appointment. I was making threats like, 'if you don't give me such and such I'm going to go somewhere else.' Or, 'do you know how serious this is?' (he does, and is treating me very well) I was 'telling' my husband that if he doesn't get behind me on this and explain what has been going on well enough, well, I'm going to just push through! I'll show you, forget my health, fine!' What is hilarious is that, one, my husband is incredibly supportive and my number one advocate. Two, I couldn't 'push through' if I tried. Trust me I have tried!

I calmed my mind and fell asleep. When I woke up I began to thumb through a book I am re-reading called, Jeanne Guyon An Autobiography. (Very good book by the way, have read and re-read it many times over the years.) This is what I read. It was a story about a time when the stagecoach in which she was in was in danger of sinking in a river and she remained calm and able to rest in the Lord's will for her life. Here are the words that struck my heart.

"I was quite content to be drowned, had He permitted it. . .I rather chose to perish, trusting in God, than make my escape in dependence on myself. My pleasure is to be indebted to Him for everything. This renders me content in my miseries, which I would rather endure all my life long, in a state of resignation to Him, than to put an end to them in dependence on myself."

Do you see it? It hit me because that is exactly what I was trying to do. Make my escape in dependence on myself or put an end to my miseries in dependence on myself! I don't want that! I want out when and only when He wants me out. I don't want to depend on me to find a way to wiggle my way out of the hedges and afflictions He has clearly brought about in my life. I was gently put back in my proper submissive position, desiring nothing but His will. (even if it seems to be taking awhile ;-)

How about you? Are there areas you are trying

to 'get out of' in dependence on yourself?

Health Update

I went to the doctor today for the first time in three weeks. (He was out of the country) He said there is improvement enough in my adrenals to lesson the supplement for them. My thyroid is now coming to the forefront and he is addressing that with adding iodine back in. He hopes, as do I, that the iodine will make enough of a difference to see improvement, and it should happen within a week! I like that.

It is so neat to see how God designed our bodies and how my doctor recognizes that and acts accordingly instead of just a standard protocol. For the first weeks he spent each appointment adjusting my supplements to get my adrenals 'out of the basement' as he said. It was obvious that my pituitary was a player, but my body would not 'show' it. So he only addressed what my body was calling for. After a few weeks on that treatment my body started to 'show' pituitary, so we addressed that.

Thyroid is also a player in adrenal fatigue, but up until today it has not been to the forefront. It was so neat to see how my body is directing the order of treatment. It knows what I need most and what should be addressed first. I know this probably doesn't make sense to someone who is unfamiliar with natural medicine, but trust me, it is real.

I struggle with wanting my doctor to move faster. I sometimes fell like he moves so slowly, but I know the Lord has put me in his hands, and there have been a couple of instances that if he had moved at my speed it would have been very detrimental to my health. I am so glad we have God to order our steps and give wisdom where needed.

Adrenal fatigue is very complex with many systems involved. It's not as simple as take something for your adrenals and you're better. There is something called the adrenal/pituitary/thyroid axis. Our bodies are so fearfully and wonderfully made. There is also the ovarian/thyroid/adrenal axis. All of these rely on each other to do their thing. At my worst, many systems were shutting down. One of which was the ovarian part of the axis, my cycles stopped. I have said for weeks that I would be encouraged if my period came back, because at least that meant something was getting better. Well, this weekend I started my period, well, sort of, it is starting slowly and with much pain (which is unusual for me) but at least it is trying to start. Sorry if this is TMI! I am choosing to believe it is a sign of healing, even if I don't feel better yet.

It is my understanding that much healing needs to go on inside the body before you actually 'feel' it. This is what I am believing is happening. Just seriously looking forward to 'feeling' it!

A dear sister has been in contact with me and had asked for some links that I thought I had provided. I am including them in here because there are others out there who need to know about this and maybe you can direct them. I am amazed at how many people have told me that what I am experiencing is what they have experienced and they didn't know it had a name until they read this blog.

Here is the link to an awesome website by a Dr. Lam. You could spend hours, literally, reading all he has to say on adrenal fatigue as well as many other health issues. In all my reading, this is probably the most informative.

http://www.drlam.com/articles/adrenal_fatigue.asp

Adrenal Fatigue: The 21st Century Stress Syndrome is the best book I have read on the subject.

