When You Are the One Envied

This one hurts and hits a little close to home.  You see, The Evil Twins not only hurt the person who struggles with them, they also wounds the ones envied.  I know, I have been on the receiving end.

Dear Sister who Envies what I have:

Here’s what you don’t know.  You have no idea the pain and struggles I go through on a sometimes daily basis.  You don’t walk in my shoes, you just admire them from afar.

You have no idea what we have experienced as a family, the pain, the trauma, the agony.  You are so blinded by what you perceive as gifts, that you don’t see the mess behind them.  There have been times of such devastation that I thought I simply would die from pain and fear. 

Just because I have nine children and homeschool does not mean for one second that I don’t have daily battles. You have no idea how much I have fought self-hatred, insecurity and self-doubt.  So many days filled with feelings of failure and fear that I was messing everything up.  You have no idea how much time I spend on my knees or face just so I can get up and do it all over again.

This marriage?  Yes, it is beautiful and wonderful, but we are flawed and human and have a sin to contend with just like you do.  Even the most blessed of marriages take work and dying to self, daily.  You don’t know the battles that we have fought with each other and against each other.

The opportunities the Lord has given me to use the gifts and talents He has put in me?? I don’t know why, He allows me to do and experience these things.  You don’t know the self-deprecation I battle when He chooses to use ‘me’.  Really??  Me???  I really am just a girl, trying to do my best to honor and glorify my Father, just like you.  Only He and I know the depth of yuck in my heart, you really have no idea.

Another thing you might not know, when you make those comments or give those looks or have that tone, the envy and jealousy in you makes me feel dirty and ashamed.  Like it is my ‘fault’ I have this or that.  Those comments take something that the Lord intended for a gift,  and I become ashamed of it. 

I feel compelled to tell you, ‘well, it’s not all that good, my husband . . .  or my kids . . .’ anything to deflect what you are saying. I feel guilty and feel the need to counter it with something not so good, even to the point of feeling like I need to make something up just so you will feel better and not think so badly of me for the good I have.  Crazy, isn’t it?

Not only are you miserable because Envy and Jealousy are making you that way, they are sliming me too!  Both of us wounded.  It’s all perspective!  Our perspective of what the other person has is usually so off.  We never see the whole picture.  Only bits and pieces.

Signed,

A Woman Just Like You (with different gifts and different baggage)

Think about it from another perspective for a second.  There is always someone who has it worse off than you.  Perhaps your marriage is hard, but you are not dying of cancer.  Maybe you can’t have children, but you’re not going through the heartache of watching your children enjoying the ride on the train to hell.  Maybe you don’t ‘get’ to have a job or an outside ministry, but you also don’t have the baggage and spiritual battles that come with those.

I really believe this quote is true.

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.”  Regina Brett

Remember, you are only seeing a small glimpse of someone else’s life!!  I promise you, it is NOT all rainbows and roses!!  Envy and Jealousy seeks to destroy you and me and relationships. 

Father, I pray for great discernment for each of us.  Show us when we are listening to the lies of the enemy.  Show us when it is his voice, the voice of Envy and Jealousy.  Give us grace to repent and walk away in the freedom you have provided.  In Jesus’ Name.