Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I was very weary with the symptoms of this adrenal fatigue and was trying to figure out just how to word things at my next doctor appointment. I was making threats like, 'if you don't give me such and such I'm going to go somewhere else.' Or, 'do you know how serious this is?' (he does, and is treating me very well) I was 'telling' my husband that if he doesn't get behind me on this and explain what has been going on well enough, well, I'm going to just push through! I'll show you, forget my health, fine!' What is hilarious is that, one, my husband is incredibly supportive and my number one advocate. Two, I couldn't 'push through' if I tried. Trust me I have tried!
Monday, September 28, 2009
It is so neat to see how God designed our bodies and how my doctor recognizes that and acts accordingly instead of just a standard protocol. For the first weeks he spent each appointment adjusting my supplements to get my adrenals 'out of the basement' as he said. It was obvious that my pituitary was a player, but my body would not 'show' it. So he only addressed what my body was calling for. After a few weeks on that treatment my body started to 'show' pituitary, so we addressed that.
Thyroid is also a player in adrenal fatigue, but up until today it has not been to the forefront. It was so neat to see how my body is directing the order of treatment. It knows what I need most and what should be addressed first. I know this probably doesn't make sense to someone who is unfamiliar with natural medicine, but trust me, it is real.
I struggle with wanting my doctor to move faster. I sometimes fell like he moves so slowly, but I know the Lord has put me in his hands, and there have been a couple of instances that if he had moved at my speed it would have been very detrimental to my health. I am so glad we have God to order our steps and give wisdom where needed.
Adrenal fatigue is very complex with many systems involved. It's not as simple as take something for your adrenals and you're better. There is something called the adrenal/pituitary/thyroid axis. Our bodies are so fearfully and wonderfully made. There is also the ovarian/thyroid/adrenal axis. All of these rely on each other to do their thing. At my worst, many systems were shutting down. One of which was the ovarian part of the axis, my cycles stopped. I have said for weeks that I would be encouraged if my period came back, because at least that meant something was getting better. Well, this weekend I started my period, well, sort of, it is starting slowly and with much pain (which is unusual for me) but at least it is trying to start. Sorry if this is TMI! I am choosing to believe it is a sign of healing, even if I don't feel better yet.
It is my understanding that much healing needs to go on inside the body before you actually 'feel' it. This is what I am believing is happening. Just seriously looking forward to 'feeling' it!
A dear sister has been in contact with me and had asked for some links that I thought I had provided. I am including them in here because there are others out there who need to know about this and maybe you can direct them. I am amazed at how many people have told me that what I am experiencing is what they have experienced and they didn't know it had a name until they read this blog.
Here is the link to an awesome website by a Dr. Lam. You could spend hours, literally, reading all he has to say on adrenal fatigue as well as many other health issues. In all my reading, this is probably the most informative.
Adrenal Fatigue: The 21st Century Stress Syndrome is the best book I have read on the subject.
I don't want this blog to be all about this adrenal fatigue, but about how big my God is and how He uses everything for our good and His glory, but many are praying and asking so I will update occasionally. Thank you again, so much for your prayers and comments, they encourage and bless me.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
This verse caught my attention yesterday and won't leave my mind. I strive and strain in pursuit of something. I grasp at ideas of how to reign this in or how to pull it together. I feel like I'm chasing something, something I can't see. I just have to have it.
I realize this 'it' is rest; rest for my soul. This craving for rest for my soul is so strong. It's a longing deep within me, an ache I can almost feel.
Not rest in the sense of inactivity or lying down, though my physical body does need rest.
No, it's a deep inner rest.
So back to the verse
See the profundity of it? So simple, one could almost miss it. I have many times. I have loved this verse for years. I think I would read and breathe it in for a moment, get up and go about my life, my way, in my strength. Somehow I must have missed the word “alone” at the end.
