The more my trust in God grows, the more I let go of fear and release my husband to God, the more I can see my husband, weaknesses and all, through different eyes. The less I “need” him to fulfill my emotional needs, the more I can love him unselfishly. The less my little feelings get hurt over every.single.thing, the more I forgive, the easier it is to see him as a child of God . . . for the rest of the story hop on over to At The Well
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I had quite a sobering conversation in my head yesterday.
Yesterday I sort of reached the ‘end’ of my limit with a certain teenage son, who simply is going through what I would call typical ‘growing up pains’. Each of his brothers before him did too, I know this, but somehow forget and get frustrated.
My normal M.O. is to just get ticked and say, ‘fine, figure it out on your own then.’ (yes, I know not so spiritual nor mature) I want to just wash my hands of the whole stinkin’ mess.
Well, I called Brian, ranted something about ‘just being done with him’. I believe I let him know that this particular son was HIS, and I was just done. He, of course, was shocked by my words and encouraged (begged) me to stop the foolishness coming out of my mouth. I just sat there and stewed while he talked.
When we got off the phone I went about my business, still stewing and a brewing, repeating my above foolishness in my head. What I heard next just about stopped my in my tracks, literally.
“So, you’re done? Well, you might as well be putting him right into the hands of the enemy.” Giant gulp! I literally could picture just handing my son over to the enemy because I was too selfish, lazy and prideful to deal with everyday issues! Ugh, it pains me now to even think about it.
If we don’t fight for our children, who will? There is an enemy who prowls around seeking whom he may destroy. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. A very REAL vicious, relentless killer after our children and I am willing to just say, ‘forget it, too hard, don’t want to deal with this today’???
NO!! I am not willing to give up! I choose to fight with every ounce of my being. I will not let the enemy take my children on my watch. If we don’t fight for them, who will, ladies, who will?
Yep, I repented yesterday. I told God I see that I am wrong, I don’t really have the fight and the love in me to battle this, but I know that He does and I am counting on HIM to equip me.
Let the very cry of our hearts be . . .
Therefore I endure all things for the elect's sakes, that they may also obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. (2 Timothy 2:10)
May we be willing to endure ALL things for our children’s sake!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Oh, my, do I miss ‘here’. Where exactly is ‘here’? This blog, sharing my heart, writing. This place where I can open up and pour out what is going on inside.
This season of life is unlike any other. The hours and minutes are completely and utterly filled up. Between homeschooling five “grades” (six, if you count intentional time with my preschooler) and this new business venture the Lord seems to be orchestrating, phew!
I know this is just a season and it is no more important than any of the other season the Lord has had me in. Because of past issues with performance and striving, ( one more link too) I have to guard my heart against feeling better about myself because I am more ‘productive’ right now. I am blessed to be doing this, but THIS is not who I am and does not make me any more valuable. I was just as valuable to my Father when I was in a major season of rest and seemingly unproductive!
You are precious to Him no matter what season you are in. you are valuable because of who He created you to be and WHOSE you are, not because of what you do.
What I really snuggled up here to share is an encouragement the Lord gave me. Last week as my seventeenth year of homeschooling was looming big and I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer, He showed up!
I was pouring my heart out to Him, telling Him just how numb or empty I was feeling. (This pace has left me a bit shallow in my thoughts and feelings. I am a deep thinker and deep feeler and I don’t have time for either right now, which is probably good, keeps me out of trouble )
I expressed to Him that He was going to need to do a work in my heart as I just didn’t have it in me. I was reading through the Psalms, looking for some little nugget, as my quiet time has been rather ‘empty’ feeling too, and I read
Praise ye the LORD. Praise, O ye servants of the LORD, praise the name of the LORD.
Blessed be the name of the LORD from this time forth and for evermore.
From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the LORD's name is to be praised.
The LORD is high above all nations, and his glory above the heavens.
Who is like unto the LORD our God, who dwelleth on high,
Who humbleth himself to behold the things that are in heaven, and in the earth!
He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill;
That he may set him with princes, even with the princes of his people.
He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.
There it was. Did you see it? I have always read that last verse about the barren woman to be literally a barren woman. But that morning, feeling extremely “barren” on the inside, empty of love and joy, numb and almost zoned out, this verse took on new meaning.
I was the ‘barren’ woman and HE, HE maketh me to keep my house and maketh me a joyful mother of children! I chose right then and there to believe it and claim it as my own. Do you know that each day since that Monday morning has been gloriously joyful and full of love and excitement to be a keeper of this house and a joyful mother to these children??
Oh, friends, He is so faithful. I am not for one second saying that life is perfect (as if there is perfection) or my days are totally stress-free. What I am saying is that He heard the cry of this tired mama’s heart. He not only heard it, he rescued and delivered me.
He will do the same for you. Cry out to Him, believe Him at His word. I am praying for the tired and ‘numb’ mama tonight. Know you are loved and cherished and that this season will soon pass. (all to quickly)
Blessings, my friends,