I don't want this blog to be all about this adrenal fatigue, but about how big my God is and how He uses everything for our good and His glory, but many are praying and asking so I will update occasionally. Thank you again, so much for your prayers and comments, they encourage and bless me.

My Soul Finds Rest in God Alone

My soul finds rest in God alone;

my salvation comes from him.

This verse caught my attention yesterday and won't leave my mind. I strive and strain in pursuit of something. I grasp at ideas of how to reign this in or how to pull it together. I feel like I'm chasing something, something I can't see. I just have to have it.
I realize this 'it' is rest; rest for my soul. This craving for rest for my soul is so strong. It's a longing deep within me, an ache I can almost feel.

I study verses about rest.

I cry out for rest.

I respond to the invitation for ‘all those who are weary to come to Him and find rest for their souls’.

I'm weary, pick me!

I'm heavy laden, I say, ‘pick me.’

Show me this rest. I see rest is what I need.

Not rest in the sense of inactivity or lying down, though my physical body does need rest.
No, it's a deep inner rest.

A rest from all the expectations I put on myself.

A rest from all my thoughts.

A rest from trying to be someone I am not.

A rest from the striving against my Maker.

A rest from trying to somehow have my hand in this sanctification process.

A rest from my works.

A rest in the finished work of the cross.

A rest from always thinking I need to do more, be better, try harder.

A rest from self and all of self's efforts.

A rest from the “I shoulds.”

A rest from me, quite frankly.

So back to the verse

My soul finds rest in God alone.

See the profundity of it? So simple, one could almost miss it. I have many times. I have loved this verse for years. I think I would read and breathe it in for a moment, get up and go about my life, my way, in my strength. Somehow I must have missed the word “alone” at the end.
My soul will only find its true rest in God ALONE!

Not God and self,

not God and my works,

not God and my striving and effort,

not God and me – nope, only in God alone!

So I say to my soul, 'Find your rest in God alone, my hope comes from Him.'

I really think that this might just be the 'kingpin' in this affliction. As I look back over the years I see that 'rest for my soul' is what I have been chasing, I just didn't know it. I thought maybe more schedules and charts, more quiet time, more effort, something to fill what was missing. I don't think I have even come close to what He is teaching me in this area. Like I said above, it is almost an ache to know the truth of rest. And so the pursuit continues.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge.

The Spirit is Willing

Recently, I was once again beating myself up for not doing something 'good enough'. Don't worry, God has been working mightily on this in me these past few weeks and I am confident we will get to the bottom of this and healing and restoration will take the place of condemnation.

This time it was over not suffering or enduring this affliction 'good enough'. I know, it sounds a bit crazy to me too, now. My heart is to 'patiently endure'. I want to be able to praise Him and thank Him in ALL things. I want to say with Job, "The Lord giveth the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord" (and mean it ;-) I want to be like the saints of old who went to the stake praising Him. And most of all, I want to be like Jesus, 'who for the joy set before Him endured the cross" . . . and who said, "not My will but Yours be done".



I had this picture in my mind that when I suffered I would be smiling and joyful, almost laughing at the affliction. I would be happy, even on the outside.



One day when I was lamenting about this to God He showed me two verses that brought perspective and peace.



". . .the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak"



My spirit was indeed praising Him, enduring joyfully and loving Him through all of this, it was my flesh that was in a heap on the shower floor weeping. It is my flesh that questions and cries out for answers. It is my flesh that is depressed. (with actual physical reasons) I had never thought of this verse in this way before.



"For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful. . ."



The light bulb went off! Discipline is grievous and painful! It doesn't seem to bring joy. I was looking on the outside for some sort of joy. It is not supposed to 'feel' good!



I, of course, cried and cried. (That's just what I do right now ;-) I share this with you in the hope that if you are struggling with life and on top of that, struggling with yourself, that you might see what I saw.

We are so hard on ourselves; expect so much. Brian keeps telling me that I am the only one on my back. Nobody else is thinking these things, certainly not my Father. He loves me, accepts me, knows that I am but dust, is not surprised by my weaknesses and my flesh does not scare Him a bit! He sees my heart, He knows me, really, really knows me, and loves me just the same.



It's the same with you. Do you believe me? He loves you, accepts you and thinks you are so great. He is pleased with you, not because of what you do or how well you do it, but because of Jesus.