My soul will only find its true rest in God ALONE!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
This time it was over not suffering or enduring this affliction 'good enough'. I know, it sounds a bit crazy to me too, now. My heart is to 'patiently endure'. I want to be able to praise Him and thank Him in ALL things. I want to say with Job, "The Lord giveth the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord" (and mean it ;-) I want to be like the saints of old who went to the stake praising Him. And most of all, I want to be like Jesus, 'who for the joy set before Him endured the cross" . . . and who said, "not My will but Yours be done".
I had this picture in my mind that when I suffered I would be smiling and joyful, almost laughing at the affliction. I would be happy, even on the outside.
One day when I was lamenting about this to God He showed me two verses that brought perspective and peace.
". . .the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak"
My spirit was indeed praising Him, enduring joyfully and loving Him through all of this, it was my flesh that was in a heap on the shower floor weeping. It is my flesh that questions and cries out for answers. It is my flesh that is depressed. (with actual physical reasons) I had never thought of this verse in this way before.
"For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful. . ."
The light bulb went off! Discipline is grievous and painful! It doesn't seem to bring joy. I was looking on the outside for some sort of joy. It is not supposed to 'feel' good!
I, of course, cried and cried. (That's just what I do right now ;-) I share this with you in the hope that if you are struggling with life and on top of that, struggling with yourself, that you might see what I saw.
We are so hard on ourselves; expect so much. Brian keeps telling me that I am the only one on my back. Nobody else is thinking these things, certainly not my Father. He loves me, accepts me, knows that I am but dust, is not surprised by my weaknesses and my flesh does not scare Him a bit! He sees my heart, He knows me, really, really knows me, and loves me just the same.
It's the same with you. Do you believe me? He loves you, accepts you and thinks you are so great. He is pleased with you, not because of what you do or how well you do it, but because of Jesus.
Friday, September 25, 2009
When I cannot understand my Father's leading,
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Lord has been revealing to me many “little foxes that spoil the vineyard.” There have been many, but this doesn't discourage me a bit, because He is graciously showing me that all these “little foxes” have been robbing me of the joy, peace, and rest I have desperately sought after for years.
They all seem to have some common ground.
This has to do with being content in this moment. Being fully present and content with what He has given me right here, right now. Being content with whatever it is he has ordained for this very moment.
Below is a quote from Jeanne Guyon from her autobiography.
While the soul faithfully gives itself up to Providence, it will do all things right and well, and will have everything it needs without its own care, because God, in whom it confides, will make it every moment do what He requires, and will furnish it for the proper occasions. . . But why is it such souls commit any faults? Because they are not faithful in giving themselves up to the present moment. Often too eagerly bent on something, or wanting to be over-faithful, they slide into many faults, which they can neither see nor avoid. . . so many troubles in life come from the soul not abiding it its place, and not being content with the order of God and what is afforded in it from moment to moment. If men rightly knew this secret, they would all be fully content and satisfied . . . But alas! Instead of being content with what they have, they are always wishing for what they do not have . . . It is because the man who is not content with what he has, will never be without craving desires, and he who is the prey of an unsatisfied desire, can never be content. . .but he who rests in the divine will is infinitely more content and glorifies God more.
Maybe it is weakness, physical or spiritual, it matters not. Can I just surrender to Him in this moment, see this as from His hand and just be content in it, instead of fighting against it?
Can I get to the point where I just can sink down into His blessed will in that moment? To stop and praise Him in all things, knowing He is my wise and loving Father?
. . . Always wishing for what they do not have – Ouch! How often is this case with me? Always wishing for health, more strength (doesn't He give the amount of strength I need for His will?), to be gentler, a better mama, more holy. It’s never good enough. I always want more.
There's no peace and rest in that. If I could be thankful and content with right where He has me, trusting I'm the mama He has made me to be right here, right now in this moment of time.
Can it be that I am at the exact level of holiness because it is where He has me right now, in this moment?! I can't be any more, “fill in the blank” by my own striving. Yes, I obey and seek Him, but I can't do anything in and of myself to produce this fruit, only He can.
Only as I abide in Him – rest in Him – be content in Him.
