Difficult Days

The past couple of weeks have been increasingly difficult. I had about 10 days in March that I was actually beginning to have hope that I might be coming out of this adrenal fatigue. That excitement was short lived. I have slowly gotten worse and worse. This past week has been very hard. I am experiencing symptoms as severe as I ever have, even back to last August and September when I was at my worst.

I have struggled greatly with discouragement and despair. These two nasty emotions have followed me everywhere and in every aspect of my life. The Lord has been so gracious to minister words of life to my heart each and every day. I find myself in a cycle of sorts. I am beaten down, I come crawling to Him, He picks me back up, I seem to take very few steps and I am beaten back down and come crawling back to Him again.

Physically I am pretty much back in bed. I simply cannot handle any stress, any noise, any thinking, any physical activity and my blood sugar seems to be so erratic that no matter how perfectly I eat, I still have wild swings, causing great physical struggles.

Brian has been unbelievable, though for the first time in awhile I have seem him crushed under the pressure of handling everything AND me. We have spent lots of times crying in each other's arms as we often times feel so lost and without answers. Even in his weariness, he strives to meet my every physical need, making sure I am taking my supplements on time, eating at regular intervals, many phone calls to the doctor, and of course praying with and over me frequently!

While this continues to be one of the most difficult seasons of our lives, I don't want to make it sound like we don't realize how unbelievably blessed we are. I want to shout, if I had the strength ;-) that God IS faithful! He IS caring for us and meeting our every need, just not in the way we think it should be. He is stretching us and refining us, but, He does so with the utmost compassion and love!

While, at times, I feel so abandoned and alone, I know these are just 'feelings' because my Father is right here with His finger on my pulse. He is right here, holding me up. He is right here, speaking words of encouragement to my weary heart. He is right here, meeting our needs. He is right here, in an embrace from my husband. He is right here, in smiles, bouquets of weeds, I mean flowers from my dear children. He is right here, in the prayers of loved ones. He is right here, in a doctor who is so moved with compassion for our situation that he spends hours researching how he might treat me best.

I am not alone, for He has said, "I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down relax My hold on you! Assuredly not! (Hebrews 13:5)

I know so many of you are struggling with similar or even far more serious issues of life. My heart aches for you in a way it never would have before the Lord allowed these struggles in my own life. I pray for you, certainly for deliverance, but even more so that you would find HIM in the midst of your circumstances.

I leave you with a quote from H.W. Smith:

"The Lord is my Shepherd"

Who is it that is your Shepherd? The LORD! Oh, my friends, what a wonderful announcement! The Lord God of heaven and earth, and Almighty Creator of all things; He who holds the universe in His Hand as though it were a very little thing. He is your Shepherd, and has charged himself with the care and keeping of you, as a shepherd is charged with the care and keeping of his sheep. If your hearts could really take in this thought you would never have a fear or care again; for with such a Shepherd how could it be possible for you ever to want any good thing?

I truly love and appreciate each and every one of you!