Look at what glorious sight I saw when I first opened my eyes this morning! Are there any more glorious pictures than those painted by the hands of our God?

THE HEAVENS declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows and proclaims His handiwork.

(Ps. 19:1)

Inspire me with the knowledge that a person may sometimes be called to serve by doing nothing, by staying still, or by waiting. I will not complain that sometimes the Spirit allows me not to go.

(George Matheson)

When I cannot understand my Father's leading,

And it seems to be but hard and cruel fate,

Still I hear that gentle whisper ever pleading,

God is working,

God is faithful,

ONLY WAIT.

Surrender = Contentment

The Lord has been revealing to me many “little foxes that spoil the vineyard.” There have been many, but this doesn't discourage me a bit, because He is graciously showing me that all these “little foxes” have been robbing me of the joy, peace, and rest I have desperately sought after for years.
They all seem to have some common ground.

Contentment

Thankfulness

Surrender


This has to do with being content in this moment. Being fully present and content with what He has given me right here, right now. Being content with whatever it is he has ordained for this very moment.


Below is a quote from Jeanne Guyon from her autobiography.




While the soul faithfully gives itself up to Providence, it will do all things right and well, and will have everything it needs without its own care, because God, in whom it confides, will make it every moment do what He requires, and will furnish it for the proper occasions. . . But why is it such souls commit any faults? Because they are not faithful in giving themselves up to the present moment. Often too eagerly bent on something, or wanting to be over-faithful, they slide into many faults, which they can neither see nor avoid. . . so many troubles in life come from the soul not abiding it its place, and not being content with the order of God and what is afforded in it from moment to moment. If men rightly knew this secret, they would all be fully content and satisfied . . . But alas! Instead of being content with what they have, they are always wishing for what they do not have . . . It is because the man who is not content with what he has, will never be without craving desires, and he who is the prey of an unsatisfied desire, can never be content. . .but he who rests in the divine will is infinitely more content and glorifies God more.
(emphasis mine)


Maybe it is weakness, physical or spiritual, it matters not. Can I just surrender to Him in this moment, see this as from His hand and just be content in it, instead of fighting against it?

Can I get to the point where I just can sink down into His blessed will in that moment? To stop and praise Him in all things, knowing He is my wise and loving Father?

. . . Always wishing for what they do not have – Ouch! How often is this case with me? Always wishing for health, more strength (doesn't He give the amount of strength I need for His will?), to be gentler, a better mama, more holy. It’s never good enough. I always want more.

There's no peace and rest in that. If I could be thankful and content with right where He has me, trusting I'm the mama He has made me to be right here, right now in this moment of time.


Can it be that I am at the exact level of holiness because it is where He has me right now, in this moment?! I can't be any more, “fill in the blank” by my own striving. Yes, I obey and seek Him, but I can't do anything in and of myself to produce this fruit, only He can.

Only as I abide in Him – rest in Him – be content in Him.

What would it look like if I went through my day being content, just really accepting who I am, where He has me spiritually and physically, what kind of mama I am, accepting what the house looks like? Seeing His hand in everything—meaning if I am sick, it’s by His hand, I can rest and trust Him in it. If I am not as joyful as “I” think I should be, then I can look to Him and accept this is the level of joy He has given me in this moment.

She who rest in the divine will is infinitely more content.





For me, surrender equals contentment. I need to surrender to Him, His will every moment. Surrender my ideas of how things should be. Surrender my desires for His. When I really surrender, contentment fills my heart.

Surrender=Contentment

Sweet Sleep!

When you know how crucial sleep is to healing adrenal fatigue it is easy to be discouraged when you never sleep more than 2-4 hours at a time.



Yesterday was, as my daughter might say, 'simply horrid'. I was very discouraged by the end of the day. Today is one of my daughters birthday and I so wanted to do something special with her, but looking at my day, I wasn't all that hopeful. I prayed that I would be able to do something special with her today.



Well, I slept for SIX hours straight! I can honestly say that I have not slept more than five hours straight, which was probably drug induced, in over six or seven years! It might be longer, that is as far back as I can remember.



I am not sure I 'feel' any better this morning physically, but it sure has breathed hope into my spirit! Amazing how a little gift like sleep can do that for me.