What would it look like if I went through my day being content, just really accepting who I am, where He has me spiritually and physically, what kind of mama I am, accepting what the house looks like? Seeing His hand in everything—meaning if I am sick, it’s by His hand, I can rest and trust Him in it. If I am not as joyful as “I” think I should be, then I can look to Him and accept this is the level of joy He has given me in this moment.
She who rest in the divine will is infinitely more content.
For me, surrender equals contentment. I need to surrender to Him, His will every moment. Surrender my ideas of how things should be. Surrender my desires for His. When I really surrender, contentment fills my heart.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
When you know how crucial sleep is to healing adrenal fatigue it is easy to be discouraged when you never sleep more than 2-4 hours at a time.
Yesterday was, as my daughter might say, 'simply horrid'. I was very discouraged by the end of the day. Today is one of my daughters birthday and I so wanted to do something special with her, but looking at my day, I wasn't all that hopeful. I prayed that I would be able to do something special with her today.
Well, I slept for SIX hours straight! I can honestly say that I have not slept more than five hours straight, which was probably drug induced, in over six or seven years! It might be longer, that is as far back as I can remember.
I am not sure I 'feel' any better this morning physically, but it sure has breathed hope into my spirit! Amazing how a little gift like sleep can do that for me.
I do have to admit that it is hard for me to have faith that the sleep will continue because I have been disappointed so many times. But I am choosing to praise Him for TODAY, and last night ;-)
Thank you for your prayers and your sweet encouraging comments, they really lifted my spirit. I treasure the 'friends' I have in blogworld.
I am off to spend a few hours of precious alone time with my daughter! Her name is Isabella, I have called her 'Belly' since she was a baby. And I call her my little 'BusyBelly' when I am feeling especially silly.
I leave you with this quote I read today, it is amazing how a glance at Christ and the Cross brings such perspective.
"But these strange ashes, Lord? This nothingness,
This baffling sense of loss?
"Son, was the anguish of My stripping less
Upon the torturing Cross?"
(First line from a poem by A. W. C.)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
While this illness definitely is physical and has very real symptoms, I am beginning to wonder if it is “all in my head, or my heart.” Bear with me on this one. I believe with all my heart that this affliction has the fingerprints of my loving Father all over it, and it is my head or heart that needs healing, even more so than my body.
There were plenty of times the advice was to ‘slow down’. ‘You are doing too much’. This always confused me because it was so hard to reconcile how to be the wife, mama and manager of this home, yet slow down. During difficult pregnancies my doctors would advise me to take it easy, rest more, and stop pushing. Even when it was first discovered that I had mild adrenal fatigue years ago, the advice was the same. It never did make sense to me. I would look around me and try to figure out just what to cut out or back on. Somehow it just never made sense.
I have often felt that any of the physical afflictions the Lord has brought into my life have been hedges of sorts. Hedging me in from chasing ‘my lovers’, perhaps. Again, I sense something there, yet it is always out of my grasp.
He has now made me to lie down, literally! No choice on my part. I simply cannot push through no matter how hard I try. Not only that, I have nothing in me to try. This is when I knew He meant business. I remember laying on my bed, my mom caressing my shoulders. I just started weeping. I said, “Mom, this is serious, I can not do it anymore. I have always been able to push through, I just can’t”. She immediately sensed the seriousness of the situation. She has watched me over the years. She knows me.
He has my full attention now. I see now that I was looking in the wrong places for ‘slowing down’. I see that I was looking within myself for the answers. Yes, He has my attention, and I believe it is a deep work He is doing.
He is beginning to reveal a great many things to me that I had never seen before. They were always there, I just never saw them. Others did, just not me. This time of affliction has been and continues to be so precious.
Before I was afflicted I went astray . . .It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes. . . in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
I am so excited for all He is showing me and pray I not only gain head knowledge from this experience, but deep abiding change through and through.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
One Step at a Time
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Uncle Josiah, age 5, Uncle Elijah, age 21 months (both to the left) and nephew Levi ,1 years old (on the right) Elijah wasn't so sure about this nephew guy!
First grandchild's first birthday!
* Sometimes little ones just can't stay awake for the whole sermon!
