She was excited to tell me something. . .doesn’t matter what it was, it’s always something that is important to her.
I was busy, as usual, busy with my own agenda and distracted.
She was smiling and sharing her heart.
I was not listening and didn’t care.
Finally, I could not take it anymore, I snapped, “Okay, just stop. I don’t know what you are talking about, just never mind!”
She turned away, humiliated and hurt. She continued on with the dishes and didn’t say another word.
I saw her face. I saw the rejection. I immediately felt the Holy Spirit rebuke me with the word of God, “A gentle tongue is life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit.”
I was reminded of a thank you note she wrote earlier to a friend of mine. She was thanking her for listening to her and being so interested in what she had to say. She said how nice it was to have someone to listen to her. It felt like a dagger to my heart.
What am I thinking!? Why do I do things like that?! How awful! Would I EVER do that to my husband or a friend? Absolutely not! Never would I do that to anyone else, why on earth would I treat my own child that way? My daughter who loves to spend time with me and talk with me.
I wish I could tell you I humbled myself right then and there and begged her forgiveness. I did not. I did look for the very next opportunity and said, “What was that you were telling me a few minutes ago, I can listen to you now.” Hardly sufficient, I know.
My time with each of these children is so short, even though the days seem so long. I truly hate this selfishness in me and cry out to God to change me, to cleanse me, to draw my heart towards them. He is faithful and His grace is sufficient, I must trust that.
Why share such a raw low point from my life? I share this to encourage you to not ever allow yourself to get away with such behavior towards your children. Or anyone for that matter, but especially not these precious gifts.
Lord Jesus, you know our every weakness and you love us anyway. Help each one of us Mamas to cherish these gifts and treat them like priceless, fragile treasures. Heal any wounds we have created by our words, our selfishness. Keep us ever sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Thank You for Your mercy poured out through the forgiveness of Jesus Christ.