I do have to admit that it is hard for me to have faith that the sleep will continue because I have been disappointed so many times. But I am choosing to praise Him for TODAY, and last night ;-)



Thank you for your prayers and your sweet encouraging comments, they really lifted my spirit. I treasure the 'friends' I have in blogworld.

I am off to spend a few hours of precious alone time with my daughter! Her name is Isabella, I have called her 'Belly' since she was a baby. And I call her my little 'BusyBelly' when I am feeling especially silly.

I leave you with this quote I read today, it is amazing how a glance at Christ and the Cross brings such perspective.

"But these strange ashes, Lord? This nothingness,
This baffling sense of loss?

"Son, was the anguish of My stripping less
Upon the torturing Cross?"
(First line from a poem by A. W. C.)

He Maketh Me Lie Down . . .

While this illness definitely is physical and has very real symptoms, I am beginning to wonder if it is “all in my head, or my heart.” Bear with me on this one. I believe with all my heart that this affliction has the fingerprints of my loving Father all over it, and it is my head or heart that needs healing, even more so than my body.

As I look back over the years I see Him, one way or another, trying to get my attention. I am not saying we were not in a living breathing daily relationship. He has spoken volumes to me over the years; literally, I have volumes of journals filled with love letters directly from His heart to mine. No, it’s not that. It is just a sense of Him having something for me and it just being out of my grasp. Or I think I ‘get it’ only to walk away unchanged.

There were plenty of times the advice was to ‘slow down’. ‘You are doing too much’. This always confused me because it was so hard to reconcile how to be the wife, mama and manager of this home, yet slow down. During difficult pregnancies my doctors would advise me to take it easy, rest more, and stop pushing. Even when it was first discovered that I had mild adrenal fatigue years ago, the advice was the same. It never did make sense to me. I would look around me and try to figure out just what to cut out or back on. Somehow it just never made sense.

I have often felt that any of the physical afflictions the Lord has brought into my life have been hedges of sorts. Hedging me in from chasing ‘my lovers’, perhaps. Again, I sense something there, yet it is always out of my grasp.

He has now made me to lie down, literally! No choice on my part. I simply cannot push through no matter how hard I try. Not only that, I have nothing in me to try. This is when I knew He meant business. I remember laying on my bed, my mom caressing my shoulders. I just started weeping. I said, “Mom, this is serious, I can not do it anymore. I have always been able to push through, I just can’t”. She immediately sensed the seriousness of the situation. She has watched me over the years. She knows me.

He maketh me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside still waters,

He restores my soul.

He has my full attention now. I see now that I was looking in the wrong places for ‘slowing down’. I see that I was looking within myself for the answers. Yes, He has my attention, and I believe it is a deep work He is doing.

He is beginning to reveal a great many things to me that I had never seen before. They were always there, I just never saw them. Others did, just not me. This time of affliction has been and continues to be so precious.

Before I was afflicted I went astray . . .It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes. . . in faithfulness You have afflicted me.

(Ps. 119:67,71,75)

I am so excited for all He is showing me and pray I not only gain head knowledge from this experience, but deep abiding change through and through.

Who Keeps Putting These Walls Here?

Okay, you might not want to come over to my house anytime soon. Apparently there are invisible walls that get put up right in front of me just when I think I might get to do something!

Saturday, I woke up feeling somewhat better than I have and was able to do some organizing and cleaning with the rest of the gang. At 11:00 am we were about to head downstairs, I stopped as I felt something not right inside of me, dear husband noticed and said when we get downstairs you are going to SIT!

Well, we went downstairs and within minutes I hit a wall! I mean slammed right into it, not literally, mind you. It is the weirdest feeling. Nothing in me was able to push through and immediately the tears start. I am not sure if the tears are part of the physical exhaustion or the reality that I can't do what I want to do. Probably both.

My dear husband says, 'this is enough, we should have saw this coming, off to bed for you!' He tucked me in and I slept soundly for about two hours.

Today, I was maybe feeling okay and was going to do some light exercises. Nope, hit that same dad-blasted wall! I don't see it there, I just slam right into! So, you might not want to come over here, you never know when you might hit the wall.

Oh, and by the way, I am fully aware of Who keeps putting the walls there! My Papa. I'm learning to surrender, s - l - o - w -l - y.