Life can be so hard sometimes, isn't God so gracious to let us see the sweet things in life? They are always there, the sweet moments, my eyes just aren't always open to see them.
Open my eyes, Lord Jesus to see the sweet moments of life.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Leftover Peanut Butter Bars
2 cups leftover oatmeal, cold and slimy is fine
1/2 cup butter, softened (coconut oil is also yum)
1 cup sweetener…sugar, sucanat, etc….
1 cup whole grain flour…wheat, spelt, etc….(Yes, these work with rice flour if you need!)
1/2 tsp. baking soda
2/3 - 1 cup peanut butter (the original recipe calls for1/3 cup)
1 tsp. vanilla
We have also served this hot, scooped into bowls with cold milk either on top or in a glass beside. It is so yummy for breakfast. The texture seems to be a bit different each time we make it.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Now this could be tricky. I double this because we make the Yummy Granola out of this recipe, as will you for this challenge. (more on this lower in this post) That is for our family of 10. So, we eat about 3/4 of one pan the first morning for breakfast, then the rest we crumble and dry for granola. We get about 1 gallon of granola after it has dried. This might be a ton for you if you have only a few children, so you are going to have to adjust accordingly. Please email if you have questions on the amount. We think the granola is delicious and it does last a few weeks. Well, technically it does, just not around my husband and children.;-)
Remember, you have to double this recipe because you are going to use it for Yummy Granola, or if you have a small family, you might be able to get by with a single batch.
1 cup softened butter ( I use 1/2 butter and 1/2 coconut oil, but I didn't want you to have to mess with coconut oil)
1 Cup Sucanat (or brown sugar)
6 cups Rolled Oats
1 tsp. Salt
1 T. Cinnamon
2 cups yogurt or Kefir ( I use Kefir)
In morning add:
4 tsp. Baking powder
1 T. vanilla
It is easier to just use your hands to mix this together. Spread into prepared cookie sheet (½ sheet pan) and bake @ 375 for 30-40 minutes
You can add dried fruit or nuts. Serve with milk, raw if possible. This recipe can be easily doubled.
If this is not clear, please ask!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
One Step at a Time
A 52 Week Journey of Baby Steps to Help You Move Towards More Natural, Nutritious and Sustainable Living!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
I keep my sprouted grain tortillas in the freezer with wax paper in between them so they don't stick together. I then place them on top of the splatter guard to thaw/warm them while the eggs are cooking. You can find these tortillas at a health food store or you can make your own. I bought these.
Let's recap this short lesson. There is so much more I could write about, but let's keep them simple and short.
**Use only high quality grass-fed, hormone free eggs whenever possible.
**Do not cook with Teflon or aluminum.
In future posts I hope to share my lacto-fermented salsa recipe and what lacto-fermentation is. Also, the importance of sprouted or soaked grains, raw milk/cheese and real butter. Phew, all from one nourishing breakfast. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Does the area cause anxiety, fear, and even frustration?
If this area causes you to sin,
if it causes you to worry and wonder, often times consuming your mind and thoughts,
if you are afraid that if it doesn’t change or go a certain way, the way you think it should,
it is probably not surrendered.
Does this area frustrate you, cause you to become angry and sin?
Do you hold on to it so tightly because you just “know” how it is supposed to be?
(Why don’t others see it?!)
Are you so sure that you know exactly the truth in this situation?
Do you know better that your sovereign God Who apparently has ordained this for you?
“Not my will but Thine be done”?
It is one thing to say we are fully surrendered to God and His will. Actually it is very easy to say it and even really believe we are in our hearts.
But you know what, sometimes God comes along and says
Should we wonder then, when a little ways down the road, we find ourselves frustrated, afraid or even angry when something is not going our way?
Could He be purifying our hearts?
Take some time to reflect. What areas in your life are upsetting peace and rest in your heart?
Aren’t you weary of holding on so tightly?
Be courageous; let it go, surrender it entirely into the Almighty’s hands.
(Be still my soul by Katharina von Schlegel)
Can you leave to thy God to order and provide?