Shattered Plates

There was a time about ten years ago that I only had five children and I was able to keep all my plates a spinnin'. I was younger, healthier and sooooo clueless! Life was very scheduled and structured. School was done, not only on time, but even ahead of time. I baked bread, made homemade meals, kept up with laundry, and had an organized home. Like I said, I had all my plates spinning and spinning well. I was confused as to why anyone else couldn't do it all too. I was pretty pleased with my abilities and gifts.

Fast forward ten years later. I am definitely older, not so healthy and well, still clueless to a certain degree.

In the past ten years the Lord has arranged my circumstances just so that somewhere and sometime my plates all went flying out of my hands and have shattered all over the floor! I had an ectopic pregnancy, two babies die at 17 weeks gestation and four babies since then. Years of poor eating and living in a toxic world had taken their toll on my body. Not to mention all those pregnancies without all the nutritional and physical support. I developed chronic pain in my back and right sacroiliac joint, and hormonal migraines every month. All of this physical stuff as well as some extremely emotional circumstances that pushed me to my limit physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Many of those years were what we now call our 'survival years'. We were barely surviving. Long gone were the scheduled days, the homemade bread and organized home. The good news is that the Lord was really breaking this prideful Mama who was so sure she had it all together.

These past several years have been the most difficult years of my life. They have also been some of the most wonderful because of the closeness and mercy I have experienced from my Father. In the middle of it I wondered where He was. Why wasn't He changing things? But now, just on the other side of it I see it was Him who carried me all the way through. It was by His mercy that I am here today. I have to wonder if not for His grace. . .I can't even go there in my mind. I am humbled and awed that He loves me so much that He brought such discipline and hardship yet was ALWAYS by my side. And even when I couldn't take it anymore and was on my face ready to just give up, He was the lifter of my head.

The last couple of years my health is slowly coming back. Strength is slowly returning to this body. It has been a year and a half since our last baby. I am ready to move! Ready to put things back together.

But, all I see in front of me is all of my plates shattered into hundreds of pieces. I am overwhelmed! I don't even know where to begin, which two pieces to put together first. He still speaks so tenderly to me and encourages me to wait on Him. I am encouraged that we must be moving on to a new place because up until recently I couldn't even see my shattered plates! I was buried in the 'dust' from the broken plates. He has cleared away the dust and has at least shown me the pieces. Just the other day He even showed me one teensy piece to pick up and then another.

His overwhelming words to me lately have been that "we are going to the other side". The story about Jesus telling the disciples to get in the boat and go to the other side speaks volumes to me right now. On their way to the other side a great storm came up and they were afraid. They forgot that He said they were going to the other side! Whenever I start to panic; take my eyes off of Him and put them on the circumstance, the mess, the shattered pieces He gently reminds me, "I told you, we are going to the other side, trust in Me"

So, that is my little story of my Shattered Plates. This is not the end of the story, for it continues on. Maybe when I get to the other side I'll update this story. ;-)

Thank You Lord Jesus for the storms of life that bring much needed rain to purify our hearts. Thank You for your mercy and love.