One more thing.

Yesterday we decided to take the children to the park, pick up some ice cream and have a little fun. It wouldn't take too much energy for mom and the kids could get out and have some fun.

All was well until my competitive husband decided to race the older boys. I was the 'on your mark, get set, go!' girl. As soon as my arm went down, I had the thought, 'you better not pull anything.' Before I could speak it out my dear husband stopped and grabbed his leg. I could see the agony on his face. Yep, he pulled something, his hamstring. Pretty bad too. So, after walking around for a bit to try to 'walk it off' we were off to rest, ice, compress and elevate his leg.

While he was laying on the floor he pulled out his bible and read to the littles. He confided in my later that he has felt the pull to be reading the Word to them more, but with all that is going on and all the extra on his plate due to my health, he does other things first.

I think he hit the same wall I have been hitting! God sure has His ways of getting us where He wants us.

Breakfast Challenge Winners!

We have decided to award two winners for the Nourishing Breakfast Challenge!

Meg (Gombojav Tribe) is one of the winners. She impressed us all with her amazing skill and zeal in the kitchen for someone at the tender age of eight!

AND

Nicole is the other winner! She gave this her all and her husband graciously tried things he didn't even like, what a trooper. Thanks Nicole's husband for your support!

Please email me with your email so I can have Stephanie send you the link to your new ebook!

Healthy Homemaking:
One Step at a Time

Sweet Moments

I don't know if you can see how tired this mama is. My sweet husband knows that nothing can breathe life into this mama like a cuddly baby who isn't so cuddly most of the time. Nearly every morning during my quiet time Brian will bring Elijah in to cuddle. He sees it in my eyes; the joy of cuddling with my baby. Such a sweet man.

Uncle Josiah, age 5, Uncle Elijah, age 21 months (both to the left) and nephew Levi ,1 years old (on the right) Elijah wasn't so sure about this nephew guy!

First grandchild's first birthday!


* Sometimes little ones just can't stay awake for the whole sermon!

*Thirteen year old daughter says,

"Mommy, I had a 'perfectly horrid' dream".

I smiled and said,

"Darling, have you been reading Anne of Green Gables?"

*Sweet five year old son says,

"Daddy, can we use a grumpy towel to play with?"

"A what?" we said.

"A grumpy towel."

"Oh, a grubby towel", we realize.

(meaning a rag towel)

*Swimming in Michigan on September 19th! (the pool is usually covered on Labor Day, but due to my health we haven't gotten to it, the kids are thankful)

*Lots of hugs from a very tenderhearted and intuitive 7 year old. She seems to know when a pint-sized hug makes everything all better. She sneaks up without a sound, wraps her arms around me, tightly. After she senses all is well, she scampers off without a word.

*A nineteen year old son who has wanted a job for so long is actually praying about turning an offer down as he contemplates, 'maybe 'home' is where God wants him in this season of life.'

*Sweetness of an older sister reading to a little brother.

Life can be so hard sometimes, isn't God so gracious to let us see the sweet things in life? They are always there, the sweet moments, my eyes just aren't always open to see them.

Open my eyes, Lord Jesus to see the sweet moments of life.

I'm Still Here!

Hi Ladies,

Sorry I haven't been able to keep up with the video posts, I know Meg was a bit disappointed. ;-) I have had another crash with this adrenal exhaustion, it has been a rough couple of days.

I am so pleased with what you all are doing. I know some of you aren't doing the 'challenge' but are still enjoying making recipes. Thank you for your posts and emails, they are such an encouragement.

Tomorrow is Yummy Granola! We had this yesterday as I was not up to anything else! It is so good to have something nourishing and yummy all made up in the pantry.

One thing I have learned with switching over to more nourishing ways of feeding my family is that planning ahead is key! You can't decide at 4:00 pm to have Bean and Greens soup for dinner that night, that is if you are committed to making it nourishing. You need to have prepared at least 24 hours in advance to soak those beans and cook them. It can sound so overwhelming, but when you have a system in place, it does the work for you and makes life so easy.

I hope you found that to be the case this week with this challenge.

Let me know how you like the Yummy Granola!

Nourishing Breakfast Challenge Day 2

Baked Oatmeal How-to

Nourishing Breakfast Challenge Day 1

Soaked Steel Cut Oats: Day 1

Here we have the finishing of the soaked oatmeal.

Breakfast Challenge: Leftover PB Bars

This recipe uses up the leftover, cold and slimy oatmeal that you went through the trouble of seeking out organic steel cut oats, soaking your precious oats, and then cooking them. I found this recipe at Seeking the Old Paths.

Leftover Peanut Butter Bars

2 cups leftover oatmeal, cold and slimy is fine

1/2 cup butter, softened (coconut oil is also yum)

1 cup sweetener…sugar, sucanat, etc….

1 egg
1 cup whole grain flour…wheat, spelt, etc….(Yes, these work with rice flour if you need!)

1/2 tsp. baking soda

2/3 - 1 cup peanut butter (the original recipe calls for1/3 cup)

1 tsp. vanilla

Cream butter, sweetener and eggs in a bowl. Add oats and other ingredients; mix well. Spread into greased 9×13″ baking pan. Bake at 350′ for 10-15 minutes. Cool on wire rack; cut into bars. Yield 18(small) servings.

We ALWAYS double, triple or even quadruple this recipe, depends on how much cold, slimy oatmeal we have collected over the week.;-)

We bake it on 1/2 sheet pans. Like I said, we usually make a ton of this. We love it for breakfasts and snacks or just munching on all day if nobody puts it away and it just sits on the counter!
We have also served this hot, scooped into bowls with cold milk either on top or in a glass beside. It is so yummy for breakfast. The texture seems to be a bit different each time we make it.

Hope you enjoy it!

Breakfast Challenge: Easy Egg Frittata

This is a simple egg dish that can be changed and added to easily. It is a method more than a recipe. The options are endless! You can add different varieties of cheeses and veggies.

Be sure to use a frying pan that can go in the oven. If it has silicone-type handles you can wrap them with foil to protect them. Worst case scenario, you could cook the eggs part way and put them in a baking pan, or even just bake it in a baking pan.

Easy Egg Frittata

12 organic free-range eggs (more or less depending on family size)

1/4 cup finely chopped onion

1 lb. or more organic spinach, chopped finely (easier to get by the kids;-)

splash of milk or cream

1-2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

butter for pan

Salt and Pepper to taste

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees

*Crack and scramble the eggs in a bowl and add milk or cream. I let the children help with this.

*In a 12 inch or so frying pan, saute the onions until beginning to get translucent.

*Add finely chopped spinach and saute until pretty wilted.

*I add more butter to help with sticking, (might not be necessary) then add egg mixture and stir to scramble the eggs until they are half cooked.

*Stir in most of the cheese, and sprinkle the rest on top and place in preheated 350 degree oven.

*Bake until eggs are set and cheese is melty and beginning to brown.

This is my best attempt to write a recipe. I am notorious for not following recipes and making things up as I go along. If this does not make sense, please ask for clarification. Also, maybe do a search for frittata recipes and either make your own or read a 'professional' recipe!! ;-) Actually, here is a link for 'how-to' frittata, maybe that will help if you are completely unfamiliar with making them.

Nourishing Breakfast Challenge: BAKED OATMEAL

Okay, this is the recipe for our Baked Oatmeal and Yummy Granola. It is so easy to mix most of it together the night before and finish it in the morning and bake it. We love this. The children like it with no additions, but Brian and I really like it with dried cranberries and almonds in it. I just sprinkle the cranberries and nuts on a small corner for us. Raisins are good in this too, making it taste like an oatmeal cookie.

The recipe below makes a 1/2 sheet pan size. They are thin bars that some of the children put in a bowl and pour raw milk over and some of them eat them like a bar, though they don't hold together all that well.

Now this could be tricky. I double this because we make the Yummy Granola out of this recipe, as will you for this challenge. (more on this lower in this post) That is for our family of 10. So, we eat about 3/4 of one pan the first morning for breakfast, then the rest we crumble and dry for granola. We get about 1 gallon of granola after it has dried. This might be a ton for you if you have only a few children, so you are going to have to adjust accordingly. Please email if you have questions on the amount. We think the granola is delicious and it does last a few weeks. Well, technically it does, just not around my husband and children.;-)

Remember, you have to double this recipe because you are going to use it for Yummy Granola, or if you have a small family, you might be able to get by with a single batch.

Baked Oatmeal
(Soaked recipe)

Mix in a large bowl and soak overnight:

1 cup softened butter ( I use 1/2 butter and 1/2 coconut oil, but I didn't want you to have to mess with coconut oil)
1 Cup Sucanat (or brown sugar)
6 cups Rolled Oats
1 tsp. Salt
1 T. Cinnamon
2 cups yogurt or Kefir ( I use Kefir)

In morning add:

4 eggs
4 tsp. Baking powder
1 T. vanilla

It is easier to just use your hands to mix this together. Spread into prepared cookie sheet (½ sheet pan) and bake @ 375 for 30-40 minutes

You can add dried fruit or nuts. Serve with milk, raw if possible. This recipe can be easily doubled.
　
If this is not clear, please ask!

Yummy Granola

After you have served breakfast from the Baked Oatmeal(you bake both pans), when it is cool, have your children help you crumble it all up. Spread it out on as many baking sheets as necessary to get roughly a single layer.

Turn your oven back on to around 200 degrees and put the pans in. It does take a long time at this low temperature to 'dry' the granola. Possibly several hours.

If you are tempted to turn it up to make it go faster, just know that I have burned it every time I have done this. If you decide to bake at a higher temp., proceed with caution and be very attentive. Check frequently and stir it often if you go higher.

When it is completely dry and cooled, put it away in air-tight containers. That's it! Super easy, super nourishing. Most granola recipes are made with raw oats, which, as we are learning, have nasty phytates in them!

When you serve the Yummy Granola, I obviously recommend raw milk. Now I realize this is not feasible for all of you, so regular milk is fine for this challenge. Or, better yet, serve it with organic plain yogurt and some fruit.

Grocery List for Nourishing Breakfast Challenge

These are the items you will need for next week's breakfast menu.

Butter

Sucanat (see below)*

Rolled Oats

Steel Cut Oats

salt

cinnamon

Organic Yogurt or Kefir (Plain!) (large container)(see below)**

Organic Free Range Eggs (see below)***

baking powder and baking soda

vanilla

Organic natural peanut butter

Organic dried cranberries or raising and/or nuts to your liking.

onion

greens of some sort, organic spinach or swiss chard

real shredded cheddar cheese

*Sucanat is a less processed form of cane sugar. It is usually by the other baking ingredients in the grocery store or a health food store. If you cannot find it, or choose to not use it, brown sugar will work. I won't dock points for not using the ingredients exactly, this is more about learning a new method. ;-)

**I use Kefir that we make from our own raw milk, but store bought PLAIN yogurt will work fine. I buy Stonyfield Organic Yogurt, whole milk. Please don't buy the fat-free, yuck!

***Buy the best eggs you can, please! You will need enough for a breakfast of eggs for the size of your family as well as 5 (five) for the recipes. (probably 1 1/2 or 2 dozen)

I hope I have not forgotten something!

Our Menu:

Monday: Oatmeal (Soaked of course)

Tuesday: Baked Oatmeal

Wednesday: Egg Frittata

Thursday: Leftover Peanut Butter Oatmeal Bars

Friday: Yummy Granola (just page down)

Nourishing Breakfast Challenge

THE CHALLENGE?

One week of nourishing breakfasts!

I think that once you find out just how easy it is to incorporate 'soaking' grains, beans and nuts into your life you will be more apt to do it. The concept seems huge at first, 'how in the world am I going to add one more thing into my already busy schedule?'

I am going to attempt to make it easy and fun for you. All this week I will post breakfast recipes that incorporate soaking practices. I will also post a grocery list of items you may not have on hand so you can be prepared for next week. I will also post a schedule to follow telling you when to soak something and when to prepare it. You print up the recipes, study them, prepare for them and make them next week according to schedule!

Just to make it even more fun I thought I would have a 'give-away'! I would like to give away Stephanie's (from Keeper of the Home) ebook

Healthy Homemaking:
One Step at a Time
A 52 Week Journey of Baby Steps to Help You Move Towards More Natural, Nutritious and Sustainable Living!

Here are the rules.

*commit to follow along each day next week

*make the assigned breakfast

*leave a comment and/or post about it on your blog, telling of your experience

For each day you make the breakfast and post/comment about it your name gets entered into the drawing. If you make all five of the breakfasts, you get your name entered in an extra three (3) times! As a bonus, if you post about the Nourishing Breakfast Challenge on your blog this week encouraging others to join in, you will get your name entered in another three (3) times!

I hope this will be a fun way to challenge you to start incorporating these nourishing methods into your diet. By the way, if your morning schedule is too crazy for this type of change just make them for lunch, it still counts!!

Marriage Monday: Love

I wondered if the Lord would give me something to share today, and as I read this devotional out of Springs in the Valley, I felt it was perfect for Marriage Monday. I feel the truth revealed in this story would work on any hardened heart or strained relationship. I have often thought of this concept being used on one of my children at a difficult stage, but today, let's think of our husbands, and winning them with love.

"The greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13)

"I'll master it!" said the axe; and his blows fell heavily on the iron. And every blow made his edge more blunt till he ceased to strike.

"Leave it to me!" said the saw; and with his relentless teeth he worked backward and forward on its surface till his teeth were worn down and broken, and he fell aside.

"Ha, ha!" said the hammer, "I knew you wouldn't succeed! I'll show you the way!" But at the first fierce stroke off flew his head, and the iron remained as before.

"Shall I try?" asked the still, small flame.

They all despised the flame, but he curled gently around the iron and embraced it, and never left it till it melted under his irresistible influence.

Hard indeed is the heart that can resist love.

"And now abideth faith, hope, love. . . the greatest of these is love."

(Springs in the Valley, compilied by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman)

I so can see myself in the axe, the saw and the hammer! Trying with all my might to soften the hardened heart or change the situation. How much more effective to 'curl gently around and embrace. . .until it melted under the irristible influence'?

Lord Jesus, thank You for Your love that has been shed abroad in our hearts. By Your grace, enable us to love those around us, especially our husbands.

Blessings Amidst The Struggle

Thank you so much for your prayers and sweet comments. I am beginning to feel a little better. I feel as though I turned a corner this week. Small amounts of strength and joy have made an appearance this week.

My dear friend came to our house and spent the day with the children on Monday and Wednesday so I could go to my mom's house (who was gone for the week) and just rest and be quiet. I can rest, for the most part, at home, but as you can imagine the quiet part of it is a bit difficult. My friend adores my children and rarely has opportunity to "soak them up", as she says, and my children thoroughly enjoy her.

It does not take a great deal of stress or physical exertion to bring me to a heap on the floor, but I do feel as though it is getting better.

I think the real struggle is about to begin for me. While these last 3-4 weeks have been miserable, I have not had to decide how much I could or could not do. It was impossible to do too much because I have been unable to do much of anything. My history with adrenal fatigue has always been to 'push through' and pay for it later. I am determined not to do that this time as I do not want to go through this again! I have to be keenly in tune with the Holy Spirit because I really don't know when I have gone too far until, well, I have gone too far! Please pray for me in this area.

Blessings:

*Being 'down' has provided me an opportunity to reconnect with my 21 month old. He has needed some one-on-one with me because of some training issues. While dealing with a screaming 21 month old was a bit stressful, it was something I needed to do. We are buddies again.

*Before this all started, our prayer was for more family unity. For a family who learns and plays together 24/7, Brian and I felt there was a general lack of unity and some smoldering selfishness. Having to pull together for the purpose of keeping this house running and taking care of mom seems to have brought the best out in everybody and united our family.

*Some of the younger children have had to take on more responsibility, which is so good. It can be easier to just let the littles promotions in responsibility slide, and this has given them a promotion right quick.

*I have always begged God to make me 'quieter and gentler', especially with my voice, and this has caused me to speak softer and more slowly. My prayer is that new habits will be made through all of this.

*Things that would normally ruffle my feathers, I am learning to just let go, as it is not worth the damage it does to my body. Again, please Lord, let this be a new trend.

*My fellowship with the Lord has been especially sweet as I can literally feel Him carrying me at times. My awe of His providence and love for me has grown a hundredfold.

*I am slowly learning how many "things" I must have taken on because 'I' wanted to instead of being sure it was what God wanted me too.

*My eyes have been opened to my propensity to push, strain and strive, all of which are the furthest thing from the REST I so long for.

I could go on, and I am sure there are many more blessings only the Lord knows about, but I'll end here. Again, thank you for your prayers and kindness.